To ask what you are supposed to do

[drspouse]

DS has an EHCP.
It's not very good and we have a tribunal coming up.
He has some challenging behaviour. We admit this and we are doing our best.
He moved school in Sept after we looked at 8 new schools, including 4 special schools.
The new school has just permanently excluded him. They have not tried all the suggestions of EP, OT etc and we know this is illegal but it doesn't help with the fact that he now has no school.
They are suggesting he goes to the PRU. I'm sure it's very nice but he has only just started to settle at the new school.
He's 8, in year 3, and loves to play with his teddies. We were told some of the older children at the SEMH schools we looked at had pulled knives on teachers. If there's any child like that at the PRU it will break him.
We both work, I've just been told I can't reduce my hours any further and DH has just started a secondment which will be for a year. The PRU has no after school club. We both have meetings at any/every hour of the working day. Giving up either of our jobs is not an option.
So we can't HE (and we don't want to, and we shouldn't have to, and it would be awful for DS).
What are parents of a child with SEN actually supposed to do? Is the idea that we are both supposed to sit at home with our child and keep him away from other children/schools/the public? Are we not supposed to work? Is the country going to pay us our (fairly high, which is partly why we aren't giving up work) salary for not working?
Note before you suggest it: yes we know we can look at out of area schools. We did, they are included in the ones above. We live quite rurally. We can't move (I have tried to move jobs for years). But we need school for DS NOW. Not in 6 months time after we've moved/fought for a private school place (there are none suitable anyway)/I've lost my job.

[DobbinOnTheLA]

We have a similar situation where there are no suitable alternative provision schools at primary age. There's possibly one at secondary. We live semi-rurally and we are mid county but on the coast. So we don't border any other county and residential is not something we will consider for our 6 year old (he's not adopted).

If/when mainstream fails we'll be going for a bespoke EOTAS package but I know it will be an epic battle and I can be at home.

[Phineyj]

@Shockers is correct. I visited one in West Kent. It was down a lane miles from anywhere, run by a charitable trust and they were bringing LAC up by taxi from the Kent coast each day (90 min journey). £100k a year per child and looked worth every penny - if one can get it of course.

[DobbinOnTheLA]

But you also have LAs doing this:
schoolsweek.co.uk/council-knew-illegal-school-was-unregistered-before-sending-vulnerable-kids-there/

[drspouse]

What I said to you is that there will be private specialist schools which you haven’t been invited to look around because they are extremely expensive

Who wouldn't invite us to look round? You can just ring independent specialist schools and go and look round them. We have. It's got nothing at all to do with the LEA where we go and look. THEY ARE NOT SUITABLE. They can be as leafy and expensive as they like and still not be suitable.

[Shockers]

Ok

[midwest]

OP, do you have access to personal support for yourself? Trying to manage a frustrating system can impact your own levels of well being.
Having access to some counseling for yourself can be really beneficial.

[MotherOfDragonite]

Why aren't they suitable, OP?

It feels as if there's a sticking point somewhere (in your DC's behaviour, perhaps, or your understanding of his needs?) that isn't being named outright. I'm just not sure what it is but I feel as if it would be helpful for you to put it into words more.

What are the specifics that he does need in a school? Why are they so unrealistic even in private provision? (Would it be different in a different location? Can you point to something that's perfect, but in the wrong place?)

[MotherOfDragonite]

I agree with the PP about counselling. It must be so frustrating and you must feel so stuck. It would help if you had somewhere to offload! (I've been there -- not this specifically, but about a situation in my life that I couldn't change and had to live with. It helped).

[drspouse]

Can you point to something that's perfect, but in the wrong place?

Nope. Well, maybe there's a school that's perfect in a completely other part of the country, but see above.

He needs typical peers to learn from (the SALT we are seeing does interventions with typical peers to help children with social difficulties).

He needs a same age group (he's very immature for his age - most specialist SEMH schools - all the ones we looked at - are largely year 5-6 and above, and if they have any younger children they are very low ability), he's going to be learning through play including a lot of outdoor play for a long time to come. We chose his school because they said they could meet his needs, and have a lot of outdoor activities.

He needs those of roughly his own ability (see above).

In fact the children who will be in his class at the PRU match what he needs in terms of ability and in terms of "play", it's a proper primary school in that sense (I was at least reassured by this when we visited).

[drspouse]

(And it goes without saying that he needs someone who knows how to cope with his behavioural difficulties/refusals without escalating).

[Bigearringsbigsmile]

Hows it all gone this week OP?
I've been thinking about you and your son and hoping everything has been ok and not too traumatic.

[drspouse]

DS is really anxious about going to the new school.
We're looking at boring paperwork for his EHCP and his exclusion but at least we managed to dump DD at a manic birthday party and have a relaxing afternoon with DS.

[Bigearringsbigsmile]

Well that's a positive.
When does he start?
Has he had a chance to look around?

[drspouse]

Today, I could weep for him. He's not had to wear uniform since July (non uniform school) and he doesn't want to put it on. DH is battling with him right now.

[ClownsandCowboys]

Bloody uniform. Hope DH managed to get him dressed.

[drspouse]

We left him in their sensory room, having been given a 10 minute run down on everything they do that the specialist teacher told his school to do but they just ignored.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Fingers crossed for a good day.

[Equanimitas]

Some children wouldn't cope with school transport. I could fight for my child to receive transport to school as we had to move her due to her disability, but I know that travelling with me is her best option.

The right to provision for school transport includes paying mileage for parents to take children to school.

[Equanimitas]

Is his difficulty with uniform due to diagnosed sensory problems? If so, you can ask them to make reasonable adjustments in terms of their expectations.

Have you checked that the PRU can do everything required under section F of his EHCP?

[mrshoho]

Hope it goes well for him today. I agree the uniform policy should be relaxed for him and should be the least priority at this moment.

[drspouse]

Is his difficulty with uniform due to diagnosed sensory problems?

The preference for soft/stretchy fabric is but the preference for bright pink/guitar playing bear tshirt/odd yellow and orange socks is an expression of his personality. This morning they said "he'll want to fit in and wear the same as the others"... erm... unlikely!
One of the reasons we liked the school was an emphasis on children being different to each other... ha...
He's in a plain white t-shirt, plain grey joggers and a logo sweatshirt. They are fine with that but were originally suggesting they'd find him new uniform straight from the packet at school this morning.

[WingingItSince1973]

I've been thinking about you. Glad you have a placement for him. Regards the uniform, would they allow him to wear his favourite t shirt underneath the jumper? Would that help at all? How do you feel? Isnt it so so hard to have to fight all the time for our little ones. We hate Mondays as it's when our GS has to readjust after the weekend to school. We now take him in at 9 through the offices so he misses the chaos of morning arrivals. Seems to be helping so far. Well done xxx

[drspouse]

He's a jumper refuser, which is why the non-uniform school where he can wear a thick long sleeved tshirt has been ideal.

I'm in bits TBH, hopefully they can do a lot for him but then what happens if he's back to a school that CAN do exactly the same but WON'T which is what the current/previous school was doing.

Looking through the documents for the governor's meeting there is SO MUCH they should have done and were told to do but didn't, and still everyone is saying there is no chance the governors will agree with us.

[ClownsandCowboys]

Glad he got in. We had a tricky morning, mondays are always hard, and also the novelty ofbeing back to school is wearing off now.

My dd will only wear leggings, which school allow (in school colour). My NT ds is a jumper refuser. He has a set of beautifully unworn school jumpers that have never been worn.

[Equanimitas]

If the governors won't agree, you still have the possibility of a disability discrimination claim.