It is a feminist issue in the sense that it is so often women/mothers who shoulder the bulk of care, unpaid emotional labour and admin work to advocate for their child. However, most posts have said one of you could consider giving up work, not that as a woman it absolutely must be you.
I know this isn't helpful but this is what voting for an individualistic, selfish government achieves. A party who disagrees with state intervention and who cuts SEND provision to the bone will never support the level of care your child needs. So telling people they should be angry is all well and good but people ARE, people said things like this would happen and get worse and we're told to stop scaremongering. People heard about the effects another tory government could bring about and STILL voted for them.
You shouldn't be in this position, your child is absolutely entitled to, and deserving of an education and friends and you and your partner deserve to be people in your own rights. Rather than say how important your job is and how grateful society should be for it, just be honest and say you need it for your mental health and well being as staying home or trying to home ed is bloody hard and you don't want to do it.
The thing is that it seems like you have been offered alternate provision but have rejected it - that's your right of course, but the state has fulfilled its obligation to educate your child. By all means keep fighting for the level of education he deserves but he does also need something now. You haven't answered what you plan to do TOMORROW?
I think I'm confused as you talk about his previous school as being brilliant but he isn't there anymore? Also you say the new offers don't include viable wraparound care but don't elaborate on what kind of wraparound support you had up until now? I only keep asking because perhaps there's a solution there if you use a childminder or service you could tap into for support now?
I personally wouldn't want to send my child back to a school that has been very clear in its inability to keep my child safe and happy. I understand they have failed in their duty of care but I wouldn't want to send my son back to give them an opportunity to do it again. So I do think you need to consider what you'll do now. Appealing exclusions is a lengthy process anyway so he couldn't just go back tomorrow, with the best will in the world.
Everyone suggesting you or your partner stop work isn't doing so out of spite or because your child needs to be kept away from theirs by the way - in my experience they are offering advice based on very real lived experience of dealing with an SEN child/ren and knowing the realities of that. Life often throws curveballs - we all deserve better and sometimes the hands we are dealt seem hideously unfair but that's how it goes. In an ideal world, your child should be educated in a safe and positive environment, adequately cared for and supported alongside peers who are also provided with what they need to succeed. With schools struggling on a shoestring, TAs cut left right and centre, teachers not even being informed of the strategies suggested in ECHP plans etc and there being little to no SLT support, that becomes much harder