Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you want to meet a half-sibling you never knew you had?

172 replies

AmyFarrahFowlersTiara · 13/01/2020 09:47

There is no way to tell the backstory to this without it being horribly outing, so I am going to jump straight to the question:

If you found out you have a half-sibling after the death of a parent you were nc with, would you want to meet your sibling?

Roughly same ages but going by SM, we have nothing in common, very different lives. I really do not see the point in wanting to meet them - AIBU?

OP posts:
WestBerlin · 13/01/2020 16:50

No. I have an older half sibling, but was raised an only child. I’ve never met them and I’m not interested enough to.

NewnameOldposter · 13/01/2020 17:05

Th

FenellaVelour · 13/01/2020 17:07

I met an older full sibling of mine who had been adopted at birth, but in very different family circumstances to you as I am close to my parents. In the event, when sibling traced us, I did see them and they were perfectly nice but we had little in common and didn’t feel like family, I speak to them now on occasion but don’t really have that much to do with them. We’re I in your position, being NC with parent, I doubt very much if I’d have bothered.

NewnameOldposter · 13/01/2020 17:07

Those who can't imagine why you wouldn't want to meet the half sibling.

I found out after DMs passing that I have a half sibling. This was a result of my grandfather raping my mum as a child/teen.

I didn't hesitate for a second after finding out to make the decision to not want to know anything further about them. My sibling felt the same.

TigerOnATrain · 13/01/2020 19:22

@Tsubasa1

It will be good to be on good terms with them if you ever need a new kidney/liver in the future, keep that in mind!

@ChangeInTime

That's quite an assumption that they're even willing. I don't imagine most people would be. With two exceptions there's not a chance in hell that I'd offer up a kidney for someone.

That's what I said earlier, (when someone else said the same thing!) I wouldn't be giving a kidney to a random stranger, (which is what a half sibling I never knew I had - til I was 40 - would be!) And I wouldn't want a kidney from them.

The ONLY people who'd get a kidney from me, is one of my children, or one my FULL siblings who I grew up with.

Such a bizarre thing to say 'make sure you stay on good terms with this half sibling you just met at the age of 40, in case you need a kidney in the future!'

LMFAO. Even if you became friendly, and kept in touch, there's no guarantee the half sibling will give you a kidney anyway! It's not like you're asking for a character reference, or for them to lend you £50. You would be expecting them to have a life-risking procedure, and for them to be cut open, and give you one of their organs! LOL! Daft.

Thatnameistaken · 13/01/2020 19:50

I had this situation but NC father was still alive. My brother and I met our half sister who was a result of one Fs affairs and had been put up for adoption as a baby because piece of shit F wasn't interested in raising a child with her mother. I had absolutely nothing in common with her and never met her again, my brother kept up contact for a year or two but it petered out.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 13/01/2020 19:52

I would I may need a kidney one day.

MondeoFan · 13/01/2020 19:54

I would who cares if you have things in common or not? It's your half sibling.
Can't understand people saying they wouldn't. Why wouldn't you?

TigerOnATrain · 13/01/2020 19:54

@Thatssomebadhatharry

I would - I may need a kidney one day.

Are you taking the piss?

madcatladyforever · 13/01/2020 19:55

I definitely would or I'd die of curiosity.

Fr0g · 13/01/2020 20:00

I don't have any contact with the brother I do have! - But very close to my half sister.
I think I would meet a half sibling that appeared out of the ether, from curiosity if nothing else - but without much expectation - and no intention to continue a relationship if little in common.

Even if you didn't get on with the common parent, interesting to hear another perspective maybe, if new found sibling knew them better.

