Sharing a hotel room with a stranger

[nomorespaghetti]

I've signed up to do some volunteering for a large national charity. I need to attend a training weekend for it about 2 hours away from where I live. It will involve one overnight stay. The charity will pay for train travel and overnight accommodation, but they've asked that volunteers share a twin bed room with another volunteer to keep costs down. It doesn't specify that it'd be a person of the same sex (but I'd hope so!)

The thought of sharing a hotel room with a stranger makes me feel super anxious. I wouldn't mind doing it if it was someone I knew, a work colleague for example. And I've stayed in hostels before (many years ago in my youth!)

I've no issue with telling them that I'm not comfortable doing it. But I want to know if others would be ok with it in this situation. Friends in real life also said they'd not like to.

YANBU = I wouldn't want to do that
YABU = I would be happy to share a room with a stranger

Nope. I would feel horribly uncomfortable and really not sleep very well.

I went on a training course for a new job which involved an overnight stay in a hotel. No mention was made of possibly having to share a room until check-in. Turned out the twin room was actually a double.

The company didn’t seem to think we’d be bothered!

I'm appalled the charity have asked you this, they're taking the piss. It's something I'd never do.

I think it depends a bit what the charity/training is actually-will you (and your potential room mate) be working with vulnerable people? Have you had to have a disclosure etc? If so, then i think it's a bit precious to say that you're happy for them to work with vulnerable people, but don't trust them enough to share your room.. but if you're not comfortable with it then offer to pay the difference. Of course if the work you're doing isn't sensitive then my opinion not relevant!

I agree that a dorm room would be better - after all, the whole set up would be more geared towards privacy in a group situation eg space to get dressed in the bathroom, individual lights in the beds and so on.

I wish they'd let me know this before they started the recruitment process.

I would write and tell them this. I’d probably pull out altogether though, if every time I went to volunteer, it would cost me £50 for my own room.

Offer to pay the difference if this bothers you

Just say no. They may well expect you to say no and be fine with it. If some say yes it saves them a few quid.

I wonder if their paid employees are expected to share rooms with strangers when they travel for work?

I couldn't and wouldn't do this. I would feel very uncomfortable. They should have told you beforehand. I would discuss with them and if there's no alternative I would try to contribute to their charity in other ways.

Yy Hermione.

It is totally taking the piss of unpaid employees.

I'd love to know the thought process from all the voters who had said they'd be ok with the idea.

• I'm getting free training
• presumably from a charity I support
• the charity is sensibly keeping costs down
• it's one night
• I'm not that bothered for one night
• it might even be fun...
• even though I'm an introvert, it's just one night and it might even be fun

I don't think mumsnet is a good representative of the general population. Most people I know would prefer their own room but would find this perfectly do-able.

I wouldn't do it (aghast at PP who had to do it on business trips!) and I've also been in the army.
Depending on cost (and how much I wanted to do the thing) I'd offer to pay the difference for a single room.

I want the freedom to come into my room after a day of work and take of my bra and fart and have a giant stinky poo and shower when I want and all the rest of it. You can't do that sharing with a complete stranger.

I've done this before on group holidays where they pair up single travellers to share rooms (same sex and similar age). It was fine.
I've done this too. The only problem I had was with a room-mate who snored but I managed to swap with someone else so the rest of the trip was fine.

Oh come on Display, this is not common practice at all. I can't imagine many people being OK for this. The fact the request is from a charity is irrelevant.

Thank you Display. I'm thinking why vote then not leave comments to back it up. Only 8% think it's a bad idea and they are the only ones that have commented!

I'd love to know the thought process from all the voters who had said they'd be ok with the idea.

I have slept in a bivouvac with a relative stranger in my army days! For me it's very normal. I like the fact that if I'm on a course and sharing you then have someone to help you find the course the next day, if there was preparation for it you can go through that together, you have someone to have dinner with... I've made friends from staying with people when I've been away.

I'm an ugly sleeper (mouth naturally falls open), with occasional night time asthma, sinus issues (which sometimes results in snoring) and frequently interrupted sleep. Plus I never sleep well in new locations.

No way would I do this!

Just no way. If it's a one off training day I'd rather pay for a single.

I also shared with a colleague on a British Council trip to India. We both had terrible food poisoning with sickness and diarrhoea - we were both past caring about keeping our dignity.

No, 8% think it's a good idea!

Nope.

Was nearly raped by a stranger in a situation like this .

Sorry

Why not offer to pay the extra so you have a room to yourself? You're volunteering, honestly it's ok to tell them No, that doesn't work for me, I will want to pay the extra to have my own room.

I work for a National charity and when we have to stay away overnight (rarely) we don’t expect colleagues to room share.

I can understand that people might feel uncomfortable with this. Sharing with one person does feel more ‘intimate’ than a dorm with lots of people. I’ve shared a twin room on a group holiday as a single person - it was absolutely fine and I actually enjoyed it, but I was a bit nervous beforehand.

Have you had your snoring checked out by the GP newlifenewme2020? DH's snoring got worse and worse to the point that he developed sleep apnoea. He now uses a CPAP machine.

Can't see the voting buttons but it's a big fat nope from me.

Also be aware that some charities consider themselves very progressive and inclusive on trans gender issues so you could end up sharing with somebody with a Male body that identifies as female.

Tell them you have a medical condition that it would mean disclosing to the person you’re sharing with, and you don’t want to do that (am thinking irritable bowel but actually anxiety would also fit, so it’s not unreasonable). They should completely understand and book you your own room. Tbh it’s not really a great policy - they are getting volunteers so need to respect them. Perhaps it’s an old policy and if you flag it, may be cancelled. We use to share at work, when it was a predominately female industry. A few men employed just said ‘no way’ and they cancelled policy for everyone. Annoyed it took men to do it, but hey-ho