He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

Thank you so much for good advice I really do appreciate it. And those who even want a chat and just a friend I’m so happy with the responses xxxx

Sorry I knew she was a single Mum but wasn’t sure if maybe she had the support of a friend.

Amazing that I’ve just said I’m 4 weeks PP and wanted to offer support as know how hard it is and get someone rudely replying back! I’d been admiring how supportive everyone had been on this forum.

Sorry OP if I caused offence, that wasn’t my intent x

@clairindespair don't worry if he cried in the pram. Just try to keep it moving. With baby 1 I felt so much pressure for baby to not cry. I'm much more relaxed with baby 2 as I now know that babies so cry sometimes. As long as you know they are fed and have a clean nappy try not to panic about crying. As he gets older it will get easier. You're doing an amazing job. Nothing prepares you for how hard becoming a mum is xx

@jackmummy12 you didn’t offend me
I’d loved to have had people round me at birth but it’s one of them things! My son is called jack too, when was yours born?

Have you seen gp yet op? Please tell us you're not still waiting...!

Have you got enough formula at home now?

He was born the 18th but mine was an elective section, even that I found hard to get my head around when he was born even with a few days notice (not much, about 4 days) so I can only imagine how traumatic it was for you being on your own and having an emergency. I really admire you for being able to get through that on your own, because I honestly don’t think I could of.

I do really believe you are much stronger than you think you are right now. Also coming here and being honest about how you are feeling is very brave because I honestly found that hard to write saying how I didn’t feel that instant feeling like I had with my previous baby, I guess because of the feeling of being anonymous here it’s easier to say but still makes me feel guilty. We all have Mum guilt, part of the job and you 100% are entitled to feel the way you are right now.

My 1st child (which is where my name came from) I did not feel anything during my pregnancy, didn’t believe it when people told me it would come, didn’t feel excited and fortunately those feelings did come later on. It’s 7 years later nearly now, so I feel guilt the way I felt during my pregnancy? Yes completely, but I know that I’m not the only one to feel that way and you will look back and feel that too. Right now it feel you vs him but it will become the both of you vs everything and you will see how you are his whole world, and rightly so because look at everything you’ve had to go through. He’s a lucky boy to have a great Mum like you xxx

How did it go with the GP OP?

Contact uni ,see about a funded place in the nursery,get a sling and put baby in it so you can get out ,Monday head in to uni and find your friends show of baby ,speek to lecturers and keep in with the work ,I’d be looking to go back ASAP ,and getting a nursery place for little one ..could not while baby is little just go to lectures with baby in sling .why are union leave till may ? I’d be getting back ASAP ,even with baby if no nursery..childminder maybe ..
Student finance get a appointment to see them on Monday .babies sleep a lot ,I recon you could keep going with your degree .i think the routine would be good for you ,and you would not feel like your life has changed so much ..

Do give the sling a try, OP. I resisted using one with my first who was a difficult baby, because I just wanted to be able to put her in her cot and for her to sleep so that I could go and do stuff on my own. So that's what I did and it was a total battle for months on end and we were both utterly miserable.

With my 2nd I decided to do everything differently so he went in the sling from day 1 only emerging for feeds, nappy changes and bath time. He just slept happily on me in the sling and I carried on with my life. It actually felt very freeing rather than restrictive.

Big hugs to you, these first few months are so bloody hard, and I say that as someone who had kids later in life (I'm old enough to be your mother!), financially secure with a supportive husband. I still struggled. I still wanted to turn back the clock and not have a baby. It will get easier. Consider all the advice you've had on here, a lot of the newborn stage is trial and error to find solutions that work for your baby and you. Take up all the wonderful offers of help. Good luck. X

Now you are a mother you will find you are entitled to extra help. Also your uni will have a hardship fund that will help. I used one when I was at uni as a single parent. You can claim benefit during holidays as well. You can also claim housing benefit to help with your rent.

I hope things get better for you soon

Someone from Manchester here, i have sent you a PM x

I like the way this thread is going. Good to see kindness

Oh OP this sounds SO tough.

No advice from me because I have no experience myself but just wishing you good thoughts and hope you can get some support from somewhere

Sorry not RTFT.

I'm in south mcr, you're welcome to contact me.
But practically speaking, can you get a sling to put him in? Is there a sling library near you? Then you can get out... And can you visit your nearest BlueSCI centre? They'll give you advice about benefits, can give you foodbank vouchers too.

All they really do at this age is cry, sleep, puke, poo, feed. There's very little more. But it will be worth it when he smiles at you.
Having kids is the hardest thing I've ever done, don't be tough on yourself.

Been to see my GP and she has given me some sertraline. I told her everything, I feel good, like I’ve felt sick for a month and finally threw up

Hi op - I found weeks 3-6 the hardest with my bottle fed baby as he used to cluster feed all evening and I thought it was just breast fed babies that did it but I found the same.

He also had evening colic where he would just scream for hours unless the bottle was in his mouth. We couldn't work out if he was hungry or full of wind or both! He couldn't burp until 12 weeks so the only thing that worked for me was infacol and that took about a week to help.

For cuddles - go back to basics and skin to skin; heart to heart - so lie him upright again your chest. If he has got digestion problems this will help him.

This part is so hard as there is no return - but the smiles will come!

Please look for some local support groups as people were what helped me through. Being indoors all day really used to get me down. Get out with the pram and go for walks. Fresh air helps

It gets better. It does.

Ask for a different health visitor, see your gp, demand any help you can get. Home start, any pnd charities in your area. Post on Facebook to connect with other people with babies the same age so you can support each other.

Ah that's good news OP. Glad you opened up to the GP and it's helped you feel a bit better. Hope the sertraline helps, it will probably take a little while to kick in.

That’s good news OP - keep it going, try some things suggested to settle baby, look into the benefits but most importantly try and sort it so that you have a real life person to keep in touch with you, you’re doing so well - honestly x

The food bank I volunteer at does require a referral but this can come from lots of sources and receipt of benefits is not the only qualifying criteria - GP, health visitor, some churches can refer. Good luck OP.

The sertraline will not work right away.

Hope you are feeling better after your GP appointment, and from most of the responses on the thread.

Things will get better.

I have a baby carrier you can have, it's near new as I hardly used it. If you PM me your address I can post it to you.

I know that it's so hard and that you're currently unsupported, but do see your GP and HV.

Hang on in there, it will change.

Keep talking OP. Glad you feel better after seeing the GP.

Are there any baby groups near you, you could go to? Baby massage or sling meets? Sure start centre? It doesn’t matter how little he is or how much he screams, everyone is in the same boat! It’s important to get out too, it gets easier.

I can’t get a food bank referral as I’m not on benefits, no chance of milk tokens for that reason.

You don’t need benefits to go to a food bank so get referee there. Find a mum and baby playgroup and pop along, you aren’t the only one in this position. The first 6 weeks are shit! But it passes and you will get interaction. Sleep when he sleeps, it won’t be the whole night but just sleep. The flay can wait