To want a say in my kids Primary School placement?

[Pikachu18]

I'm not with my ex anymore, however DS (4) lives with him full time.
We've both moved on, new relationships, ect.

However, my fiancé bought it to my attention the other week about DS heading up to Primary School and needing to look for placements. I spoke to my ex about this, and he wasn't even aware that he needed to apply for them 🙄
Today, I message him and not only has he told me that he's applied for three places already. But he also ignored my questions as to what sort of schools they were - ofsted reports, other parents comments and such. But upon further investigation, and a few Google results later. I found that one of the schools he's applied for is a devout Christian school. I am not a Christian, neither is my partner, nor my ex.
My partner and I are in a LGBT relationship, and I've always stood by raising my children to be open minded and accepting of those around them regardless of gender/race/who they love and to have one of my kids put into a school where that sort of thing isn't accepted...?
Thing is, of course my ex is being a 5 star A-Hole about the whole thing. I'm not too sure what I can even do in this situation..

Despite several comments from strangers telling the OP she must have PR

If she gave birth to the child, she has PR. Unless a court has relinquished that.

You clearly know fuck all ... there is so much more to this situation,don’t be so blinkered

Having been through the court system, I know exactly what it means to have PR and what the courts will tolerate in terms of applications for Specific Issue Orders about education. So no, I know - and have experienced - plenty more than ‘fuck all’. However, I took the OP at face value. I do not k ow there is more to it. How could I?

I always find it bizarre that people aren't well enough mentally to give the time and energy to their children to have them in their care but seem to have enough of it to start new romantic relationships 🙄

I personally think romantic relationships do more damage to people's mental health than the relationship they have with their kids does but hey ho, what do I know, just another woman on the planet like the billions of others that put their children first...

That’s not very fair @YappityYapYap

A child needs their parent to be able to prioritise their needs, if the parent can’t do that (and I am saying can’t, not won’t) then it may not be safe for the child to remain with the parent.

But another adult doesn’t not have to be put first - they can choose to accept the limitations of their relationship.

A very simple example: if a person is bipolar and has is manic, and makes an impulsive decision to disappear into the night... that is unacceptable in a parent, but can be tolerated by an adult in a relationship with them.

I certainly agree with you about throwing mental energy into getting well, where possible, instead of starting a new relationship - if those two things are mutually incompatible. But I doubt they are.

I've not been replying as been busy. To those saying I've posted before-this is genuinely my first post.
My Son went to live with his Dad less than a year ago after I became extremely depressed and felt like I couldn't cope. It was for my child's benefit.
I've since got better, but my Son is now settled with his Dad and the area (no longer lives local, however I do see him for a few nights on a monthly basis and more often for Christmas, birthdays etc)
I completely agree that AIBU to have not realised sooner about the schooling, however that was my only question and the whole thread seems to be turning into a debate on why I don't have my Son living with me, so unless anyone has anything new to say then I won't be replying again.
Also, just to update-my ex said he'll look at the schools again and see what he can do.
Thanks for all your replies.

I assume therefore that you have parental responsibility? You need to get tough with the nursery about sending you information; they can only refuse to give information to a parent if there's a court order preventing it.

If you want to object to the choice of school you can take it to court, but unless there is anything obviously wrong with it your chances of success would be pretty small.

You can’t just ‘change your mind’ about the schools once the application has gone in. Not without it potentially being treated as a late application which would mean you wouldn’t be a priority. It’s quite easy to google how school applications work in your area.

You can’t just ‘change your mind’ about the schools once the application has gone in. Not without it potentially being treated as a late application which would mean you wouldn’t be a priority. It’s quite easy to google how school applications work in your area.

In my area you can change your mind right up to the application deadline if you did the application online.

Does he appreciate the urgency? He's literally gor a few hours to reconsider.

OP, I would try and find out which is the catchment school. You can search up the borough council they are in, then enter
the address so you find out school catchment/bin collection dates etc.then go onto the school website, you can see what the school values etc are and they should also link to the ofsted report.

OP, I would try and find out which is the catchment school

Are you in Scotland? Unless you're in Scotland, there's no such thing as catchment schools anymore AFAIK.

In Scotland, if you're in catchment and apply in time, you're pretty much guaranteed a place.

In England and Wales (not sure about NI) the schools will apply a set of criteria to get in. One of them is distance, but there is no catchment boundary within which you are guaranteed a space. If you live 1,000m from the school and there are 200 spaces, but 200 kids are higher up the priority list than you, then you won't get a space.

Except in rural areas most people have a choice of schools to apply for, I'd imagine, there isn't just a single local school.

You can’t just ‘change your mind’ about the schools once the application has gone in. Not without it potentially being treated as a late application

Assuming the OP is in England, you can change your mind as often as you like before the deadline (which is tomorrow). After that any changes are likely to result in the application being treated as late.

I think the parent doing all the school runs should choose the school. Most schools round here are church schools and I'm Christian - Christianity to me is about love and accepting others. Jesus never turned anyone away.

In primary my dc have picked up things from peers that I disagree with so it's my role as a mum to teach my child as I see fit.

Sounds like the “arsehole ex” tag was unjustified then.

I meant, after the deadline. I wasn’t clear.

But to be honest OP, neither you or your ex seemed very clued up on the school application thing which is odd if your DC is at nursery.

One of them is distance, but there is no catchment boundary within which you are guaranteed a space.

In our English local authority you can look up your catchment school online, you get a guaranteed place after siblings in catchment and looked after children.

There are catchments in our area and I’m in England. You can look them up.

There's never a guarantee with respect to catchment areas.

Formally defined 'catchment areas' are better termed 'priority admission areas' i.e. if you live there you have priority over similar families who don't. If there are too many children 'in catchment' then some still won't get a place. (NB different in Scotland!)

'Catchment' is also used informally to mean 'the area that usually gets you in to the school'. Hence the term 'shrinking catchments' where each year you have to live closer and closer to the school in order to get a place.

Except in rural areas most people have a choice of schools to apply for, I'd imagine, there isn't just a single local school.

Ime, if you live in an area, where the schools are good, then they may all be oversubscribed because everyone in neighbouring towns wants to get their child in too. There may be three choices on the form, but realistically you may only get the nearest school and be lucky to get that!

1. Deadline is today
2. Applications opened on 15th sept 2019

THATS 4 months to prepare. You are a mother and you didn’t know? Why does your child not live with you? And why are you worried about where he’s going to school when you can’t even be bothered to raise him or be familiar with the process’ Of having children . You sound delightful Oh and it all doesn’t revolve around you just because you are in a LGBT relationship...

Disgraceful parent

There’s no way his nursery hasn’t sent several reminders about this. You can’t apply and then change or alter your application.

I’m sorry but YABU.

‘

I always find it bizarre that people aren't well enough mentally to give the time and energy to their children to have them in their care but seem to have enough of it to start new romantic relationships 🙄

I personally think romantic relationships do more damage to people's mental health than the relationship they have with their kids does but hey ho, what do I know, just another woman on the planet like the billions of others that put their children first...’

Spot on !

You can’t apply and then change or alter your application

You totally can in my area, I've just double checked the website and it clearly says you can amend up to the closing date. Is that not the case in all LAs?

OFSTED would (ironically) crucify any school which was overtly teaching homophobia in the name of Christianity. I think it’s pretty unlikely that you have much to worry about there op. Good luck for the future.