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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

999 replies

clairindespair · 14/01/2020 09:12

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/01/2020 21:15

Your mum sounds awful. Once you’ve had your sleep, please get out of there.

ooooohbetty · 14/01/2020 21:16

I was like this with my first child at about the same time. I thought I'd ruined my whole life because I was so very tired, my baby was constantly feeding and I thought nothing would change. I was existing on a few hours sleep a night My OH was working 7 days a week so I had no help. I felt like I didn't know what I was doing. I bumped into someone I knew at the shops who saw how awful I looked and she told me that in a few weeks the baby would start sleeping longer and things would get easier. I didn't believe her at the time but she was right. It did get easier and I got more sleep which changed my outlook. Hang in there.

StealthMama · 14/01/2020 21:22

Op well done on the steps you have taken today. Give yourself a little time to refresh, with sleep, the meds, you will feel better soon.

Appreciate you don't have any time for your mum, but if she can help then let her. Parents are often better at being grandparents then they were parents. You can have a break.

Keep posting here, we'll all help you xx

DileenODoubts · 14/01/2020 21:24

Op, I was a young mum too, the things you were doing last year you’ll be doing again, he won’t be this small and needy forever, not even that much longer and you’ll be able to do some things again, you’ll be different but they haven’t been lost to you.

Original poster
clairindespair · 14/01/2020 21:36

I just hate him, I hate my life. I’m sick of seeing his stupid sleepsuits all over the house. Constantly washing drying and folding clothes with fuckin bears and cars on them whilst my own stuff sits stinking of piss and sick (his not mine) cos I can’t use any washing powder or softener in case I don’t have enough. I feel like just packing my stuff and leaving. Alone. I’d love to run away.

OP posts:
lisag1969 · 14/01/2020 21:39

Go to Gp tomorrow. Go to food bank and ask the dr for the name of the place that gives parents baby stuff. I can't remember the name.
Please ask for anti depressants and get money to feed your baby or get milk from these people to help you. Your baby will cry if he's hungry and once he's full he will sleep better and so can you. Please don't do anything rash. X

NoSauce · 14/01/2020 21:39

That’s not very nice. Go and get some rest instead of being on here. It’s not doing you any good.

champagneandfromage50 · 14/01/2020 21:40

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Original poster
clairindespair · 14/01/2020 21:41

I’ve got anti depressants just waiting for them to kick in. I hope it’s not 6 weeks.

The way I feel isn’t nice. It’s absolute hell and unfortunately without the saviour of this forum I haven’t got anyone to talk to.

OP posts:
lisag1969 · 14/01/2020 21:41

You are entitled to some benefits as a single parent. Wether your a student or not. X

Original poster
clairindespair · 14/01/2020 21:42

I have NEVER had the urge to hurt or harm him, I never would. I know it’s me that’s not well. It isn’t his fault. But it isn’t mine either.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 14/01/2020 21:43

The thread is kind of going around in circles now. I would advise you to download headspace or calm, do a meditation and try and get some sleep. Switch off for a bit.

MarthasGinYard · 14/01/2020 21:44

Get some kip

lisag1969 · 14/01/2020 21:48

Go to job centre UC. Will have to give you a crisis payment. X

Sassenach85 · 14/01/2020 21:50

I think you are just blurring out all of the thoughts you’ve had now you feel someone is listening, yeah you think these things, you won’t always, doesn’t make you a bad person

Try and get some sleep at least for now

Monstermoomin · 14/01/2020 21:51

Antidepressants can take quite a number of weeks to get in your system and be increased to appropriate dose etc. As the GP offered a follow up to see how you're getting on and for increase etc?
Have they also signposted or referred for any other support other than the antidepressants?

Monstermoomin · 14/01/2020 21:52

*has

lisag1969 · 14/01/2020 21:52

When you get money try infacol. And please go to baby groups and meet other mums and some are aimed just at young mums too. X

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/01/2020 21:56

Just sending Flowers So tough OP. Hold on.

It will get better.

Wingedserpentfliesbynight · 14/01/2020 21:56

Re clothes, you need to feel better about yourself too, mental health wise. Put your clothes in with the baby’s - make sure you both have fresh clothes to wear

giggleshizz · 14/01/2020 21:58

I'm going to write this just in case no one else has as I don't have time to read the whole thread.

As a student with a child you absolutely are eligible for benefits such as housing and child tax credits. I am a student with a child and get benefits. Please look into this.

Also your University should have an emergency welfare find eg when issues with student grants etc. Are you in touch with your uni? You say you are in leave but you should still be able to access services.

Good luck

lisag1969 · 14/01/2020 22:01

Ask dr for infant gaviscon too. Think baby needs it. X

Mightneedabitofhelp · 14/01/2020 22:01

Hi I hope you get some sleep tonight, I also just wanted to ask, do you have a student bank account? I'm a student and my loan also hasn't come in but a student bank account means you can use an overdraft for free. I'm currently dipping (more like digging) into mine to cover the gap in student loan. If you don't have one you can make one online with not too much difficulty, this may be more help for future financial crisis's as it takes a few days for the account to be up and running. Keep yourself safe because you are a person too who deserves help.

vadam · 14/01/2020 22:02

I just hate him, I hate my life. I’m sick of seeing his stupid sleepsuits all over the house. Constantly washing drying and folding clothes with fuckin bears and cars on them whilst my own stuff sits stinking of piss and sick (his not mine) cos I can’t use any washing powder or softener in case I don’t have enough. I feel like just packing my stuff and leaving. Alone. I’d love to run away.

This really made me want to cry, bless the poor baby 😢 what has he done to deserve that?

OP you really need to seek some urgent help. I'm worried for your baby's safety. I could never imagine feeling like that towards my son.

Original poster
clairindespair · 14/01/2020 22:03

Never had urges to hurt or harm him. He has no idea how I feel.

OP posts:
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