To not tell anyone about birthday of baby for 2 weeks

[girlanonymous]

Not due until April, but me and DP want to have a week or 2 to ourselves with DC when she's here.

We're planning on not telling anyone until after 2 weeks that's she's here.

Has anyone done this?

Really? Do you currently go for that length of time without seeing anyone?

Why? I wanted to tell the world, was on the phone less than an hour after having dd whilst they were doing whatever checks they do! I loved having a full house too, was brilliant but then I'm not antisocial

I actually understand you OP. When my first was born I was so overwhelmed, people used to turn up unannounced, at the worst possible time, including 7am!! I was really shocked and exhausted especially after very long and traumatic labour, all I wanted was to be left alone and bond with my baby, and not to entertain visitors! I’m glad my husband picked up on it and on day 6 said to everyone no more visitors until we are settled. We are now expecting second baby and this time around we already told everyone we’ll let them know once we are ready for visitors! Maybe you could do something similar?

Are you not that close to your family? I can't imagine I would ever have even thought of doing this! It does sound very precious.

As a mother of 3DCs, 1 of which is now an adult and hoping to have a baby this year, I couldn't begin to describe how hurt I would be if I wasn't told my grandchild had been born until 2 weeks after. Crazy.

Do it if you want to hurt and alienate your closest family members.

The birth of a baby is the most joyous occasion - a brand new life and new member of the family - people want to share this occasion and love and bond with your baby.

When my neighbour had her baby I never saw any visitors (not that I was spying on her) apart from her mum for months, going by the cars on their drive. I didn't even know the sex of the baby until the postman put a card through my letterbox by mistake when it's injections were due.

@Illberidingshotgun - I understand what you are saying and I agree a short text to the most nearest and dearest maybe with a picture would be good. But maybe OP knows that they wouldn't respect their wishes and not visit for the 2 weeks? Perhaps OP has reasons for wanting to do things this way.

Unless you already live in splendid isolation won't the complete news blackout rather give it away. Is this not what Meghan and Harry tried, and failed, to achieve. In the end they at least appeared to want to share the baby's arrival excitedly.

I'd be devastated if my son and daughter in law did this.

Are you planning on actively lying to people if they text or call? You can't just ignore them as many people will assume something awful has happened.

I think it's fair enough to only have visitors when you're ready but think it's rubbish to lie or just ignore all contact.

My DD didn't want any visitors at all for the first 3 weeks.
I will admit to being disappointed but it was her (and her OH's) decision which we respected.

But the photos of those first couple of weeks were so precious, and I still get something in my eye thinking about the middle of the night text which said "he's here, safe and sound". Wouldn't have been the same "in arrears" as it were. Babies change much more quickly than you can imagine.

Obviously if you are NC with your family then it's a different matter, but please don't deprive those closest to you of those first precious days, even if it is via pictures rather than actual physical contact.

If you think they will ignore your wishes and barge in uninvited then you have a whole other set of issues.

How are you going to manage going for walks/shopping etc?

Surely people will see you pushing a pram or carrying the baby in a sling?

Why?
What do you think they’re going to do?

Precious much

I think it's bonkers. They change so much in those early weeks from little creasy curled up newborns to blinky stretched out babies... As a relative I'd be sad to miss out on those early days. Yes it's your baby but it's just rather exclusionary of and mean spirited towards people who presumably genuinely care about you. By all means restrict visits but don't actually lie to their faces!

Not something I would do. To me its control freak behaviour.

I think you are overestimating the interest other people will have in your baby. Seriously.

I'd add a week onto your due date, and have a couple of days, but I think you will struggle to keep the news under wraps for 2 weeks (thinks back to DS2, who was an unexpected home birth. Got a phone call from a friend when he 15 minutes old - and had to explain that now really wasnt a good time, no I couldn't make it out that afternoon. I was getting congratulations messages before the ambulance had left!)

Attention seeking. If a family member did this I probably just wouldn’t bother to rush to visit them at all since they will have made it very clear that my presence wasn’t welcomed.

But TBH think of the logistics. You’re not going to go out then? At all? Because what happens if you run into someone? Not going to answer the phone? At all? Because what happens if the baby cries?

I had a friend whose partner went in for a CS as she was having twins and he was so excited beforehand that we expected to hear a brief “babies born safe and well” within a couple of days. After a few days we’d heard nothing and I just said to DH that maybe they were really busy as it was twins etc. After ten days we’d still heard nothing, so DH sent him a message basically just along the lines of “hope all doing well,” at which point he messaged back and told him that one of the twins had been stillborn. [sad[ so obviously there was an absolutely valid reason why they hadn’t wanted to tell anyone.

If someone just dropped off the radar like that I’d assume that something was wrong. And if it then transpired a couple of weeks later that they had been holed up in their house as just their “little family” i would think a hell of a lot less of them.

There are people who don’t make any announcements for extremely valid reasons. Because something has gone wrong/because there have been complications etc. To do it because you basically think you’re above other people and your baby is soooo precious is ridiculous. And dare I say it, highly insensitive to people who have very valid reasons not to want to tell people of the birth.

You don't know how you will feel OP.

Two days after having my first I was in Mothercare shopping for stuff.
Eighteen hours after having my second I was doing the weekly shop in Tesco and back at toddler group within 2 days with my new baby attached in a sling.

I was lucky to have easy births, but two weeks would have sent me batshit.

After you have lied and decieved your familt and friends please come back and tell us that you are all still one happy family ! If you were my Daughter i would never put my hand out to help you again.
Take into account by the way your birth plan means nothing, your baby may arrive early ( sometimes a month or more) or may arrive late, your birth may not be straight forward ( are you going to ask family to help out or still lie)
I hope karma kicks you in the arse and in the years to come your child does the same to you

Two weeks is an awful long time to keep it secret. It's selfish too. Let people share your joy.

When I had PFB in 1999 the midwife suggested retiring to bed with him for 2 weeks, bonding and breastfeeding etc.
I didn't do that. Looking back I wish I had really.

With DC2 I couldn't as DC1 needed taking to preschool etc.

But you don't know how you will feel until the time comes. It's horrible when people are pushy about coming to see the baby and you aren't feeling or looking your best. Can't they wait for an invitation?

Just do what feels right. There's no mad rush for people to meet the baby.

Appalling behaviour, and says a lot about how you view your close family. Can totally understand you might want to regulate how long people visit for etc but to deceive your family like this is pretty low imo.

I can completely understand this, people bombard you and thin you're just sat there doing nothing but it's not true, you've been up all night and you just want to enjoy your time in peace. Good luck!

What on earth would you do on the first birthday move it two weeks, hide the birth certificate. Better to say no visitors imo.

Pfb?