To want a fourth child

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I have just had a baby a week ago!

Just not sure I’m ready to say never again .

OH definately doesn’t want a fourth .

AIBU to think I could talk him round and go for it !

Have you ever done the same and had more babies than your OH wanted initially ?

Or is this a passing phase .

I do have everything I wanted from the babies I have had eg both sexes etc .

Initially only wanted at least two maybe three .

"This is what happened in my house. I was desperate for a third but OH was done. Still resent him now"

How very sad.

*of course there is no knowing for sure.

We can only do the best we can with the choices that we make.

Hand on heart, I have done that. I genuinely hope that my children will do the same.*

We, as a society, cannot keep hoping things will be okay following results of choices made. 4 children, maybe having 4 more offspring. They may not have your faux guilt.

Gosh, that ‘it’s ok no matter how many kids I have because we recycle and don’t fly’ is tired.

Doing all those things still doesn’t reduce contributions a much as having one less child would have - and when those four people continue to have more people, it’s exponential growth. It really doesn’t take a mathematical or scientific genius to figure that out and anyone who thinks it can be simply brushed off with a ‘but my children will fund via taxes and we recycle argument’ is being deliberately obtuse and ignorant.

This, 100%.

We planned 2 but I wasn’t done DH agreed to third & she completes our family

if he hadn’t had the snip I’d have had a forth too but he knows me too well

Definitely NOT a decision to make a week PP though (& in my experience men are particularly against more kids when there is a new baby so not a good time to make the argument either!)

See how you feel in a year too soon after the birth to make a decision like that I'm pregnant with no 3 the plan was 4 but it's not been an easy pregnancy this time and has put me off going through it again .but yanbu if you decide you want 4 I would just hate to feel the need to talk my partner round though

I'm the middle of three and always felt it was shit , envied my friends who were in a two sibling family .

I personally wouldn't have 3 DC .
I don't think I could've fitted 4 into my childbearing years (had mine at 33 and 36)

There wasn't the same issue with planet awareness and overcrowding.

Do as you like but don't attempt to bully or trick your DH into a child he doesn't want .

Firstly congratulations!

Secondly slow down, your hormones will be all over this early.

Thirdly I want a third and dh doesn't... this will very likely depend on my health and money tho tbh.

And my dh only ever wanted 1, I was not happy with an only child, it made bonding difficult for him with our 2nd as I think he may have felt a bit railroaded into it (we did discuss and decide together years ago before we even got married tho).
He adores our baby now though and they are adorable together!
Maybe it would be easier going from 3 to 4 though? 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP you'll be told no by most people on here because everyone's an eco warrior when it comes to having x number children apparently

You say that like it's a bad thing

Not my own experience but both of my good friends who came from families of 4 often say they didn't enjoy their childhoods (different birth orders so not that both were the eldest for example, they are also quite different personalities as adults too).

It wasn't so much the lack of material things, it was lack of individual time and attention. Both felt their parents didn't "know" them at a close level and both have strained, distant relationships with their parents and some of their siblings now. Whichever child made the most fuss at the time got the most attention, basically. It must be a real juggling act to make sure everybody's needs are met in a larger family, I know I would struggle personally with that.

Enjoy your new baby OP and give it a while to see how you feel!

I have 3 siblings and I had a fantastic childhood. I was and am still very close with my parents and all 3 sibilngs!

OP you'll be told no by most people on here because everyone's an eco warrior when it comes to having x number children apparently

You say that like it's a bad thing

Well said.

You had a baby a week ago. A week ago!
A third baby.

Maybe figure out where that third baby fits in to your family dynamic as a human being with a personality before coming off birth control again.

Yes we wanted 2 ended up with 4 😀 I wouldn’t change it now but damn it’s hard sometimes . But if you know what you are getting yourself into and enjoy parenting intensively then go for it . Our house is noisy and full of people and happy for the most .

And I definitely know all my children well and they all get attention .

They may not have your faux guilt
Excuse me????

Fuck the planet

Your need to breed trumps that - go ahead

At what point does it become too many though? The Radfords I fully understand being a huge issue - but how many is too many?

Excuse me????

It’s not for me to excuse. Your choices have an impact. If you were concerned “properly” you wouldn’t have had 4 children. As I said... faux concern for the environment. Or - shutting the stable door once the horse has bolted? Too late now, the rest of us has to worry.

And I definitely know all my children well and they all get attention .

You might want to check with your children when they are older what they think about this.

You must of had a good birth to be thinking about it so soon DC3 2 months old and DH brought up the idea of a 4th someday and I was part horrified and part pleased.

"AIBU to think I could talk him round"

Well how would you feel, if a week after you had given birth and were "sure" you didn't want to have another, your partner was looking for ways to talk you round and change your mind? Would you think he was being reasonable to do so?

Also could you afford to have 4 children? If your partner was adament he didn't want another and left you with 4 children, could you cope mentally, physically and financially?
If you could, and still feel the same way in weeks, months, or years to come, then have another talk with your partner, you'd need a 7 seater car at least too, specially one with multiple isofix points too.

Also, the person who said they couldn't have an odd number of children, so had a fourth after baby 3, if you had fallen pregnant with twins, where would it end?

Well, I persuaded my DH to delay the snip for a year and ‘see what happens’.

We had twins.

It’s all good now (they’re just about to turn 7) but, honestly, it nearly broke us.
I also think it fell particularly hard on the middle ones, who were small enough to still need a bit more mum & dad time.
Trying to make up for it now the eldest are at uni.
So, enjoy your gorgeous new little one but be careful what you wish for .

My kids are fine blueshoes , happy and well adjusted . judgemental much . I work too so you can judge me even more .

@AlrightyyThen a good friend of mine has 3 children, by 3 different fathers, and is once again raising them alone. She is massively judged by people who don't know all of the facts, and she is stubborn enough not to enlighten them, because she doesn't feel as though she needs to. If you want to have another child, why would you let the stigma of 3 different fathers put you off?