He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

@splattt personally I haven’t queried it as it isn’t hate in the conventional sense, I have no doubts that the OP has the capacity to be a fantastic and loving parent there is just some minor help needed to get there. I have years of experience in this field and can easily recognise the signs of PPD when I see it. Depression is a mental illness which has huge stigma attached to it, OP is literally crying out for help. I will help her if I can, she doesn’t really hate her baby the stigma, shame and thought processes are tricking her into thinking this and she doesn’t know how else to articulate herself other than describing the feelings as ‘hate’.

I could of course be wrong but I don’t think I am.

Though you are correct in saying this thread is distressing, it really is and at times maybe scary for someone who is mentally well. It’s just because it’s so different to what we are used to. It’s not out everyday normal and your upset is valid.

OP just needs some assistance in order to get well again.

It sounds like pnd hate. Passive hate that's sometimes a horrific shame inducing side effect of the disorder. It's not rational or intentionally acted upon towards the baby. Go goad someone else.

It does get better and you will get better.
You are all your baby knows, you are his universe. The only person he seeks is you.

You need rest, even if it is short periods through out the day. He's so little he just wants to be close. Babies feel your tension and your upset.
It will get better.

So what if she's made contact with her mother, after long periods of no contact? Can you not see that she is desperate for help? She said that she has help from nobody, and has sought help from her.

She and her mother may not get along because of personal issues, she's clearly doing this for her and her baby because it is a last resort. If she was "full of shit" why would she openly mention on this thread the fact that she's getting help from mum? Surely she wouldn't mention it at all. Christ.

Also forgot to mention have you tried upping his ounces in milk?
Have you spoken to the GP about?
I think he could be in discomfort from the cluster feeding as if they have too much their intestinal tract can't adequately digest.

Just to clarify. Me and my mum do not speak, but it’s not like I’ve gone years without speaking to her, it is somewhat easy to pick the phone up and ask for help, I am staying at my mums with my son so I know he’s safe, I know he would be anyway my mum was a lot of things but she never physically harmed me or neglected me.

@splattt - just fuck off the thread, it’s taken long enough for me to actually speak about how I feel and I don’t need someone literally telling me how vile I am, I’m not vile, I’m not coping at all, if I was vile I’d just leave it at how it is - I’m not, I’m doing everything in my power to sort this mess out. So just stop, please. I can’t be arsed listening to it - and also to keep clarifying. I have accepted ABSOLUTELY NOTHING offered to me, and other posters can confirm that too, I didn’t come on here to see if people would send me money or things, I came on to just feel less alone, and it’s been comforting to know I’m not the only one who has been through this.

Can confirm. I have made offers to @clairindespair and she hasn’t taken me up on any of them.

Op have u been to sleep yet??

Firstly a 4 weekly old baby doesn’t interact they eat sleep and poop... and cry... nothing much until they are about 8-9 weeks and you then will get some interaction.

I’m glad you’ve went to your mums, I think because your so exhausted you cannot see logic and sleep is absolutely essential for you.

If after sleep and rest and your still overwhelmed then I’d go and see your GP.

However motherhood is a massive change, especially doing it on your own and also having major surgery added to the mix.

Be easy on yourself, be kind to yourself.

Hope you get some sleep, Clair

Posters should possibly go back and read the posts from MNHQ.

JFC NoSauce. Clair has been absolutely consistent.

She's reaching out for help, and when she went to her mum's she did mention they haven't spoken in ages.

Here's the thing about abusive family members. They're not like abusive exes who you (hopefully) get rid of and ideally never see again. They remain your family members. You might still see them at family events, even if you don't want to. Or might reach out to them in a time of need.

Seriously, Splatt needs to be banned from this site for the way she's spoken to Clair.

Clair is describing classic PND symptoms, which many of us recognise. Splatt - well fuck knows what they're up to. Trying to victimise a new mother with PND isn't pretty.

Clair, I hope Splatt isn't getting to you. I dare say they have their own issues (like an awful personality).

I hope MN kicks them off in the morning.

I also really hope you're getting some sleep

Hey OP. Just wanted to pop in and say I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have personal experience of this situation, but I’d be happy to listen and chat and be someone for you to talk to! PM me if you would like. All I can say is the fact that he is looking for you when it’s not you holding him shows he loves you, he won’t hate you at all and when he’s a bit older and smiling and laughing etc I hope you will see that for yourself! Xx

Oh love. I was where you are two weeks ago. I remember reading similar threads where people say "it gets better by six weeks" and thinking I honestly can't survive another two weeks. She's 6 weeks now and it does, little by little, feel more survivable each day. You are NOT alone. It's the worst, most suffocatingly terrifying time. It does get better, I know you won't believe me but I promise, it does.

Oh my love I hated the first few weeks of my DS he is now 6 weeks old and I cant imagine my life with out him. First few weeks they cry sleep eat and poop there is no routine at all but slowly their little personality will shine through and you can interact more with them.

Am here if you wanna chat to some one any time

Hi OP- my little girl had awful colic. She used to scream solidly from 5pm til 11pm, it went on for months! We tried everything but nothing worked. My GP advice was that .... babies cry... 🤷🏼‍♀️🥴and there was nothing wrong with her.
In the end i popped ear buds in to drown out the noise a bit, whilst cuddling her and winding her until she fell asleep. Then one day it just stopped.

You’ll get there, it’s hard when your so tired and don’t get any rest and this angry little person wants all your attention. I wasn’t a fan of the newborn stage! Take advantage of your mum babysitting and look after yourself. Things will get better.

I hope you have submitted your entitlements to child benefit and tax credits to help with your financial issues.

Take no notice of the Splatt.

Hopefully you are asleep op.

Firstly ignore the unhelpful posts. Don’t bother to respond or justify. You have enough boy deal with.

Do check out your local Surestart centre . When my Ds was little they did baby massage classes, a stay and weigh class, gave safety equipment as baby got older. Check out your local one many things are free.
Do consider meeting the local mums even if in the fresh air for a walk . People living what you are in helpful.

Do consider the offer of a baby carrier. My Ds lived in one I didn’t have pnd but he was a crier. It made life much easier.

Last thing I met up with 2 friends when babies were little. My one friend with pnd baby cried all the time. My other friend and I thought nothing of it our babies were 3 months older. Years later she told us how awful she felt when ours weren’t crying. It was only when I pointed out the difference in ages it clicked. But she had felt a rubbish mum but in reality didn’t see us with our 6 week olds.

Maybe look up what can help with pnd?
All the rest has been said . Hope you got some sleep .

Hi OP just wanted to say that tiny babies are very hard but they get better. You're doing really well looking for help. Have you contacted your uni/college? They may have things to offer which will help. Also hope your GP referred you to the food bank. If you happen to be near South Manchester/Wythenshawe I can recommend a great playgroup with a food bank and community cafe attached that I can recommend if you want to send pm. Let your health visitor know how you're feeling too.

Sorry, also Sure Start worth a try, they saved me when I had babies.

I hope you managed to get some sleep, it might have been better to have gone to bed early instead of staying up til 2am battling with idiots. Being less tired will make you feel better. Hope you did manage a decent rest.

1. I can confirm that I asked the OP to PM with her address and that I would post her some Infacol. She did not take me up on the offer.

1. I hate my mother. She's a despicable human being most of the time - but when I'm sick? Who do I call? My bloomin mother. She kinda likes it when she can go into 'caring' mode. Not so fond of me when I'm doing well. I can 100% understand how the OP with nowhere left to turn, might turn to her mother.

1. Trollhunting is not allowed on this site.