What Children’s toy still traumatises you?

[Soubriquet]

Was discussing toys from when my oldest was a baby, when I suddenly remembered that stupid singing v-tech bear my mum bought my dd.

Nearly 7 years later, and I still remember the fucking song

“I’m a friendly light up bear
I’ll teach you 1-2-3
A sleepy hungry happy bear
Hey come and hug me”

Then it would randomly go off in the evening with things like “I’m a happy bear!”

No bear...you were lucky to be in one piece

I used to find it bizarre all these baby toys wanting to teach 'ABC' and '123'. Babies don't tend to learn the alphabet etc, do they?

Not a toy but balloons! I fucking hate balloons that can pop, so foil ones are five but the ones that can go bang I hate! I also hated Christmas crackers, used to hide I'm a cupboard whilst they were being pulled!

Thanks op, you have just reawakened traumatic memories that I had deeply buried.

Just the words I'm a happy bear, sends shivers down my spine.

And the bloody thing never ran out of batteries!

My brother bought DD one of those talking bears that say nice things randomly if you press their tummy. Bought it in his lunch hour. He was then working late, alone in a dark office surrounded by empty dark desks.... Suddenly a disembodied voice came from behind him. "I can see you! I love you!". Apparently it scared the living daylights out of him.
It was always called Devil Dog after that.

Vetch fire engine -

'Let's fight the fire
Save people with a ladder
Quick, quick, quick
On the way to fight the big FIREEEE'

Hate it.

Troll dolls!

When I was younger my mum's newish boyfriend asked her what I liked (he wanted inspiration for a birthday present)

My mum says dolls. That's it, no guidance no elaboration just dolls.

On my birthday he greeted me with a big arse troll doll with greenish blue hair, troll doll pencil toppers and a few other troll doll bits. The thought was really sweet because he would have spent quite a bit but Jesus Chris I was petrified!

My brother had one of these. Absolutely terrified me and gave me real nightmares.

For my own DS it was Chuck the bloody talking truck.

And the bloody thing never ran out of batteries

I know!!!! How?!

not mine, but dd had a picnic basket that sang some very random songs. we tidied it away into a box, and on the way to bed heard
Red
Orange
Yellow
Green
Blue
Purple
ITS A RAINBOW
the song progressively got louder at each new colour until it was at top volume screaming the last line. it ended up at the charity shop.

A pair of funny glasses, which gave the wearer scary eyes which moved, winked, or opened wide.

A witch, with an evil face which glowed in the dark: this feature was only discovered accidentally.

Simon (see picture). It flashes its lights in a sequence, and you have to press the lights in the same order. It makes a rude noise if you get it wrong!

@SinkGirl I remember the stern Speak and Spell: I had a French one as well. I've heard some modern children have been traumatised by the sarcastic Bop-It. "That was fantastic!.... Not."

Whoopee cushions.

I still can't bear crackers, balloons, caps, party poppers, and anything that bangs: I'm glad that caps are not popular like they were in the 1980s.

My brother and I had a catalogue of practical joke items, some of which were quite scary: there was a "trick dagger", with a retractable blade, which looked very realistic. A boy in my class brought one to school, in 1987. (Unthinkable now!) One thing which we never bought was "electric shock playing cards": I simply couldn't believe that such a thing would be allowed!

@CaptainButtock I would the golly. I threw away my dr dolittle books as they used the N word in them. Felt very strange binning them.

Sorry I would chuck out the Golly

Triangle, circle, square, see some shapes right there!

Fisher Price pup...

Clown jack in the box. I'm terrified of clowns anyway. Which bright spark thought one hurtling itself at me with its evil maniacal grin would be fun?

I’m very very old, so mine was a troll too, in the 60s. I hated the damn thing and would bury him in the bottom of the toy box. ONLY FOR IT TO APPEAR SOMEWHERE ELSE. Luckily my niece loved it and she still has it 50 years later.
We bought my daughter a battery operated oinking pig, which she loved when she saw it in the shop, but screamed blue murder on Christmas morning.

Oh and a tape (reel to reel) of the three bears. Nightmares from age 2.

Looks like A LOT of us had evil jack in the box torturer parents!

@makingmammaries - I had two ‘here comes my body!’ dolls too (one blonde, one brunette) but I adored them and played with them so much, I broke the string 🙄 I was clearly a very strange child.

On the strength of it, my grandma bought me this monstrosity. Another huge head but with the ability to change the eye colour. It petrified me. Strangely enough, it didn’t seem to catch on. Wish I’d kept her as they seem to be worth a fortune now.

Blythe Doll.

Not a toy but a cartoon picture book "When the wind blows" all about life (and eventual death) after a nuclear bomb.

Our library put it in the children's section, with the other picture books, Asterix and Tintin stories.....

For all the jack-in-the-box haters...

Does anyone remember that scene in the film of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, where the class is fighting a boggart which takes the form of something scary, and the class has to try and make it look funny? One of the pupils transforms a huge snake into an enormous demon clown in a jack-in-the-box. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire!

Tamagotchis - not a toy I had as a child, but my children having them was a rather traumatic experience.

My dd2 was given a 'family tamagotchi' by MIL. Sounded great, until we found it you couldn't pause it, and if you left it without feeding it for 2 more hours, then the whole family died.

It was just about ok during the summer holidays, but then when dd went back to school (where tamagotchis were banned) she was distraught at the thought of it dying, so I ended up having to take it to work with me every day and feed it between patients...

I recently found a book of illustrated bible stories and prayers that fascinated me as a child, but it was gruesome, I've kept it well away from my kids. The head on a plate and jesus nailed to the cross complete with dripping blood from all the wounds are particular highlights

From my children's toys there was one green and white car that turned into a dinosaur, when we put the battery in it came out with a really sinister aggressive sound ing voice that freaked us out. My dc never knew it did sound effects and talking

Ds now 13 had stupid little things called zhu zhu hamsters.
Dont if anyone knows what I mean but they were the most annoying creepy wee things. Always randomly squeaking long after they'd been last been played with.
They were fine apparently but he was bloody terrified of operation, so much so we hide it in the bloody loft!

Shangrilalala - looks like the type of doll that would come back to get you if you sold it though. So a lucky escape then?

I’m my last job the owner thought he was a bit of an art collector. I had 2 bloody awful paintings by my desk - one was mournful looming boggle eyed kids (like the doll - didn’t Nicole Kidman play the famous artist who painted these monstrosities in a film?) and the other was a wee starving Victorian waif tainted in the ‘high melodrama’ school of art. I loathed my desk.

Ha ha, Tamagotchis! I remember reading about a 9-year-old who ran a little business babysitting them, and charged for his services!

I unwittingly upset my sister-in-law by giving my nieces the game "Don't step in it", where everyone takes turns to walk from one end of a path to the other, barefoot and blindfolded, hoping not to step in strategically placed poo-shaped pieces of play dough. She can't bear to watch this game being played, never mind join in!