AIBU to drop friend' caught fibbing.

[othervoicesotherrooms]

Friend (A) of many years has been caring for one of her parents & has understandably found it harder to meet up or be in contact regularly. Or so I thought.

I let her know that I was free to meet up if she had any time off : coffee, lunch, cinema whatever but accepted that she was busy.
Didn't see friend (A) at all over Christmas or new year.

I have just found out from another friend (B) that (A) has actually been out and about many times with a group of women (B) socialises with.

(Friend (A ) doesn't know that I know friend B)

(A) has just messaged me to ask if I'd like to meet up as 'she could do with a break from the relentlessness' (of looking after her parent). She said she is sorry it's been so long but she hasn't had a minute to herself over Xmas/new year.

I'm tempted to ignore. WIBU? WWYD?

No one is mentioning possibility that the the friend doesn’t enjoy your company at the moment ?

Then why on earth would the friend ask OP to meet up, not once, but twice, within a few days this week?

Wow, there are a lot of people on here who are hard work, and it's not the OP.
So much viciousness towards a stranger on the internet, whose posts you have to twist and wilfully misunderstand, in order to put the boot in.

It's sad that people do this.

It doesn’t sound to me like the friend was avoiding her at all- just that she has more than one friend and needs to balance caring for a sick parent with keeping up with people.

And that very well could be the case - so why lie about it and say you haven’t been out at all?

My harshest critics have inadvertently strengthened the gut feeling I had at the start of this thread!

I don't believe that my 'friend' thinks I am a stalker, hard work, selfish, possessive or a narcissistic. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't get in touch if that was the case.

There are so many people who think it's ok to compartmentalise and base friendships entirely on their own needs/wants. Is that ever ok? Really?

I'm going to answer my own question...
if you are caring for a relative with a terminal /life changing/limiting/ debilitating illness /condition - YES

This is NOT what my 'friend' has been doing.

Oh well, I've decided I'm going to step away from her. I'm more irritated with her now than I was on Sunday!

Probably the right decision - she is your friend, not mine if it twitches your gut instinct. But perhaps her insistence at meeting up belies a guilty conscience?

If I where you, I'd go but ask her about why she saw fit to lie about seeing her other friends? Maybe not so blunt - people are allowed to have and see other friends but why woud you lie about it?
If she gets defensive then carry on.

People often lie in situations like this because it’s kinder than telling the truth
Obviously we don’t know her reasons but what if she’d said,
I’ve got a lot on with caring for my parent, but I do really want to get in with a group of friends and so I went out with them rather than you.
Or tbh you are lovely but can a bit hard going sometimes etc etc.

I’ve lied before rather than give the real reason if it was embarrassing ( too far to travel, I’m a bit hard up or else if something is potentially hurtful.x

Did you meet up with her in the end?

Or tbh you are lovely but can a bit hard going sometimes etc etc

If this was the case then why was the friend just asking to meet up? And why did the friend bend OPs ear for 2 hours about her issues and problems? You dont do that with someone you consider to be “hard work” do you?!

It sounds to me more like a lie of omission rather than an intended deceit. She probably has felt like it's been relentless but didn't want to mention that she'd had a chance amongst all that to see some other friends as she thought it might hurt your feelings. Yes, maybe she should have mentioned it when you met up but it may not of occurred to her, or she might not have wanted you to feel like her second choice, or it might have just felt easier for her to gloss over.

And I imagine one odd night out here and there doesn't make it feel any less relentless. Also, she may also focus on the negative stuff with them, not necessarily just you.

I would probably overthink it too so I don't think you're in the wrong for doing so, but do think you should cut her some slack.