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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you want to meet a half-sibling you never knew you had?

172 replies

AmyFarrahFowlersTiara · 13/01/2020 09:47

There is no way to tell the backstory to this without it being horribly outing, so I am going to jump straight to the question:

If you found out you have a half-sibling after the death of a parent you were nc with, would you want to meet your sibling?

Roughly same ages but going by SM, we have nothing in common, very different lives. I really do not see the point in wanting to meet them - AIBU?

OP posts:
Mulledwineinajug · 13/01/2020 13:41

I couldn’t really say until it happened. But I wouldn’t recognise my cousins in the street and I think I have some I haven’t met, so I don’t expect I’d be particularly desperate to meet

Ember89 · 13/01/2020 13:44

I have a half sibling (on my dads side) that I met as an adult. I am NC with my dad. She met him initially and now is also NC after a very hard realisation that he would never be the dad she hoped and searched for.

I have siblings that have chosen not to get to know her, feeling that too much time has passed for them to bond. I completely respect that and agree with them that it's a different sibling relationship, it takes effort in a way that communicating with the siblings I've been around all my life doesn't. I'm not someone that believes just because someone has the same blood as you that they have a right to a relationship but I did feel interested to see our similarities and differences.

Grobagsforever · 13/01/2020 13:50

@OP - my husband did. He found out he had a brother and sister when he was 30 (they were older). The brother and sister had been raised by their mum after husband's dad effectively abandoned them as a teenage father. He kept the secret for 35 years!! Husband was found via Facebook, he has a relatively unusual surname, which helped.

He never regretted it, it was a fascinating experience.

Hanab · 13/01/2020 13:52

I would! Just to meet and acknowledge the family connection .. I always think it is better to know who your family is as it avoids future issues. G_d forbid a couple ends up in a relationship only to find out they are blood related ( it has happened)

That said you don’t have to socialise together or have any other interaction ..

LagunaBubbles · 13/01/2020 13:53

I've been there, except it wasn't a parent I was in no contact with it was my Mum. After her death I was clearing out her room and I found a letter. To cut a long story short it was from a woman who was my half sister whom she had gave birth to as a teenager long before she met my Dad and had me and my brother. She had traced her. But it didn't look as if my Mum wanted her in her life. It was a huge shock. I did end up looking her up and in the end she was still at address in letter and let her know about Mum passing. But strangely I have had no interest in meeting her. Whereas before if someone had asked me hypothetically I would have said yes.

BlueEyedGreeness · 13/01/2020 13:53

Yes, yes absolutely yes!
Family is very important to me and I'd love more siblings.
It's a really personal thing though.
Also don't go off social media, that's just not a true representation of anyone's true personality.

Abouttimemum · 13/01/2020 13:54

Rumour has it my dad has another child somewhere, although our parents have never confirmed it. I’ve got no interest in meeting them if they do exist.

FreedomfromPE · 13/01/2020 13:54

A friend at school went through meeting several separate half siblings she'd had no.idea about. It's been a mixed bag for her. Without the parent you can at least do this on your terms without that person sticking an oar in.

Based on my friends experience if you want to then take it very slowly . Get to know their background. Where they are at in life before going forward.

FreedomfromPE · 13/01/2020 13:55

I'd recommend using email for at least 6 months!

blubelle7 · 13/01/2020 13:56

No

Equanimitas · 13/01/2020 13:58

I would, if only out of curiosity. Knowing that there is someone out there who is so closely related to whom I have never met would annoy me.

lubeybooby · 13/01/2020 14:02

I would. That person shares dna and a parent. To me that is really interesting. Meeting them doesn't mean you suddenly have to live with them or spend all your time with them or anything and if you don't get on you never have to see each other again at all. I don't see any harm in just a friendly coffee or something and just see in person what the craic is.

Tsubasa1 · 13/01/2020 14:15

YABU, it won't hurt you to meet them and have a little chat with them. You don't need to treat them like a sibling and dont need to call them again or meet them again if you dont like them.

Tsubasa1 · 13/01/2020 14:17

It will be good to be on good terms with them if you ever need a new kidney/liver in the future, keep that in mind

Beautiful3 · 13/01/2020 14:46

No I wouldn't want to. I suppose you could meet up once in a cafe, out of sheer curiosity?

TheReluctantCountess · 13/01/2020 14:47

I have a half-sibling who came into my life as an adult. We have met a few times, but we don’t really have room in our lives for each other, if that makes sense.

SchrodingersBox · 13/01/2020 15:02

My parents split before I was born and I made contact with my biological father when I reached 30 and so have several half siblings. I knew that there were probably siblings out there whereas they had no idea about me. I get on well with all of them although have differing levels of contact. I'd recommend chatting via email/social media first and take it from there.

milliefiori · 13/01/2020 15:05

I would. Desperately. I'd love to know of such a close family member and be really sad not to. My father was not faithful and i have often wondered...

squeekums · 13/01/2020 15:13

Nope
As it is i havent spoken to my brother since i was 15 and i wouldnt bother looking to contact now

ChangeInTime · 13/01/2020 15:18

It will be good to be on good terms with them if you ever need a new kidney/liver in the future, keep that in mind

That's quite an assumption that they're even willing. I don't imagine most people would be. With two exceptions there's not a chance in hell that I'd offer up a kidney for someone.

Ferretyone · 13/01/2020 15:20

@AmyFarrahFowlersTiara

Not particularly interested ...

I found out about my birth father ["adopted"] and know a little about him and his other offspring. My parents are the ones who raised me .

notsodimwit · 13/01/2020 16:29

I haven't Sad they didn't want to meet me Sad

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 13/01/2020 16:33

If my half sibling, who I have never met but have always known about, got in touch with me then I'd meet her. I'm curious about her, but that's never been enough of a reason for me to disrupt her life. If she wanted more information about our shared parent then I think she's entitled to that.

TheFuzzyStar · 13/01/2020 16:39

I have 3 that I’ve never met thanks to my dad being an arsehole. I’m the oldest. Doubt we would have anything in common but I would like to meet them as I don’t have any other siblings.

RavenLG · 13/01/2020 16:49

I have a half brother I've never met and have no inclination to. I don't really know why but they're a stranger to me and I don't want to open a can of worms to be honest. I'm content in my life as selfish as that is.