AIBU to drop friend' caught fibbing.

[othervoicesotherrooms]

Friend (A) of many years has been caring for one of her parents & has understandably found it harder to meet up or be in contact regularly. Or so I thought.

I let her know that I was free to meet up if she had any time off : coffee, lunch, cinema whatever but accepted that she was busy.
Didn't see friend (A) at all over Christmas or new year.

I have just found out from another friend (B) that (A) has actually been out and about many times with a group of women (B) socialises with.

(Friend (A ) doesn't know that I know friend B)

(A) has just messaged me to ask if I'd like to meet up as 'she could do with a break from the relentlessness' (of looking after her parent). She said she is sorry it's been so long but she hasn't had a minute to herself over Xmas/new year.

I'm tempted to ignore. WIBU? WWYD?

@velourvoyageur

It never ceases to amaze me on MN how people feel justified in feeling hard done by because they get the sense that someone doesn’t like them as much as they like that person (not saying this is the case with your friend OP). It hurts a lot, it happens to everyone, but it’s not their problem!

And would you rather a white lie (not that this is one) or to have her spell out what you don‘t want to hear?

If the OP's friend IS lying to her, by trying to drop her a hint, (that she is bored with her/doesn't want her as a friend,) then she should tell her instead of being a devious, sneaky liar.

Frankly the OP needs to drop this so-called 'friend.' She is no friend, she is no good for her, and anyone who supports this 'friend,' is as bad as this 'friend.'

@SquashedFlyBiscuit

I agree with velour, i dont see the fib. I think "catching her out" when shes a carer and exhausted is just mean.

and...

@Urkiddingright

This is so creepy and controlling. She’s allowed to spend her free time however she pleases, this time she chose to spend it with someone other than you.

and...

@thekaiserswife

Just GROW UP!

ANOTHER three who cannot be arsed to read the OP's posts properly. Or is just coming on here to have a dig. WTF is wrong with you?!

Pathetic.

Don't you lot have some homework to be getting on with, to hand it at school tomorrow?!

Creepier to lie and suggest you haven’t been out at all. That’s what the OP finds weird - the lie

She didn’t actually say that.

I couldnt sit there socialising whilst “friend” went on and on playing out the martyr card about 24/7 with parent when I knew that wasnt true. I wouldnt enjoy the company

Oliversmum A strongly implied she hadn't been out at all, and the op made it clear in the thread title that she was unhappy because of the lie

I had a similar but not quite issue with a friend I've drifted from. We were still in early 20s then and I still wanted to go "out out" but she had small children and would constantly say she had no childcare. Also the nights when her ex DP wasn't working were the only nights they had together.

Fair enough.

Except oddly enough she seemed to be able to find childcare to go out with other Mums and also if her Dad wanted an evening out with her.

I realised that she had childcare, but it was limited and I simply wasn't worth using it up on

And yes, it stung. It isn't about different friend value levels it is about getting lied to, to your face by a friend.

Just weird to be keeping score and checking up in this way. I would rather "friends" who did this dropped me.

Things can be relentless even if you're not literally housebound. It wouldn't occur to me that your friend had been lying - you're being weirdly controlling and over-invested.

If a friend thought I wasn't allowed to leave the house without informing her, and that I couldn't be having a rough time unless I was 24/7 miserable, I would rather she dropped me to be honest.

If a friend thought I wasn't allowed to leave the house without informing her

Um....where did the OP state her friend couldn't leave her house without informing her? this is a tad OTT, she never said that. She said she has no issue with her friend seeing other friends, just that she found it weird her friend lied about it to her. Thats all. Nowhere did OP fume that this friend daren't see anyone else apart from her or that she'd stalked her FB or that she was spying on her, checking she didnt leave the house, or that she had bought a telescope and a notepad to keep records of all her movements.

People are just being obtuse now on purpose.

I have a friend who I need to message to get together with. I’ve had a shitter of a year and she’s checked in on me regularly by text, plus I’ve seen her a few times.

The thing is- she’ll ask me how everything is. My situation feels relentless and sometimes I just want to get away from it.

