Sharing a hotel room with a stranger

[nomorespaghetti]

I've signed up to do some volunteering for a large national charity. I need to attend a training weekend for it about 2 hours away from where I live. It will involve one overnight stay. The charity will pay for train travel and overnight accommodation, but they've asked that volunteers share a twin bed room with another volunteer to keep costs down. It doesn't specify that it'd be a person of the same sex (but I'd hope so!)

The thought of sharing a hotel room with a stranger makes me feel super anxious. I wouldn't mind doing it if it was someone I knew, a work colleague for example. And I've stayed in hostels before (many years ago in my youth!)

I've no issue with telling them that I'm not comfortable doing it. But I want to know if others would be ok with it in this situation. Friends in real life also said they'd not like to.

YANBU = I wouldn't want to do that
YABU = I would be happy to share a room with a stranger

I wouldn't think twice about sharing with another woman.

But if you don't want to and are happy to pay the 'single supplement' then go for it, that's totally fine too.

@Lionsleepstonight I voted that I'd be ok with the idea. Obviously I'd prefer my own room but sharing wouldn't really bother me too much. I'm not sure if this is due to the fact that I've done quite a few solo backpacking trips, some for months at a time, once I backpacked for a year and a half. During these trips, I'd sometimes join tour groups and as a solo traveller, they often pair you up in a twin room with a fellow solo traveller. I've also shared dorm rooms while travelling, which fair enough is different to a one on one twin share, but still sharing with others. I think I've just been so used to sharing rooms with other people and 99% of the time having positive experiences that it doesn't faze me. I get that everyone is different though and that it would bother some people.

Oh, OP, you were asked for help by the charity? nope nope nope to sharing. (well I'd always say no and not offer to pay especially where I'm not being paid). They want you. Sharing is an imposition on the time you are not actually volunteering.

PP mentioned the Chanel counter workers having to share - I'd also reject that. Also to the volunteers told on the bus to an event - I'd have asked them to turn round and drop me right back at home.

And I was at boarding school (some dorms of 22 girls) and in the army (slept in the back of a landrover with 2 men on exercise in the middle of winter more than once) but this is civilian life. volunteer civilian life. A definite nope from me.

Bloody hell OP you'll get some predators who sign up because they KNOW they'll get to do this!! Talk about a safety risk.

I wouldn't like it. Dh does it all the time for work and he says it's fine.

Many years ago, I worked for a company that required us to share a room with another employee on large group trips abroad. The first time, I picked a colleague from my office. We didn't really know each other, but at least we'd met. We shared for 3 weeks. It wasn't perfect, but we managed it ok. Was I comfortable? No.

The second time was trickier, as I was the only female from my office who went. Although they said we would be sharing with a person of the same sex, unfortunately, the person they picked was from our Chinese office who turned out to be a man! Fortunately, good sense prevailed, and he got re-allocated. Weeks 2 and 3, I shared with a very nice lady from Japan. Was I comfortable though? No.

For one night as a one-off, I'd probably do it. But for regular occasions as a volunteer, no, I wouldn't. Even sharing with random strange women would make me pretty uncomfortable. If there was any chance they might ask me to share with a strange man, definitely not. One other thing to bear in mind these days is that a 'woman' might also now be a transwoman who is still physically a man.

Personally, I'd be rethinking wanting to volunteer. Even dorm sleeping would be preferable to a private room shared with a stranger.

I disagree that the OP should fund the difference. She's giving up a lot of time to work for that charity, time that other people would be paid for. Now people expect her to pay for own single room, too?

I would be very uncomfortable with this. I would even drop out if it were forced on me.

I'd probably consider paying for my own room, but there have been times in my life when I would have struggled to afford it so I know it isn't always an option.

DD works for a company that expect colleagues to share rooms on trips abroad. They were very grumpy with her when she said she wouldn't share due to suffering IBS. It was a colleague she'd never met before and didn't speak the same language even!

I wouldn’t mind another person (male or female) sharing with me, but as I’ve got older I’ve started snoring (& probably farting) so I’m very self conscious of my sleep habits annoying other people and as I don’t sleep well anyway, just generally being really annoying. As for a firm room that just multiplied the number of people I can annoy- no thanks! ! So these days I opt to pay more to have my own room & spare others the trauma of sharing with me! However sometimes they’d rather share to save money or because they’re too scared on their own. - then I figure that’s their choice, they know what I’m like!

In your situation though - they asked you to be a volunteer and they need you to have the training and they gave ASKED if you’re prepared to share a room, so I think it’s quite reasonable to say ‘No, I am not comfortable sharing a room, sorry’

If it’s a small company that genuinely does try to keep costs low (including salaries etc) then I’d offer to pay the difference, but it’s not necessary if you can’t afford to. It’s really not.

