To want a say in my kids Primary School placement?

[Pikachu18]

I'm not with my ex anymore, however DS (4) lives with him full time.
We've both moved on, new relationships, ect.

However, my fiancé bought it to my attention the other week about DS heading up to Primary School and needing to look for placements. I spoke to my ex about this, and he wasn't even aware that he needed to apply for them 🙄
Today, I message him and not only has he told me that he's applied for three places already. But he also ignored my questions as to what sort of schools they were - ofsted reports, other parents comments and such. But upon further investigation, and a few Google results later. I found that one of the schools he's applied for is a devout Christian school. I am not a Christian, neither is my partner, nor my ex.
My partner and I are in a LGBT relationship, and I've always stood by raising my children to be open minded and accepting of those around them regardless of gender/race/who they love and to have one of my kids put into a school where that sort of thing isn't accepted...?
Thing is, of course my ex is being a 5 star A-Hole about the whole thing. I'm not too sure what I can even do in this situation..

If you don’t do any of the parenting and pick ups/drop off , why should you get a say 🤷🏻‍♀️

you put down choices you dnot get to pick its allocated so neither of you might get your first choice anyway

The nursery is wrong. Unless your son has been adopted you have parental responsibility and are entitled to information from your son's nursery. You will similarly be entitled to information from his school.
The nursery would need to confirm her identity though so I presume wouldn’t give her information over the phone without having met her or had some firm of proof of identity or relationship. Otherwise anyone could call, say they are Xs mum and get information. I know my child’s school ask for the NRP to attend with photo identification and a copy of the child’s birth certificate to evidence parental rights, you couldn’t just phone and ask. After they’ve confirmed that information they’ll happily speak on the phone but the first time they need proof of who you are.

I work in a C of E school. It is not devout but is a church school. Children are taught to be accepting of all people so don't assume just because it has religious undertones that it doesn't educate liberal ideas that accept all people. You are making assumptions and judgements on not enough knowledge.
Also as your ex had full custody it is really up them.

I guess the trouble is, you aren't raising your child. They are with your ex full time. So the ex gets to make that decision

Nope. Parental Responsibility gives both parents an equal decision in major issues related to bringing up a child. One such issue is, quite clearly, education.

If you don’t do any of the parenting and pick ups/drop off , why should you get a say

Because the Law says she can have a say? Because a child has two parents, not one? Because just because a couple have split, doesn’t stop the parent who sees their child less as a result being their parent or indeed, an equal parent?

OP. There is an organisation called Match Mothers which you may find helpful. You have every right to a say in your child’s education but please don’t assume a school with a religious title will automatically be discriminatory. It really isn’t like that.

DD went to a Catholic school, set up by an order of nuns, some of whom lived in a convent on site (not our choice).

I know at least one of the staff was gay, so I doubt LGBT was a problem.

Where we live, realistically there is no choice for “normal” children - parents count themselves lucky to get their nearest school. Choice is an illusion!

The RP gets to decide. The other parent can contest this through court.

The other parent will have to have a good reason why the school chosen by the RP isn't a good one.

The OP has no visitation by the looks of it. So is doing nothing in the way of working towards raising the child. But thinks she gets to stick in about this.

Unless she can post some humongous drip feed she's got no hope.

And next time, post on the Chat board or in Education or Relationships but anywhere but AIBU as it's just full of arseholes who make a sport out of having a go.

Except without any of the 'sportspersonship'.

Hey OP

Welcome to Mumsnet! Tricky situation. You may find it more useful to engage with the replies a bit more so that people can give more tailored support.

Realistically, your child has a chance of only being able to get in one school due to distance, catchment etc.

We had the option of catchment school, and church school at primary. For first child we had three options on distance for secondary, and one on faith.

For second child this had narrowed to one for distance and one for sibling, as distances had shrunk.

* Welcome to Mumsnet! Tricky situation. You may find it more useful to engage with the replies a bit more so that people can give more tailored support.*

Op not new. Posted many times previously under a different name and honestly - disturbing stuff that made me and many other posters very glad the children is with his father

Brutal but I recall the threads

@lovemenorca is sadly correct.

*Op not new. Posted many times previously under a different name and honestly - disturbing stuff that made me and many other posters very glad the children is with his father

Brutal but I recall the threads*

I don't recall the threads but remarks from those who do suggest that the posters who are telling the OP she has PR and rights in this situation and needs to assert this with the nursery are making assumptions based on the norm and giving her bad advice.

Despite several comments from strangers telling the OP she must have PR, her own comments have not clarified this and hint otherwise.

The two of you are very lackadaisical !!!

You had to have it brought to your attention that the boys schooling was beginning and your ex didn't realise the needed to apply to schools! 😱

It's January 🤦🏻‍♀

Poor kid.

If you’re not doing any pick ups, drop offs, homework etc then the RP gets full say.

Open-minded are you? Well actually you’re not. You’re stereotyping Christians and assuming them to be bigoted. Well I’m a Christian and I’m not. And you’re not raising your child, your ex is. YABVU

Unless the application has been made to devout christian schools on the basis of religion it is highly unlikely your child will get in. There is a long list of criteria for any school if its over subscribed, which lets face it is most schools now if they are any good. The top of the criteria list are children who are in local authority care, then kids with an EHCP, then kids with sibling in school, those with religion (which has to be supported by a letter from the minister/vicar/preacher etc) followed by home to school distance.

Because the Law says she can have a say? Because a child has two parents, not one? Because just because a couple have split, doesn’t stop the parent who sees their child less as a result being their parent or indeed, an equal parent?*
You clearly know fuck all ... there is so much more to this situation,don’t be so blinkered

EineReiseDurchDieZeit
Now love has mentioned it, I think can recall a previous thread. If it's the one I'm thinking of then the situation was challenging and far from simple.

Personally the resident parent has put the preferences in and unless there's a substantial reason why any of the convenient schools chosen would be problematic then I don't see why a non resident parent would need to change things

Why do so many people on MN believe that the law and rights are what they think they should be or want them to be? I see it all the time.

We don't know if this particular poster has PR but any NRP with PR DOES LEGALLY HAVE THE RIGHT TO A SAY. They automatically have that right. They don't have to go to court to contest anything. Providing 100% of the care doesn't entitle someone to 100% of the decision making.

You might not like it but that's the law.

Despite several comments from strangers telling the OP she must have PR, her own comments have not clarified this and hint otherwise

A mother's PR can only be removed by the child being adopted. It cannot be removed by the courts. I therefore stand by my comments.

So thankful of Separation of Church and State

So if RP says DC is going to A school and non parent says their going to B school who wins.

A Because they have their hands on the child and will physically take them to the school they choose. So yes. To contest is non parent would have to go to court.

The time for an opinion is not 2 days before applications close. It is for when applications open.

And that’s the problem teen, isn’t it. I’ll assume prh is correct about a mother’s parental rights. A couple of options to solve this were available but none of those things are really doable between now and Wednesday.