To want a fourth child

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I have just had a baby a week ago!

Just not sure I’m ready to say never again .

OH definately doesn’t want a fourth .

AIBU to think I could talk him round and go for it !

Have you ever done the same and had more babies than your OH wanted initially ?

Or is this a passing phase .

I do have everything I wanted from the babies I have had eg both sexes etc .

Initially only wanted at least two maybe three .

I think most people think 2 is an OK number per couple because you are just replacing yourself when you die, no net gain.

“ Streetwise so why 2 instead of 1? Or none. Why do people want kids in the first place?”

How about you address my questions, and then I’ll address yours?

Also, I always wonder whether people who have 4/5 where the eldest is only 9 or 10 have any idea of the needs and demands of older kids

I agree, which is why I always respond with the downsides of parenting a teenager. I simply could not bear the stress of GCSEs, A levels, UCAS etc x 4+ times.

Why does anyone need 4 kids? I have 2 and I will never understand what makes people want to have more and more children. What is it people are trying to achieve?

World domination

I think it's quite common soon after birth to want another one, regardless on number.

Sit it out and the feeling goes in most cases.

A fourth would be bad for the environment; bad for your ability to drive a sensible car; bad for the amount of attention you'll be able to pay each child; bad for the level of financial provision/support you'll be able to offer each; bad for your ability to devote time to anything other than parenting [including work etc]; etc etc.

Just set that new baby aside OP, she can look after herself.
she's a few days old after all. she'll be apples - lol.
you just concentrate on getting knocked up with the next one.
only joking. your hormones are talking, that's all.

children where there are 3 other siblings in the family usually have to shout very loud to get heard.
I agree with above that the loudest, fussiest kid in the brood gets the cheese, the rest get less.
4 is too many.

@AlrightyyThen a good friend of mine has 3 children, by 3 different fathers, and is once again raising them alone. She is massively judged by people who don't know all of the facts, and she is stubborn enough not to enlighten them, because she doesn't feel as though she needs to. If you want to have another child, why would you let the stigma of 3 different fathers put you off?
Honestly i think i'd want them whether alone or not and get judged quite a bit already. Strangers assume they have the same dad until i give their surnames (another thing i wish is that we all had the same surname) so i'd like to think i won't let the stigma deter me. Hopefully that's the case. I'd actually love to adopt but due to having diagnosed mental health i've got zero chance which is such a shame because i would be happy to adopt siblings and of any age

@ichifanny Couldn't agree more, people will say anything hiding behind a screen

I can’t believe how many people on here have convinced their OH to have more / delay snip etc even though they were FULLY AWARE they didn’t want....

Christ- turn that around in another situation- and make the person a man who ‘convinces’ / coerces/ tricks said person into ...xxxx... act it’ll go down as emotional abuse and the post erupts of LTB.

but convince / coerce / trick a bloke into more kids when not keen or desired .. that seems to be perfectly ok!

The double standards are staggering.

It's the euphoria from having a new baby. I remember after my 2nd and 3rd babies, i felt exactly the same. Like I could do this again and again.

This feeling is likely to be entirely hormone driven!!

Congrats on your new baby :)

but convince / coerce / trick a bloke into more kids when not keen or desired .. that seems to be perfectly ok!

That is not ok. It is despicable.

@StreetwiseHercules the one about why people have 4 kids? I don't know, I have 3 and I'm at my limit! But surely it's not beyond the realms of imagination to see that some people are fonder of small kids and their attendant chaos than others, and are more equipped to deal with it. I had 3 rather than 2 or 1 because I love seeing the relationship develop between three possible sibling pairings rather than one or none - and I am admittedly lucky that mine get on like a house on fire. As an only child myself I didn't want a small tidy family, I like a bit of chaos. And also, they entertain themselves a lot, as there's always someone to play with - that's pretty useful. Horses for courses, I don't have to want to 4 kids myself to imagine that others might think differently to me.

