He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

I just hate him, I can’t feel anything else. It’s so horrible.

Honestly, like others have said it really doesn't help that he doesn't give anything back at all. A few more weeks and he will smile at you and you'll start to feel differently.

I once had an elderly Aunt say to me when I was struggling with my first "any woman who says this is the happiest time of her life is a damn liar!".

One of the best bits of advice that someone ( a friend who is a GP with a baby of her own) gave me when I was due to give birth was that you shouldn't feel bad if you don't like your baby at first. For the first few weeks it can be normal to feel nothing except the need to protect and care, but no love. Often love and bond needs to develop and can take time.

Hope that you are able to get a good night’s sleep with your Mum there. Even though she doesn’t sound very supportive x

Hi OP, sorry you're having such a hard time. In spite of everything your sense of humour is truly in tact, your post about drs waiting rooms made me laugh.

I don't have kids yet so can't add to the expert advice of everyone else, but I live nearish you so could maybe help out practically or bring you some cake. Pm me if you like.

Is it a sense of humour or am I just going insane lol

I remember a friend coming round after DD was born and asking me if I was blissed out. I’ve never forgotten my astonishment - never been less blissed out in my life. Pissed off more like .

OP you do need to get some help and if you have PND you should take that very seriously. However I also think there’s a limit to how good anyone feels with a newborn and in your situation with so little support that’s x100. So don’t beat yourself for feeling ‘the wrong thing’. You feel what you feel and it doesn’t actually really have any bearing on how things will be (as long as you’ve got any PND you might have being treated).

There’s another thread on here on how long it took new mothers to love their babies. Many women are saying it took them weeks or months. For me it was 4 months. It’s very normal even for those with lots of loving support around them. It just is hard. Please give yourself time.

Hopefully the first Hope you get a decent sleep. Sorry about what your mum is saying. As everyone else had said, it's really common to have those thoughts when you have pnd.

My mums a dick it’s water off a ducks back she was a shit mum with me so I’m not even taking any notice she’s just a bellend lol

Also I wanted to point out that you’ve got hundreds of women posting their support for you here. Not that we know you and can actively help necessarily but because we understand because we have been there, to some degree or other. I hope that solidarity makes you feel a little less alone. These are hands reaching out
to lift you up a bit.

One thing I used to find helpful when I was awake and alone with a screaming baby at 3am was to think about all the other women around the world at that precise moment sitting in the dark with their screaming babies and trying to comfort them. Picturing them all across the world doing what I was doing at that moment made me feel less alone. Almost as if we were having a virtual cup of tea together.

A virtual litre of vodka I wish

Oh I remember these days that your describing. It's hell isn't it. I remember look at my DS and thinking what the hell am I meant to be feeling here? He just cried and wanted feeding all the time. I felt like a machine it was awful. I was at least lucky enough to have my boyfriends support. I do remember though around 2 months when my son started smiling and it was like wow this is a real little person that lovesme. I honestly think your wonder woman doing it on your own though. No wonder you are so burnt out. After being diagnosed PTSD and PND (all came to a head when I took an overdose and ended up in hospital) I ended up too on setraline, went through CBT and accepted help from early help who have been amazing. I started going to playgroups twice a week at the local children's centre and it helped so much. Even when my DS was being a nightmare there I saw that he wasn't the only one and I could have a laugh with the other mums like what have we done 😂
My son is nearly 2 and half now and thriving in nursery and I love him so much its unreal. It was a hard journey but our life and our relationship is just amazing now I'm so happy. I just thought I'd share my story and show that things really can and do get better. I so hope the same happens for you. For now try and get some sleep it makes the world of difference for your mental health x

Fair !

I am trying to sleep, just have flashbacks of last year. This time last year, things I used to do and can’t. I feel honestly like I’m sinking. These tablets better sink in because I cannot do this anymore I’m so unhappy

Food banks are not in any way restricted to those on benefits, they are actually more commonly used by working families and people in your situation so do get referred. Babies at 4 weeks old aren't interactive but it will get better. Definitely speak to your HV and / or GP

OP you could try downloading an app like
headspace or calm. They are short meditations that help you relax and switch off.

Sorry if I'm repeating anything. Haven't read through all the comments.

But, with regards to living in a flat with a pushchair issue, have you triedgetting a sling? You could try borrowing one from a sling library. Much easier than faffing with the pushchair. My very, fussy, grumpy baby took well to a sling. It saved my sanity as I was able to leave the house without the fear of him screaming blue murder and attracting unwanted attention.

OP the early days are hard, to be honest sometimes the first few months are! But before long you'll see improvements, he'll settle longer you'll get a routine and it will be more rewarding and fun I promise.
Is there no real support you can get? Sounds like your mum is a waste of space and not helping you mentally, even if she is physically helping with your LO so you can try and catch up on sleep! It will get better I promise!x

Second the app headspace. Was suggested to me during CBT and it really helped. You can find some of the stuff on YouTube, might help you drift off

Formula fed baby shouldnt cluster feed, feed on demand but try to regulate it so that he has a feed, finishes it and doesnt run one feed into another, he shouldnt need two feeds in an hour, is he getting enough per feed

I think we are all sending you a squeeze round the shoulders and the absolute promise it will get better

It’s hard to admit but uv got to just get through each hour n each day and it will slowly start to feel less awful

For what it’s worth based on the info uv given you sound like a strong minded and capable woman ... underneath all “this” you still are and she will get you through this

One day you will look back at this and really appreciate how bloody brace you were, and I can guarantee your little boy will think you are the best thing in his whole world x

**brave

Don't worry OP, I don't think you hate him. You're sleep deprived, and at the end of your tether. You'll feel 10,000% different once you've had some sleep and there's some money in your bank. It will pass.

Sorry! Just remembered that when my dd has reflux it was silent reflux and she wanted to suck the bottle all the time as the milk soothes the acid burn .... ironically it it made the reflux worse so was a vicious circle!

Try asking for baby gaviscon, I think you can even get it OTC

OP I totally relate to your first post. The baby days are awful BUT they get better. Take one day at a time. And gradually things will become easier, baby will start to give you smiles.

Having a baby is an enormous lifestyle change to most people. Unfortunately we tend to be sold an imagine of new born babies being wonderful, sleeping all the time, enjoy every moment blah blah blah. Well I enjoyed very little of the first few months and felt I’d been sold a lie! But life improves, you’ll get more sleep and the challenges of children change. Don’t underestimate the power of sleep deprivation and cut yourself some slack.