To want a say in my kids Primary School placement?

[Pikachu18]

I'm not with my ex anymore, however DS (4) lives with him full time.
We've both moved on, new relationships, ect.

However, my fiancé bought it to my attention the other week about DS heading up to Primary School and needing to look for placements. I spoke to my ex about this, and he wasn't even aware that he needed to apply for them 🙄
Today, I message him and not only has he told me that he's applied for three places already. But he also ignored my questions as to what sort of schools they were - ofsted reports, other parents comments and such. But upon further investigation, and a few Google results later. I found that one of the schools he's applied for is a devout Christian school. I am not a Christian, neither is my partner, nor my ex.
My partner and I are in a LGBT relationship, and I've always stood by raising my children to be open minded and accepting of those around them regardless of gender/race/who they love and to have one of my kids put into a school where that sort of thing isn't accepted...?
Thing is, of course my ex is being a 5 star A-Hole about the whole thing. I'm not too sure what I can even do in this situation..

Well, clearly you’re not at all involved in his care or you would have known about school applications etc not least because these are things which are often talked about between parents at preschool etc.

You say that you’re raising “all of my children” do you have other children and if so where are they/how old are they? Because if they’re older than the four year old then you would already have some experience of the school application system etc.

Can I ask why he’s living with your ex full-time?

YABU to act high and mighty about your ex not knowing about applying when you didn’t either. I think YABU to make assumptions about a particular school without knowing more.

YANBU - the NRP has rights too. You still have PR and those rights include being involved in schools being selected etc.

However, if you want to enforce those rights, you may need to get a court order.

The deadline is in 2 days. Not wishing to be harsh but you can’t be that interested if you’ve waited til now to show an interest. Your ex isn’t much better either as neither of you thought to apply for school places until very recently.

I have an ex who is very opinionated about our children’s education- but only after the cut off dates to apply for places. He’s fuming that our eldest isn’t in a grammar school. If he’d paid any attention to her education before now, he’d have realised she isn’t suited to grammar school.

It depends doesn't it?

You say he's with your ex "full time"

If by that you mean you're the NRP that has him every or every other weekend or has significant caring input still then yes, you should get a say.

If you're a more or less totally absent parent who rocks up to play Disney Parent as and when you choose, then no, you don't get a say, and you have a cheek to criticise your ex.

Not even slightly an expert but from our own search every Christian/Catholic school we encountered had additional requirements (church attendance, baptism) - so unless it's an undersubscribed school I imagine he has less chance of getting a place anyway, because the entry criteria were LAC, siblings, evidence of faith, then everyone else.

I spoke to my ex about this, and he wasn't even aware that he needed to apply for them 🙄

Well neither did you until your new partner mentioned It.

But he also ignored my questions as to what sort of schools they were

That's what the internet is for.

I message him and not only has he told me that he's applied for three places already

Good for him, what were you doing about your child's schooling?

You say your DS lives with your ex full time, so it's him that's going to be doing the school runs and manging the homework and doing the parents evenings etc etc, so principally it's his choice which schools he puts down in my opinion.

To be honest it's a bit hypocritical to say you want your DS to be "open minded and accepting of those around them" but don't want your DS to go to a school with views that differ to yours. It's not like they will be openly criticising homosexuality in a primary school regardless.

another one here wondering why you are so uninvolved

My DC went to a CofE primary school - it was not anti-gay at all, and I know gay parents who sent their children there and were happy with the school.

I assume your ex just went for the closest schools? If so, that's perfectly reasonable based on a) the fact that he'll be doing the school run and b) your DC is much more likely to gain a place at these schools.

I work in a C of E school with openly gay staff

Well as the non resident parent your don’t really get much of a say tbh. You won’t be the one doing the majority of pick ups and drop offs. Not like his shipped him off to private school the other end of the country to board.

if you are semi rural you may find that lots of village schools are CoE. Doesnt mean they are anti-gay.
did pre-school not say anything? Often they remind parents about this

You can still raise your child to be open minded, tolerant etc. Even if they get into that school they don't have to become devout Christian.
Open mindedness, acceptance of others and tolerance works all ways be that towards same sex relationships, those who are devout Christians and every other group out there.

Can I ask why he’s living with your ex full-time?

Why is that even relevant? If a man was posting and said his child was living with the mother full time, would you ask why?

How on Earth were you and your ex not aware that your 4 year old child would be going to school this September? That’s a massive parenting fail. This should have been forefront of your mind for months and you should have both visited your local primary schools so that you could make an informed decision. You’ve really left this very late. You can hardly criticise your ex for what he’s done. At least he has done something. If you cared so much about the kind of school your child goes to then you should have done something about it months ago.

The deadline is in 2 days.

On one hand as a nrp it's down to him to make those decisions but consulting would seem in the best interests of your child. Ultimately some decision around ease of access is important and future childcare prospects.

Nothing on earth would convince me to send my children to a faith school. Not so much for the exclusionary teachers that are attracted to those environmrnts but because of the play and learning time that is wasted on religious indoctrination.

Why is that even relevant? If a man was posting and said his child was living with the mother full time, would you ask why? well, if a man posted that he was unhappy with his ex’s choice of schools and that it had only been brought to his attention that school places were a thing just two days before the deadline I’d be asking him why he was so uninvolved in his child’s upbringing yes.

Why is that even relevant? If a man was posting and said his child was living with the mother full time, would you ask why?

well, if a man posted that he was unhappy with his ex’s choice of schools and that it had only been brought to his attention that school places were a thing just two days before the deadline I’d be asking him why he was so uninvolved in his child’s upbringing yes.

That's not what's being asked though. She's asking why her ex has the child. It's pure sexism, she's asking because he's a man who has custody of his child, as if there's something wrong about that.

What's the legal position in terms of parental responsibility? And do you have an access arrangement in place?

It’s moot to keep saying the deadline is Wednesday, dad has applied already. He’s named his choices.

My son is at a CoE school and their teachings are very inclusive

Do you live locally I think you’ll have to put in your applications ahead of the deadline considering most local schools and then ask about visits

Agree with others this is such a significant thing how has it passed both of you by

As she is in a gay relationship her ex might also be a she?

Sounds like you checked out of your childs education until a few days ago. He is now playing catch up but it is up to him where to place the child considering he has full time care.