As for the environment, kids is certainly one part of the equation, but there are others. We cycle everywhere and have taken only one short-haul flight in eleven years.

Why does anyone have 4? I have 4, all pretty close together (in 5.5 years). I never set out with four in mind, I didn’t know until I had each one. I felt strong, capable and confident in my abilities as a mother (and almost 20 years on I still do, even more so as a single parent). If I was younger I would have probably had 5 or 6. Now mine are young adults, I think a lot about putting that strong maternal instinct to fostering.

My 4 are aware of climate change and impacting the environment in a way we never were. Sure we knew about the ozone layer and we stopped using aerosol cans, but now it’s desperate we all try to do better.

I don’t think that larger than average families need to justify themselves to people with smaller families about their carbon footprint or how they do their bit for the environment.

If things were that dire we would have a one child policy like some other nations who have tried to curb population growth .

But in my opinion it is neither an effective argument nor a morally ethical imposition to suggest that people should have a limit on how many children they have due to climate change .

It’s not the children who are due to be born who have caused the problem with the environment , it is the people who already exist , or have existed that are currently causing the issue.

The children due to be born will simply live with the consequences of what previous generations have done

I have four and although I love them all dearly if I had my time again I would not have four ! It is exhausting and ridiculously expensive especially when they hit the teenage years, although we do have four close together. It's hard to visit relatives ( no-one is willing to put you all up), foreign holidays are extortionate, everything is stressful when they are little. None of mine are particularly close to each other except for the eldest two where there is only 18 months apart.

'It’s not the children who are due to be born who have caused the problem with the environment , it is the people who already exist , or have existed that are currently causing the issue'

But that baby will soon become one of those people 'who already exist'.

I don’t know anyone in RL who gives ‘the planet’ a second thought when deciding on how many children they have.
Can you not see this is the fucking problem?!? People breeding and breeding with no consideration for the long term consequences!!!!

But in my opinion it is neither an effective argument nor a morally ethical imposition to suggest that people should have a limit on how many children they have due to climate change
Can you please explain why you feel it’s immoral to ask people to reduce the amount of children they have to help ensure the continuation of the planet?

After I gave birth to my twin daughters I was so broody for another like you. A good friend told me to wait until they were 2 to make the decision. Glad I listened to her, the twins are now 5 years old and IF I was to ever have another it will be when they are old enough to help me! 😁

Thatsnotmymeerkat in that case no kids at all is the only ethical choice. If there are too many people on the planet, why should anyone even seek to 'replace themselves' by having two? But i'm guessing you think 2 kids is ok...and driving a car and flying away on holiday with your 2 kids, a-ok as well... Like i said earlier in the thread, it's always other peoples choices that are the problem when this kind of question comes up. Population growth is less significant than our absurdly wasteful use of resources for those here already.

Just for us it’s deeds not words. I couldn’t justify to myself having more than 2. I know others do (we only wear hemp live in a hedge and camp for our holidays) but personally feel that is bollocks. If others feel differently that’s fine but not shifting my view sorry not sorry.

@unusualsuspicion
Excellent work on the sweeping statements about my life that you know all about essentially accusing me of hypocrisy...oh wait, you actually know nothing about my life. Pretty much everything you have said is incorrect. And the two basis of your argument - ‘everyone else is doing it so why can’t I’ and ‘if you live in the absolute extreme of the argument there’s no point’ are absurd. As I said earlier, anyone refusing to acknowledge the exponential growth of each child and therefore the impact of having one less, is being deliberately obtuse to justify their own decisions.
FWIW, I have stopped at one child. Haven’t flown in several years. Am the opposite end of ‘absurdly wasteful’.

*unless you live in the extreme of the argument there’s no point

We get train now not fly glass reusable milk bottle refillables shampoo and laundry stuff seasonal veg blah blah. May be pointless drop in the ocean but personally have an overactive conscience. We not perfect but are trying

Less meat. Only at weekends usually but not always