He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

4 hourly feeds is too rigid for a new born. If he's refluxy go for little and often. Maybe 2-3 hourly smaller feeds would be less unsettling but be led by him. Not every cry will be about feeding. He may simply need the comfort of being held close or more upright. Be too hot/cold.

2 bottles in a hour? How much milk are in the bottles? Is he being sick afterwards? Thy seems like a lot for a 4 week old.

Jesus Christ I didn't even see you've had surgery too - you are fucking amazing!!

Poor you. Show your HV what you have posted here as soon as she arrives for her next visit . You need help and she needs to get you some. Or make an appointment with your GP and show them your post

I have also posted the information about some charities and support groups. Please call them (all of them if you have to )

Association for Post Natal Illness (APNI) – helpline on 020 7386 0868 (10am to 2pm, Monday to Friday) or email [email protected]

Pre and Postnatal Depression Advice and Support (PANDAS) – helpline on 0843 28 98 401 (9am to 8pm, Monday to Sunday)

NCT – helpline on 0300 330 0700 (8am to midnight, Monday to Sunday)

Mind, the mental health charity – infoline on 0300 123 3393 (9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday) or email [email protected]

You can also search for local support groups and find details of national telephone or email support lines on the Maternal Mental Health Alliance website.maternalmentalhealthalliance.org/campaign/

It sounds trite but it is true that things will get better.

Needing help is perfectly reasonable after having a baby and being in financial crisis. You are struggling for sound reasons but might well also have PND.

Anyway, please talk to university welfare about your situation. They do have systems to help you. You and your baby are important to them for all kinds of institutional reasons but also because they are humans.

I’m so glad you posted. I would imagine that was really difficult. It sounds like Tameside is heaving with mums and babies, food banks , baby banks sling libraries . Accessing them may feel really really hard, but it is what you need to do.
You sound amazing to me. To have kept yourself and your baby going thru the 1st difficult 4 weeks with no money and no support. You really are a marvel.
New motherhood is particularly difficult for people who were abused or neglected as children, it brings up a lot of feelings. You have already achieved so much, in terms of education.. Things will improve. Please take up the help offered.
We are all rooting for you.

No - bottle fed babies do not cluster feed! No training is given on bottle feeding now - just breast feeding. Babies should not be fed on demand with a bottle.

Bottle fed babies do cluster feed .....

Hi Op,

So sorry you’ve not got more support - I can 100% confirm for you that food bank entitlement is NOT connected to benefits as food banks are run by charities and nothing to do with the government and benefits system. Call citizens advice and THEY can refer you immediately.

Babies with reflux are also more likely to want to feed more to try and soothe themselves

I’ve just read my last thing thru, used difficult in every sentence, way to drag someone down Zebracat.

Bottle-fed babies can cluster feed, but you can also overfeed with the bottle. Paced feeding and a slow flow teat helps. My DD was bottle fed with expressed milk for the first few weeks of her life as she couldn't latch at first and she certainly cluster fed, especially during a growth spurt!

Your a good mum! And you do love your son, do you know how I know that? Because you have came on here asking for help and advice, because you care! You have also taken the first step in knowing that you've seen a change in yourself! X

Well done you for admitting you are struggling and for getting a GP appointment. Have you got any friends who could take the baby off your hands for a few hours. I used to take my goddaughter for the day to give her mum a break. As she was a single mum.

Good luck at the gp today OP. You’re doing so well

I am in Manchester and close to you. Please message me if you want to i am willing to help, even if it’s buying you some formula or some food for yourself. If you need to i am here to talk x

I watched a louis theroux documentary on bbc iplayer, there were women on there explaining that they felt exactly the same. If it helps, give it a watch, your not alone feeling like this x

He doesn’t hate you and you are doing an amazing job try not put yourself down. I have literally just gone through this same stage and said the exact same of he hates me because he would constantly cry. The only relief was when he was asleep as anytime his eyes were open so was his mouth.
Few weeks on he’s an absolute dream he smiles, coos and chatters. Of course still cries if he needs something but it’s bareable now.
Do try some of the help previous people have said, I understand you barely have time to have a peaceful wee nevermind trying to contact anyone for help but do something now that your later self will thank you for.
Also I know one of my fears was because he was crying so much that I didn’t want him around people and disturb their peace so I never asked for help. Honestly people know babies cry and are more willing to help than you realise.
The words hang in there don’t mean squat when you’re just wanting a quick solution but unfortunately there isn’t one, get yourself through the days any means you can and when you get that first smile the relief will melt away many of the negative feelings xx

Glad you're going to the Drs, don't be afraid to tell them exactly how you're feeling. You sound like a strong and brave lady and I'm sure with some support things will start to look brighter soon .

Thank you for so much advice and kind comments I am so overwhelmed. I will reply properly too. I’m going to attempt a walk with him. Wish me luck.

@clairindespair please contact the launch project www.thelaunchproject.org/ The lady who runs it is called Natalie and if you explain your circumstances I am sure they will be able to help. They have a mobile pantry which comes to you and do offer support with baby things etc.

You can do this OP

Well done OP

Chin up Op you're doing amazing. You're little boy would be so proud of his mama standing up and asking for help. And taking all that advice on board.

Having kids is hard hard work. I was a student single parent at 21 so I know what you feel like.

If you could chat with your GP about PND and possibly antidepressants. They really helped me when I couldn't cope. You've the added stressors of a massive operation and an irritable baby so I really feel for you. And I know what it's like not to want to leave the house either. I didn't leave my home for 6 weeks. I hope you can get some help from the local food banks if you explain the situation. And also maybe speak with some local churches. They maybe able to offer you some assistance.

Sending you hugs because you need them. You're not alone in this.

Health visitor for food bank referral.

GP for you and baby. You need to speak to a professional and baby needs to be seen. It sounds like baby has reflux or milk allergy.

My dd was like that, I had good support and still wanted to run away.

Please seek help op and in the meantime, rest when you can if that means co sleeping, baby in a sling, prop baby up slightly to help with reflux.

You're doing amazing.