To not tell anyone about birthday of baby for 2 weeks

[girlanonymous]

Not due until April, but me and DP want to have a week or 2 to ourselves with DC when she's here.

We're planning on not telling anyone until after 2 weeks that's she's here.

Has anyone done this?

Looking at it from the midwives point of view, could it be because they see no end of frazzled, stressed and tired new Mums? Trying to establish breastfeeding, rest and recover with a never ending stream of visitors wanting to pass the baby around and not know when to leave?

Presumably you won't mind your pfb not delaying the news of your grandchild with you. Go ahead and burn bridges with people who can help you with childcare if needed.

Even if I lost all sense of what is normal and suggested this, my husband would tell me to give my head a wobble.

YANBU OP.
Just tell people when you are ready. Take it all as it comes.

Personally if a close member of my family pulled that stunt I would be able to save on cards and gifts for baby and family! I'd be in no hurry to visit.

My SIL made by brother do this.

I remember sitting with my mum in a sports centre car park trying for 2hours to get her to stop crying.

Oh @siring1 your poor mum.

There are things I did as a pfb mum that make me cringe to this day. But thank goodness even I had enough sense and empathy not to hurt people that much. And if I hadn't, I had a level headed husband who'd have stopped me from doing so.

Particularly if you have another child, you need people to make a fuss of her and take her to the park and make sure the birth of a sibling is a happy time with lots of treats, not two weeks at home with frazzled parents.

What you are actually proposing seems perfectly sensible. Your sensationalist title was a little odd though.

I don’t want to alarm you but for some of us labour didn’t go well and if you are in a near death situation -which hopefully would never happen to you- you might suddenly regret not having told your nearest and dearest that you are in labour if there’s a chance they wouldn’t be able to get to the hospital to see u or your baby before it’s too late.

I think people just think giving birth is a walk in the park sometimes and aren’t aware that it might well be one of the most dangerous moments in your life.

You will probably appreciate some help during those first two weeks!

@siring1 that's dreadful. MIL is like a second mum to me and was one of the first to hold DD1. I think her reaction would of been much the same if she'd been excluded.

Also agree with pp re needing people on hand to fuss over your older child.

I would be very hurt if my child did this to me.

My in laws are very over bearing. My mother in law wanted to be at the birth and me and OH told her no way. She wants to be the first to bath baby basically the first for everything. It is so overwhelming. I dont think we wont tell them about the birth of the child. We just wont tell ppl what time we get home with baby etc and visit wills be controlled to suit us and baby not the visitors. If you want some time my advice is tell ur family and friends you want some space, then turn off ur phone and unplug the landline.

Also i would add you have no idea what your labour experience will be like. You might welcome the support and want someone to be there to help. My mum has already promised me she will be on hand and although my OH would like me to rely fully on him, sometimes it is nice to have he support

Do what you like but it sounds mental to me. And you’ll get bored with no other adults to talk to.

I was recently speaking to my neighbour and he had said they didn’t have any guests for 10 days. They had spoke to friends and family/ FaceTimed but they just want to get used to being a family. I also have a friend who kept it to themselves for visits for a week but they did announce it. It’s totally upto you what you do. If it feels right for you and your partner then go with it, no one can tell you other ways. I would just say to be honest with friends and family, as it can cause issues if everyone finds out two weeks after a the baby is born. I would personally be offended at not being told as a close relative. I would fully understand though if I was told that there’s no visitors whilst we bond. You could always prep everyone beforehand so you’re not being bothered with it all once baby has arrived and just Notify everyone with a pic and announcement that baby has arrived and you’re taking the time as a new family.

I have an American friend and she said that they do a sip and see. It’s usually a good few weeks after baby is born and extended family and friends are invited to see the baby and it gets all over and done with. Lots of options just make sure it works for you but is mindful of immediate families feelings

Who's looking after DC1?

Do what you like. But it's unusual.

I understand people not wanting to be overwhelmed with visitors but I will never understand hiding away.

must admit I find it hard to believe because I was so unbelievably grateful that people not only wanted to see me and my baby but also went to the trouble to buy presents and wrap them and go to all that trouble. So we’re totally different characters!

My first baby was in special care so not allowed visitors and no family could come to see me till the weekend anyway. Also very restricted in those days too.
I was desperate for people to come and meet her!

Roll eyes.

We didn't tell most people for two weeks. The best thing you can do is either not give a due date or give a date that is well after your due date if people ask.

So weird!

So the title and OP should have read 'Only telling grandparents when the baby arrives. Will ask them to keep it secret. Nobody else to know for at least a week'.
Who is it you really don't want to tell? Mil? Sil?

Hiding it is a bit weird. Just tell people and say visitors in two weeks. They'll be so upset if you do that.

Your family, so up to you. I personally think it is sad and a bit bonkers to do so. I would just ask close family to pop over in a few days to see baby and give you all some time together. I had close family come and see dd and ds in hospital. They then left us to it till we were fully settled at home before they dropped in again to see them, about a week later. I would say the same to friends. Dh and I both have lots of extended family and we had kind of an open house day where his extended family were all invited to see the baby. It meant they got to have a cuddle and then bugger off and leave us to it rather than come around in dribs and drabs when I was least expecting it. Would you do something like that? Do you have the kind of family that would impose?

Of course you can do that, just be open to the reality that you might choose to do something different once baby is here or that you may need help. Hurting family and friends is not worth it, I think you’re being a little idealistic about what that week or two might look like. Also your other child may need reassurance of seeing other people or indeed so might you. Best wishes for a calm and peaceful birth