3ismylot · 13/01/2020 20:08

I am in the situation where I AM the half-sibling they didn't/don't know about.
My parents were 16/17 when I was conceived, my Mum never told my Dad that she was pregnant once they had split up and then she was forced to give me up for adoption.
I traced my Mum 12 years ago and I had a half-brother and sister who knew about me, it wasn't always straightforward but we get on well (although sadly my brother died suddenly in 2018 and I was and still am gutted at losing him) me and my sister are just arranging a birthday surprise for mum.
I traced and contacted my Dad on 12th December (2019) and he was obviously shocked to discover that he has a nearly 40-year-old daughter, but he has been amazing and we have spoken every day since the first contact and met in person once so far. From him, I have a half-brother and sister and he has a step-daughter who he has raised from a toddler too. They do not know about me yet but will do in the coming weeks.
I am open to meeting them all but will also totally understand if they are not interested. I would never want them to do anything they are not comfortable with and everyone should have the choice without having to justify themselves.

1Morewineplease · 13/01/2020 20:09

I’m 55. I found out two years ago that my father had a son who would have been 28 years older than me. This son went on to marry young and had four sons , the eldest was three years younger than me.
Lots of genealoging ( if that’s even a word) later I discovered that my brother died three years ago.
I’d love to meet them but I’d have absolutely nothing positive to say about my father. I’ve decided to back away.

I’m sorry I’m not helping . However, I really wish that I could have met my brother.

vdbfamily · 13/01/2020 20:11

I would definitely wish to meet them.

corcaithecat · 13/01/2020 20:15

Yes, I would but then I enjoy meeting new people regardless.

My friend discovered she had a younger half sibling after her birth mother died. Long story short, they finally met up and have become very close. Half sibling is married but has no children of their own and adores my friend's children and grandchildren.
Definitely the stuff of novels with a very happy ending.

lookingatthepast · 13/01/2020 20:18

Haven't read through the whole thread but had to reply.

I was that sibling !
I spent my entire adult life searching for my father and when I found him he was long dead. His 3 other children who I had never met held the key (via a sibling dna test) to me finding the answer.

I met with them once it was established we were related and although it's taking time to get to know them (they are used to being a three sons until I came along ) they are glad to have me as it allows them to talk about their dad and it feels like they have got a part of him back via me and my children.

You have no idea what this could mean to your sibling and although on social media you may be very different give it a chance even if it's gently at first. You have nothing to lose and everything to possibly gain

Mummadeeze · 13/01/2020 20:28

I think I would be curious if we were related by blood, yes.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/01/2020 20:34

No I would not, and I have got 4 half siblings that I know of. 3 of them I have met but haven't seen in nearly 20 years. Never met the 4th.

They are my dad's children, I'm NC with him and I'm not interested in having a relationship with his other children. If they got in contact with me I would refuse, it's a part of my life I want to leave in the past.

midnightmisssuki · 13/01/2020 20:36

I would.

BackforGood · 13/01/2020 20:39

I too think I would want to, as I am a nosey person and would be really interested to meet someone who was a half sibling.

Interesting how many who have actually been in the situation said they haven't wanted to though.

Backhometothenorth · 13/01/2020 20:45

Definitely! My half brother is the sibling I am closest too.

PumpkinP · 13/01/2020 20:56

Very interesting thread.. my children’s father is absent and he has a son from a previous relationship who my children don’t know about and probably will never meet, likewise I believe he doesn’t know about them but I’m not sure. It’s reassuring to know many wouldn’t be interested in a relationship if they found out about a half sibling. Personally I wouldn’t meet or have a relationship with a half sibling either and that might seem horrible to some but I have plenty of family I’ve never met so I can’t see the difference!

Atilathehunter · 13/01/2020 20:58

YANBU to not want to meet this sibling but I for one would absolutely want to meet a half sibling I never knew about.

lljkk · 13/01/2020 21:01

YES for sure I would want to meet them, have a chance to develop a relationship.

cornishbutnotbeachlover · 13/01/2020 21:16

Yes I would. I have an older half sibling. My dad was married before he married my mum.
I've known she existed since I was a child but we never met and my dad didn't have anything to do with her after the divorce afaik.
I'm sure she must greatly dislike my dad which makes this difficult, but he died a long time ago now.
In a weird twist of fate, not long ago I found out more about her, from ancestry and Facebook and we've actually met through my dd. I'm sure she has no idea who I am though.
I know she's a lovely person who my dd got on really well with so I would like to contact her about this sometime, but I've not yet been brave enough to do so.