He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

Ive read all of your posts Clair,
I just want you to know my story. I had my daughter at 17, I was completely alone like you, I had no friends, no family support, DDs dad wasnt around. I was chucked out and on the 4th floor of a high rise flat (and the bloody lift was broken down 3/4 times a week)
Money was really tight and I was struggling. I also had PND.
I remember the early days and thinking, I dont love her. I am terrible. What sort of mum am I? What sort of human am I? It made me feel worse about myself.
She was like an alien entity and I had to figure out how to care for her, I didn't know what her cries meant, and I remember feeling useless and lost.
My entire life was a screaming, pissing, shitting, puking baby, and I would just sit and cry because I deserved a better life and she deserved a better parent.
It was a bloody hard and uphill slog.

I want you to know that was 12 years ago. The first year was horrific, but we got through it and I'm actually a good mum, involved, in awe of who she is and I dont feel negative toward her. Those feelings took some time, and are very hard to develop when all you have is the crying and screaming and you arent getting time for yourself.

Reach out, join a baby group, be around other mums, hear stories of how others are struggling (most find it quite hard in the early days! You may even get some new mum friends)

Take some care of yourself, get some colour catchers so you can throw your dirty clothes into the wash with your sons
Do something for you each day, just for you.

And remember, most of all, this will not last. You'll feel better, and he will stop crying at some point!

Also, if you can scrape some money together, do try infacol, my daughter had colic and when we got that sorted she was much easier.

Please dont be too hard on yourself. These are hard days and it's harder for you not having the support most have.
Wishing you lots of luck.
Also will sound mad, but try to walk each day with him, the exercise will help you mentally, and when you have a few pence spare, get a vote D supplement. My Dr swears it helps with depression.

Wishing you lots of luck.

You are being nasty. Nothing in your post is remotely helpful. You've made a post just to tell a struggling young mum you think she is vile.

I’d also check with uni tomorrow if they’ve notified student finance England (SFE) correctly that you’re now suspended from your studies due to pregnancy, as you should be able to receive up to 60 days additional funding whilst you take time out. You’ll need to check with uni the dates they’ve used to suspend your studies, as if you took time out in October for example you’re only entitled to an extra 90 days payment whist you take time out. However, you may be able to receive additional funding after the 60 days from SFE you are in financial hardship.

If your uni haven’t notified SFE correctly that your studies have been suspended due to pregnancy it will have stopped your student finance maintenance loan, hence why you’ve not received a payment today.

So. If you’re studies have been suspended you and you can’t claim the additional maintenance loan you’ll be entitled to the full universal credit payment for a single parent this includes an housing element to pay towards your rent. The best people to speak to would be your unis hardship team as they deal with benefits ect. The job centre and citizens advice aren’t unfortunately that clued up on student benefits, due to the changes in the rules for full time students and universal credits

Oh poor you splatt - this isn't your life so click off the thread if it upsets you so much

@splattt if you don't like it and aren't priving anything useful, stop reading.

I wish I was just reading it instead of living it mate it’d be a whoooole lot easier. Count yourself lucky that the thread is just that - a thread. This is my actual life and I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

And at least if social services boot my door down tomorrow and scoop my son away in superman like fashion I’ll know who’s phoned them

If it's upsetting you Splatt - why are you still commenting?

Am I missing something?!

@Blahblahblahnanana you’re actually a fucking genius and expert on literally everything I could kiss you

Have you been to register the birth at registry office?

Im Manchester area, please do message me if you need to talk happy to lend an ear my ds cried and cried and cried so I know how hard it is. I'm happy to meet up when you feel you are up to it. Whenever that may be if you feel like it the offer is there. Take it a day at a time. It's the hardest time these early weeks. I remember being an exhausted I never even knew existed and that was with help so for you to have no support I can see why you feel like you do and you will not be the only one to feel like that so don't feel guilty. You need help and support. xx

Yeah he’s registered, I did that about 3 weeks ago

My middle son was a crier too. It’s terrible -
I remember lying there some nights when he was a newborn wishing I could be on one of those films where the star character can go back time and undo their error, so I could go back and not conceive him. It doesn’t feel like it at the time, but it does pass.

I’m in Salford, and currently on maternity leave. I go to some great classes in Manchester.
If you ever want to meet for a coffee please message me xx

@Graphista the benefits system for students isn’t straight forward since the change to UC.

UC has replaced tax credits, job seekers allowance etc and housing benefit. The student finance maintenance loan is now counted as income pound for pound and is deducted from the total UC entitlement (although they do disregard £110 of student finance per assessment period and the tuition fee loan) single parents/students couples with families are basically fucked in comparison to the tax credit system as previously student finance wasn’t classed as income. Op is of course entitled to child benefit, and some UC though as a student. And if her studies have been suspended and shes now not in receipt of any student finance she’ll be entitled to the full UC.

Op would you be able to get to Manchester City centre tomorrow? There is a group that I can direct you to for support if you can...

Try and get some sleep! (I mean, hopefully you can if your mum's looking after the baby..?)

@splattt not taken a penny off anyone you absolute worm and you can see a comment off me above saying I DO NOT WANT MONEY SO DONT OFFER IT or are you blind as well as a first class muppet

'Try and get some sleep! (I mean, hopefully you can if your mum's looking after the baby..?)'

I second this

I'd try and get your head down.

@Blahblahblahnanana you’re actually a fucking genius and expert on literally everything I could kiss you

Hahaha! 😘😘😘

Honestly I know about this shit! I’ve had my own shit too! Uni is your first point of call and the universal credit application. It sounds to me like uni have suspended your studies without notifying SFE that you’ve had a baby do you can get the 90 days additional funding.

clairindespair the things you say about not bonding with your baby and not even liking him sound just like my friends who had PND.

eg one of my friends had a baby who cried solid for 3 months. She says it's only once he stopped crying that she started bonding with him, and she also thinks that it's only then he started bonding with her as he was in too much pain before. He's 9yo now and those days are long gone, they adore each other! (Well, most of the time!)

Ahhhh OP- this is hard to read- because I so feel for you. I’m a LP, quite a lot older than you, with a job, money (a lot of debt but cash coming in), and my son is now fully verbal etc (3 years old)... and yesterday for the first time, I could feel the urge to just ...walk out. Ive been working long hours, I’m poorly and DS has hit the torturous threes in a big way. I’ve done this on my own for 3.5 years now and it just felt... a lot.

Of course didn’t walk out- I stayed and dealt with the tantrum, and snuggled him, and loved him and cleaned up after him, and made him dinner (that he refused to eat) etc etc etc

But I want you to know that it’s quite normal to WANT to run away, particularly when you’re under a lot of pressure. It’s human. The point is you haven’t. The point is you’re carrying on. And under all the fear, and worry, you’re staying because you’re acknowledging your bond and your love for him- even if you can’t feel it right now. I promise it’s there. You would have run if it wasn’t. You wouldn’t be staying awake with him, feeding him, washing his clothes rather than yours- these are all little (and big!) signs of love.

Sleep deprivation will make all of this 100000 times worse. Sleep tonight. Ignore your toxic mum- just take the sleep for what it is. And be kind- to yourself and your baby- who is yours, and part of you, and will I promise smile at you eventually. He loves you, regardless of anything else, he loves you.