To want a fourth child

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I have just had a baby a week ago!

Just not sure I’m ready to say never again .

OH definately doesn’t want a fourth .

AIBU to think I could talk him round and go for it !

Have you ever done the same and had more babies than your OH wanted initially ?

Or is this a passing phase .

I do have everything I wanted from the babies I have had eg both sexes etc .

Initially only wanted at least two maybe three .

OP, straight after I give birth I become broody. Massively so. Make sure you don’t get pregnant straight away, which will give you a chance to work out if you AND dh actually want another.

See how you and DH find parenting and paying for 3DC first!

I would find it hard to be able to WoH with 4 or even 3 DC and wouldn’t want to be financially dependent on DH/risk losing earning ability.

Do you have your pension sorted? If not, working out how to make provisions should be a high priority IMO.

I had the same strong urge for more DC after births.

Let your hormones settle.

Climate change is the last thing you should consider when CHOSING to have another child.
However raising your children to be aware and do all they can for the environment is very important.
I think the balance of women who have 1 or no children will offset those who have 3 or 4.
(I'm not talking about large families who have 5+ children here!)

Three, IME, works really well. Get into the swing of it, and then decide. Everyone has someone. I found myself with down time during the day as they youngest napped and the older two played.

Four (again IME) tips the balance. You don’t fit into a standard car, people don’t want to help as much (grandparents find it all overwhelming). we don’t all ‘fit’. I’m a single parent now, half way through GCSEs, doing Uni open days and UCAS applications, football matches and dance competitions, usually have extra kids around in the form of friends and girlfriends.

I love having this large family, the extra people tramping through the house, the constant driving to and from (gets later and later, and further away, as they get older). I’m about to hit 50 and I’m knackered.

I've got 4 and number 4 was a shock using contrecption I definitely wouldn't have done it otherwise I looked at things like

Affordability lifestyle how will it affect the future holidays etc my age and when I actually want my life back and not to mention there close enough in age to kill my sanity

Firstly you need to shelve the idea for a while. A week pp is a silly time to try to discuss that with your dh!
As for time and attention for each child.. my kids get more of my time individually than I did as an only child who spent most of my childhood shipped off to childcare from being 9 months old so I'd take that comment with a pinch of salt (add it to the chip on their shoulder).
Leave it for a while yet and come back to it but ultimately the one who doesn't want more kids 'wins'.

I'm one of six who were only ever meant to be 4.

I do not buy the claims by parents of large families that every one gets plenty of individual attention and their needs met. My parents were loving, kind people, but they had nothing left to give me. They didn't know me really, and had no place in my emotional life. They still don't. The impact lingers to this day; I struggle to rely on people even in just the normal way you do within a married couple because I'm used to having to fend for myself emotionally. Time does not expand; you cannot give four children what you would have given two or one.

On another note, by dint of being very savvy savers and investors my parents were able to start all of their children off in life financially, which longer-term has made a huge difference to my financial stability. I would not have more children than I would do that for. And yes, believe it or not, I thought about my environmental impact when deciding not to have more than two.

Your children are in no position to tell you that being one of a large family affects them until they're adults, because as children they will know no different and lack the perspective and experience to understand. I only realised what I didn't have, developmentally, when I became an adult and saw what it looked like for people who did have it.

I have 4 op. Aged from 3 to 13. All was good. Totally loved it but now I am 40 and can't breathe. There is so much I still want to do with my life. But now there is not much time for me and no space (small house). 4 kids compleatly drains you. It really is all consuming. I say this after 13 years of pretty much doing everything myself (DH works very long hours) and no family within a 200 mile radius. So just think about that. Think about your life too and if your happy to give up more of your time and energy to have another dc.

More babies doesn’t equal better ‘mumming’ or a stronger family, unlike investments when it comes to procreation growth doesn’t mean success. After all when it comes down to it banging out babies is the easy bit, supporting children and adults is a long term realness that remains many years after the baby bit. Do one really well, or two or three but a fourth? With the climate what it is? When your partner isn’t keen? Cop on! Enjoy your new baby

Think about your life too and if your happy to give up more of your time and energy to have another dc.

You have absolutely hit the nail on the head here. This is the reason why I would never have wanted more than two children. Due to infertility issues I only managed one, but I didn't want to be a slave to my children.

I had a brief postpartum phase after no.3 of thinking that having a 4th would be good. Luckily I came to my senses soon enough. Now (youngest is 6) I am absolutely, definitely done. I know that 4 would break us and truthfully can't imagine anything worse! Luckily dh has has the snip. Postpartum hormones are powerful things, so I'd say wait and see how you feel in a few years!

I have 4 children but we both agreed to have 4...I wouldn’t have if we hadn’t agreed on it. 3 was a bad number for both of us as we’re both from families of 3 kids and it wasn’t ideal and we felt 2 or 4 was preferable for us...

The planet can no longer cope with families who choose to have more than two children - and no, I'm not a sandal wearing tree hugger, far from it.

It’s not fair to try and persuade someone who definitely doesn’t want a child that they should have one.

This.

All this banging on about carbon footprint, finances, possible divorce or children with additional needs, the difficulty dividing your time and attention between four etc etc. is completely beside the point. All these things should be considered when planning the size of your family, of course. But they are irrelevant in this case because OP's DH has been very clear that he "definitely" doesn't want another child!

I have four
Two are now young adults
It's expensive, tiring and relentless when they are little and DH and I both now work full time (see the expensive bit)
I have no regrets and they are a tight unit
But think carefully it nearly broke us as a couple when they were younger and for me retaining anything like a career was almost impossible
I wouldn't be without them but go into it with your eyes open
And a week post partum isn't a time you'll have your eyes open

Also, I always wonder whether people who have 4/5 where the eldest is only 9 or 10 have any idea of the needs and demands of older kids. Younger ones mostly need physical and play input which is relatively easy to manage if you are organised. Older kids need shedloads more emotional support and oversight that can't be scheduled and managed so easily. I don't know how you do that if you are also dealing with 3 or 4 younger ones. I suspect, often, that it's impossible, and the older ones have to manage on their own.

Had 4, he wanted 2. It was hard. Love them all but was too many for our situation

It’s hormones OP, I felt this way after my first two children as well and I actually did end up pregnant after six months. I just felt this crazy urge to have another, I think it’s hormones. Just wait for everything to settle down then see how you feel. I have four DC, it’s great. Only thing is needing a seven seater but we have a nice one, they don’t all look horrible.

If you can afford it go for it but if your DH doesn't want, you'll have ti just stop at three.

Why does anyone need 4 kids? I have 2 and I will never understand what makes people want to have more and more children.

What is it people are trying to achieve?

“This is what happened in my house. I was desperate for a third but OH was done. Still resent him now”

Yeah, he should have agreed to father more children just to please you. Is resentment your go-to every time you don’t get exactly what you want?

“I really wanted 3 kids but only ended up having 2, boo hoo, poor me, isn’t my OH awful”

Ridiculous.

Hit the nail on the head there @StreetwiseHercules

Streetwise so why 2 instead of 1? Or none. Why do people want kids in the first place? Funny how the number of kids you happen to have is also the perfect number, that nobody can possibly have any good reasons for exceeding - very convenient!