I love her to bits, but I’ve just needed to forget a bit when I’ve managed to get out of the house.

I hope you have a good catch up with your friend tomorrow.

I would just say no. Let her lie to someone else .

People are just being obtuse now on purpose.

That's unnecessarily rude. It's not obtuse to disagree with the OP's interpretation of a message.

At no point has the friend said that she hasn't been out with other people. The OP has inferred that from the friend saying things have been "relentless" for her. The OP is being really OTT to make out that her friend has directly lied or misled her.

That's unnecessarily rude

Actually- you were very rude yourself- you told the OP she was being "weirdly controlling and over investing" and implied she wouldnt let her friend leave the house without informing her.

Thats rude. Way ruder than "obtuse".

Yes, because the OP asked for opinions.

I don't think it would be unreasonable to mention Friend B, op, in a casual "B mentioned she'd seen you at such and such". If A is genuine then she'll just be "Ah right, cool, you've met B"; if she was attempting to mislead then surely her face will show that she knows she's been caught out. I would be annoyed at the lie too, not the being out per se.

Ok! We met up for coffee for a couple of hours this afternoon!

She was her usual self - chatty, wanting to catch up with my news, asking me what I've been up to, where I went at Christmas and who I saw (maybe I should be worried about this after some of the replies in this thread after all, she doesn't OWN me!! )

I, in turn, asked her how she was and what her news was from the holiday....

Well...
Quote: 'It has been full on. Non stop with M&D. I've not been able to do anything! So bloody miserable! it's so good to finally get out for a bit... It's so good to see you...!'

Followed by talk about plans for parent's care, info about their health problems, fall outs with siblings, holidays/work and normal stuff.

I didn't mention anything about anything and neither did she.

It's been interesting reading the responses on here!
Some really insightful comments (thank you!) and some seriously batshit comments from others who have made up and responded venomously to their own imaginary & seriously f'ked up story!

Why didn't you just tell her that B had mentioned she'd been out with her over Christmas?

Shockers: The thing is- she’ll ask me how everything is. My situation feels relentless and sometimes I just want to get away from it.

I get this!! I would feel the same!

Not the case here sadly. My friend talked about nothing other than the crap stuff today (& left out the good stuff...).

Drum TBH, I couldn't be bothered.
After reading some of the bonkers comments on here today about me being an over invested stalker friend I thought I'd let it be.

However, I have come to the conclusion that she just wants me for tea & sympathy. She'll have fun elsewhere, with others it seems.

I'll have a think about that...

I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut after this update. I’d text something like ‘I ran into B this afternoon. She said you’d been out with X, Y and Z over Christmas, did you have a nice time?’ It isn’t an outright confrontation. (I’d make sure I had my facts right first - is B definitely right? Is she talking about the right person?)

other suspect you're right, from the sound of it. Still, as 'quirks' go, I suppose it's more harmless than stalking internet forums in order to insult total strangers....

You need to know more about what is going on. Lots of good points made on here. See her, see what she has to say, I would mention it and see what comes up, because there may be a good explanation.

Jesus: Still, as 'quirks' go, I suppose it's more harmless than stalking internet forums in order to insult total strangers....

This!

I'm going to keep my mouth shut. I think I know where I stand though. Always a good thing imo!

However, I have come to the conclusion that she just wants me for tea & sympathy. She'll have fun elsewhere, with others it seems

Sounds like this is the case. I’d fade her out, she’s a liar.
I’ve been chuckling at the “you’re an over invested stalker, who can’t allow friends to leave the house” comments. Absolutely ridiculous! I think some people come on here to purposely be unkind and have a go at others to vent their own frustrations. It’s sad.

However, I have come to the conclusion that she just wants me for tea & sympathy. She'll have fun elsewhere, with others it seems

Yup - i'm afraid i agree.
I bet she's the type to go on the defensive if you 'innocently' call her out on her lies.
Then she'll probably go to th others bitching about YOU being 'possessive' and 'stalking' her and trying to 'control' how she lives/socializes.

She's a loser!

Russell
I've learnt an awful lot about myself from random nutjobs people on this thread!!