I hope you enjoy the weekend & meet some nice people.

Well done for being prepared to volunteer for a charity which might be difficult for you, but make sure you look after your own mental & emotional health 🌷 I’m sorry you’re in a position where your past experience will help others cope 💕

Bloody hell OP you'll get some predators who sign up because they KNOW they'll get to do this!! Talk about a safety risk

You’re being utterly ridiculous

No one is going to sign up for a volunteer position in a charity like this on the off chance they’ll get sent away for one nights training and get put in a room share.

Give your head a wobble.

TBH This would be a dealbreaker for me really.I have only ever slept with friends or my own family (DH obviously ! DC and DGM when little and scared of the tree outside making noises!)We went on a Cruise ,and I shared with my friends Sister who I knew a little .No problems at all ,but with a total stranger no way !

YANBU.

I wouldn’t even share with someone I knew unless it was very close family or friends.

I’d also pay for my own room in these circumstances

A definite no from me. I’d offer to pay the difference (via a donation If that was the most efficient way) the charity may be getting a block booking discount. There may be some people who are happy to share a room or have existing volunteer friends but it’s totally ok NOT to be ok with it and it would be a real shame if you had to miss out because of it

YANBU I wouldn’t do it if I had to share a room.

@IncrediblySadToo I’m sorry I think you’re the one being naive if you don’t think predators would do exactly this.

I'd be against it because I am a very very restless sleeper, and I snore. I've shared with friends and they have told me they've never seen anyone fling themselves about in bed as much as me. So it would be very unfair on anyone I shared with - and I'd feel embarrassed knowing I'd stopped them sleeping.

I can see where they are coming from - if I was a decent sleeper - I'd have no problem - but the point is that you are uncomfortable and by the voting many others are too - so it isn;t a reasonable request from the charity - you need to think about all the future occasions when you will have over night stays and whether you can constantly afford to pay the excess for a single room. You are giving your time for free - you shouldn't have to be out of pocket in any way.

I couldn't do it, toilet usage would be a nightmare.

Absolutely not, for many reasons.

It would be interesting to see their official policy on this. Particularly whether above a certain level or pay grade, people are not asked to share. I bet the senior staff don't have to share. Neither should you.

This might be a good time to clarify exactly what they want from you, and reevaluate whether it suits.

I'm with @Streamside on this one.
It's not the sharing of the bedroom as much - though, I would hate that too, but sharing a bathroom which would be the dealbreaker for me.

I’ve had to do variations of this in the past.

Guiding - sharing tents but you have your own pod and you know the other leaders (and you go elsewhere to shower/toilet) so was not ideal but fine.

Outdoor training - met the four other women that morning and we shared a YHA dorm. Didn’t know them at all, didn’t like it but again at least toilet and shower were elsewhere.

Booze cruise type thing for someone’s 21st years ago. As I was single I got lumped in with the other single on the trip who was male. I went to bed before him and pretended to be asleep when he came in. Got up and showered before he got up and went and sat out on deck. Hated it.

I wouldn’t do it in this situation. I’d either:

a) tell them it’s a deal breaker (depends how much you really want to work for them)

b) offer to pay the different for a single room if the training is something that will look good on my CV/be useful for other things.

c) see if DH can cope without the car and ask them to pay the miles to go there and back instead of staying over.

If it’s a huge charity like Cancer Research UK or BHF they are loaded and can afford a single room for you. If it’s really small and personal to you I can see why it’s a difficult decision.

I'd offer to pay the difference.

And as PP have said, check whether they mean gender or sex. Nowadays there's sometimes quite a difference!

YANBU. I was happy enough to share rooms when I was younger to avoid single supplements, but went off the idea when the lady I shared with on a walking weekend came back to the room about 1.30am proceeded to have a long shower - totally waking me up - and then snored like a trooper preventing me from getting back to sleep, or the exhibitionist I knew slightly wandered around the room starkers and kept the door open when on the toilet ( again starkers).

Happy to share a twin room on holiday with a friend, but always check it's a twin and not a double, can scarcely cope with sharing a bed with DH never mind anyone else.

No, I wouldn't feel comfortable with it and I wouldn't offer to pay the difference for another room. I am already giving my time and I shouldn't have to then start paying to volunteer!

@ActualHornist

@IncrediblySadToo I’m sorry I think you’re the one being naive if you don’t think predators would do exactly this*

No, I’m not - it’s just rubbish. No one is going to go through the process of signing up to be a volunteer for a charity like this one on the off chance there might be an overnight training session.

They sign up for things like cubs/scouts/sports clubs where overnights are expected.