To want a say in my kids Primary School placement?

[Pikachu18]

I'm not with my ex anymore, however DS (4) lives with him full time.
We've both moved on, new relationships, ect.

However, my fiancé bought it to my attention the other week about DS heading up to Primary School and needing to look for placements. I spoke to my ex about this, and he wasn't even aware that he needed to apply for them 🙄
Today, I message him and not only has he told me that he's applied for three places already. But he also ignored my questions as to what sort of schools they were - ofsted reports, other parents comments and such. But upon further investigation, and a few Google results later. I found that one of the schools he's applied for is a devout Christian school. I am not a Christian, neither is my partner, nor my ex.
My partner and I are in a LGBT relationship, and I've always stood by raising my children to be open minded and accepting of those around them regardless of gender/race/who they love and to have one of my kids put into a school where that sort of thing isn't accepted...?
Thing is, of course my ex is being a 5 star A-Hole about the whole thing. I'm not too sure what I can even do in this situation..

Frankly I feel sorry for your kid that he has two parents who hadn't consider his school placement by the age of four.

You both sound pretty apathetic.

Surely if you were genuinely interested in being involved you'd have found out when you had to go and look at schools and told your ex that you wanted to be involved?

I don’t understand how you’ve got to so close to the deadline and only just realised? We picked our school in Oct 2018 for starting this September! We attended the open evening over a year ago. How did you think they allocated school places if you didn’t decide/apply? I find it odd neither of you realised.

Not sure why you’ve both left it so late. Didn’t you want to go to any open days last year?

Our neighbours are a lesbian couple. Their children go to a catholic school. Surely it depends on the ethos of the individual school as to whether you need to worry?
Your ex might have just had to get on with it due to the impending deadline. When did you inform him/her and why didn't you follow up sooner. You're both a bit lax about this.

@slipperywhensparticus OP wrote “he” when referring to RP in her opening post.

I thought you could amend the form until the application deadline, so the OP could possibly agree with her ex for him to amend it, but it is a bit late in the process to be looking at schools and making such decisions.

Tbf, I did give my ex, who is the NRP, a say and allowed him to veto the Catholic school (which he did purely because my background is Catholic and he didn't want dd to be on "my" side).

If you genuinely want a say, spend a bit of time googling the schools in question today, and if you have strong views about one, you can put forward your views to your ex. I suggest you do this in an informed way, rather than a knee-jerk "faith school must be anti LGBT", which is not necessarily the case.

The Ofsted reports are really easy to find online. Do take into account the practicalities for your ex in getting the child to and from school - no point setting your heart on a school that he would find it difficult to manage (even if the child got in).

If your child lives with him full time then I think it's ultimately his choice to a huge extent. He will of factored in what works for them and what's around them. I presume he will be the one taking him and doing his homework etc.

Why is your son living with his dad full time? Also you do sometimes have to consider all options. Some might have religion etc that you don't particularly like. But you have to pick the ones that suit.

I have no religion. My first choice was a school 1 mile away (we walk) I liked this school because it had outstanding behaviour. I liked the Ofsted. I liked the look of the school and the things they did. I also wanted to meet new faces and it really appealed to me to have a fresh start.

My 2nd choice was one on the street I live. Nothing wrong with it really. Just didn't appeal to me as much as I felt it was full of my past. It was my old school. I know alot of people with kids at the school. A dreaded ex would also have a child in my DD class. I put this 2nd as the Ofsted wasn't as good and it didn't offer as much in terms of after-school clubs etc.

School 3. Was a Catholic school. We are not Catholics. I did my work experience here and it was a lovely school. Religeon wasn't a huge part of the school but they did some and it was more Mary related than Jesus. The school was just under a mile walk and seemed friendly. This was almost my second choice but the website did go very religious when it was taken over last year. I wasn't 100% sure. But I needed a third and the other closer to me if rife with bullying and a terrible Ofsted.

Your partner probably thinks because he's the main carer he doesn't need to overly explain himself to you. I mean that in a nice way. But he lives with him so therefore he knows what's going to be best for them as a family. He should of informed you though and answered questions! You have a right to know things, especially if you are going to do some of the school runs and stuff. Hope your little one gets into a good school x

Don't know how English folk cope with all the drama

It's not all drama everywhere, we just put down our local school with no sibling connection and got a place, it's the norm here.

I am asking certain that I recall this poster (can’t be many LGBT parents with a 4 year living full time with their father)

And if I’m correct - then it will soon become very apparent why the father was given the child on a full time basis

What do you mean by a devout Christian school?

Don't devout schools have religious criteria to their admissions? Is it even at all likely your child will get a place

I found that one of the schools he's applied for is a devout Christian school.

Half the primary schools in my area could be described on paper as devout Christian schools due to who runs them. However they are definitely not as I know people who were/are educated in them. The main difference is they are more likely to take children with additional needs and have plenty of children of other faiths.

Poor kid, neither parent knew about school application, good job your partner is on the ball eh?
As a pp said, unfortunately you aren't raising the child you share with your ex. So you just have to let him decide what he wants to do, and what suits him best as the resident parent.

@slipperywhensparticus
The OP said that the child "lives with him full time" so the ex is a man.

Wow, didn't expect so many replies.
I didn't want to drip feed, but just to clear a few things up-my Son lives with my ex due to personal reasons causing me to need mental help.
However, my ex has not put me down as a point of contact with his nursery, I've tried many times to call but they won't speak to me without his consent.
I've looked up the schools online and checked ofsted, and yes I know it's late but I genuinely heard nothing about this and thought there would be more time.

If you're on the child's birth certificate and there's no court order preventing you then the nursery can't refuse to speak to you.
Do you have contact with your child? If not, why not?

So there is nothing you can do then, the applications are in and it will be sorted. Are you genuinely concerned regarding the other school choices or more annoyed at your ex for some reason which is clouding your view?

All children at primary learn abit about Jesus or being a Christian. It's good for them to learn abit even if you don't follow it. Plus alot of it is great fun. Like my DD did her first Nativity. She loved it. She made a christingle which she absolutely loved. I presume at Easter they will learn abit about Jesus and do some fun things around that. It's taught to children in a fun positive way. It doesn't hurt them to say a prayer and learn a few stories. It's not going to damage them. Whatever school your child goes to they will at some point probably sing a song about Mary or Jesus, say prayers and learn parts of the Bible etc. Its always been a thing and as i say it's usually fun and interesting for the little ones. My daughter makes me take her in a church near us. We are not religious and she has no real clue what it's all about. But she likes sitting on the seats and looking at the art on the walls. I don't panic about it. I tell her the truth and keep it light lol!

Pikachu

Your situation sounds complex, but you need to decide what you are going to do moving forward, it's not just choice of school.
If you want to take an active role you need to discuss this with your ex, state what you do want and fight for it.
If you don't want an active role, let your dh do it alone and don't interfere.
As parents you are both at huge risk of letting your poor child down.

My kids attend a Christian school (I wasn’t aware that it was one until they were already in it but that’s another story) and they are pro LGBT. I wouldn’t worry to much and since your son lives with his dad unfortunately he gets last say.

Do you have legal parental responsibility? If so, the nursery can't refuse to send you information.

I think I remember this poster too, she needs kindness folks.

annualleave is right, unless there is a court order preventing contact, then the nursery has to speak to you if you have PR.

Obviously the RP needs to do what works for them regarding distance, afterschool care etc, but you should have a say in it overall

Also if you want a more active role in your child’s life, best bet is going to court to fight for that access.