Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sharing a hotel room with a stranger

332 replies

nomorespaghetti · 11/01/2020 08:40

I've signed up to do some volunteering for a large national charity. I need to attend a training weekend for it about 2 hours away from where I live. It will involve one overnight stay. The charity will pay for train travel and overnight accommodation, but they've asked that volunteers share a twin bed room with another volunteer to keep costs down. It doesn't specify that it'd be a person of the same sex (but I'd hope so!)

The thought of sharing a hotel room with a stranger makes me feel super anxious. I wouldn't mind doing it if it was someone I knew, a work colleague for example. And I've stayed in hostels before (many years ago in my youth!)

I've no issue with telling them that I'm not comfortable doing it. But I want to know if others would be ok with it in this situation. Friends in real life also said they'd not like to.

YANBU = I wouldn't want to do that
YABU = I would be happy to share a room with a stranger

OP posts:
ApacheEchidna · 15/01/2020 04:57

It's part of program delivery and should be showing up as direct expenditure on their "cause".

exactly so.

furthermore, it is foolish of any charity to directly pressure (or more subtly have a culture of discouragement about) volunteers not to claim their expenses, or to suggest as people have in this thread that the charity will limit their costs to £X (eg half a shared twin room) and volunteers should shoulder the upgrade cost if they need better.

all this does is railroad volunteers into effectively making an additional 'donation' to the charity from their own funds. this (a) uses up the good will of the volunteers in a way that is really poor value for the charity - making volunteers reach burnout sooner after less value delivered and (b) means that these effective monetary donations to the charity don't get the advantage of Gift Aid.

they would be better off by far encouraging volunteers to claim all expenses in full, and be entirely open to booking individual hotel rooms etc, and invite volunteers to make any related donations explicitly and with a valid Gift Aid declaration.

eg a policy statement could read:
Expenses
Please do claim the full value of the expenses that you incur as part of your volunteering. It is important for our accounting to know the full cost of delivering the services that you are helping us to deliver. If you might otherwise consider not claiming your expenses as a way of giving a little extra financial support to the charity, please instead do make your claim, and make a separate donation with Gift Aid of the amount you would like to cover. Thank you very much.

similarly with the OP's situation they could have set it out like this:

Accommodation
we will of course cover the cost of your overnight stay as an intrinsic part of the cost of delivering the important activities you are training for. Our cost will be £55 per person for those willing to share a twin room with another volunteer or £95 per person for those taking a solo bedroom. Please indicate which you would prefer. If you would be in a position to pay for the upgrade between sharing and solo room options, this is more effective and supportive if you make the contribution via a separate donation to the charity - which can then include Gift Aid - rather than by shouldering any of these costs directly. We entirely trust your judgement in this matter and you are not obliged to make any particular choice.

wording the policies like this transform the attitude of the volunteers from slightly resentful discomfort to open hearted good will and benevolence. the good will of their volunteers is a massively valuable resource for a charity. they need to nurture and conserve it, not waste it for the sake of saving £20 here or there.

Linning · 15/01/2020 05:16

I paid for a mandatory training course that gave me the choice between sharing a room with a stranger or sharing a BED with a stranger (same-sex) the thought horrified me so I paid extra and ended up sharing a room (with my own bed) with two strangers who shared a bed.

It was surprisingly not as awkward as I had imagined and in fact we all got along very well, but it was pure luck and the two girls sharing the bed were proper stars, I would have felt extremely awkward in their place.

So I say YANBU if that crosses your boundaries.

BlouseAndSkirt · 15/01/2020 07:31

It's part of program delivery and should be showing up as direct expenditure on their "cause"

Yes, True.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 15/01/2020 07:39

I went on a teacher training course years ago which had this set up.

Beds were twin small singles, very close together in small room. Middle of the night, asleep, I fell out of bed landed in the gap between. Still mostly asleep, I stumbled back.....tried to get into the other bed which had the other person in it! So YANBU.

BoomBoomsCousin · 15/01/2020 22:18

ApacheEchidna I really like that approach - I hope more charities can be persuaded to take it.

Devora13 · 18/01/2020 16:45

I clicked YABU by mistake! I think it's laudable the charity trying to keep costs down but it's a very personal thing. If you don't feel comfortable, you don't.

Miriel · 18/01/2020 19:05

YANBU. I've shared with colleagues I knew well before, by choice, and even that was a bit awkward. It's definitely not something they should expect you to do with strangers.

When I was much younger, I took a volunteer trip which involved what I thought was staying in single-sex dorms. They turned out to be completely mixed sex, and some of the other volunteers got a bit drunk and rowdy. I was so uncomfortable that I ended up sleeping fully clothed. When I complained about the accommodation setup it the next day, it somehow got back to the others. Cue the other young women telling me that they had no issue sharing with men and they didn't know what my problem was.Thankfully I was assertive enough to get myself moved to a different placement where I was just sharing with two other women.

Now I'm older, I just want my own space. Nothing wrong with that.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page