OK this is going to sound awful and I'm expecting some of you to condemn me for this.
My nan has been in a care home for the past 18 months. Dementia has taken hold - she is a shell of the woman she once was. Multiple heart attacks, struck down with pneumonia last year, and still she pulls through.
Now this woman is a huge part of my life. I love her dearly and cherish her. She was a second mum to me growing up. She was clean, tidy, intelligent. Survived WW2 and her husband dying young. An incredible, strong woman all around.
To see her like this it's...heartbreaking.
I want her to fall asleep tonight and not wake up tomorrow. I want her to be at peace. I want her to be free, from medication and the care home and the fear of another heart attack or bout of illness.
I sound heartless, I know I do. Please tell me there are others of you out there, who have been through this and can understand my feelings.
It's an awful time.