To not tell anyone about birthday of baby for 2 weeks

[girlanonymous]

Not due until April, but me and DP want to have a week or 2 to ourselves with DC when she's here.

We're planning on not telling anyone until after 2 weeks that's she's here.

Has anyone done this?

I think it depends on your relationship with your family. Seeing my mum hold her first grandchild in the hospital is one of the loveliest moments of my life and I would have hated her to have to wait two weeks to do that. If you have a very overbearing or toxic family I can see how it would be appealing, but otherwise I do think it's a bit of a shame. I actually found it better having people round in this early days as DH was off work and they all made me cups of tea and brought food

You have plenty of time as a 'family unit', regardless of the odd visitor.

Don't piss off your family as you know they are special too and you may need help when your dh goes back to work.

Is your name Meghan?

I thought this too.... Hi 👋🏻 Meghan

I'm so sorry that happened mrsT

Great way to get your parents and PILs to bond (against you).

I also don't see how it's practical. Will you just lie to family if they contact you?

Wow... thus just didn’t happen in my day. It just seems to precious and snowflake-like, and very Excluding to family and friends.

It’s obviously up to you but i think it’s very precious and that your close family will feel very hurt when they realise.

That’s a great way to really hurt your parents and in laws (presuming you have them).

Remember you were their baby once and they will love your child unconditionally.

Silly idea!

I'd understand if I was a friend or more extended family. I'd feel hurt on behalf of your immediate family if I heard this and I'd think you were quite selfish. I'd lose a little bit of respect for you.

If I was your immediate family I'd be devastated.

People will think something dreadful has happened, if you go incommunicado for 2 weeks. Far better to tell people baby is fine but no visitors wanted. At least people will know all is well, otherwise there will be unending speculation about what may have happened.

You may find no-one wants to visit after 2 weeks anyway, your newborn baby is only important to you and DH, and hopefully immediate family members.

Bonkers. You'll be dying to show off your brand new baby. If people visit and it's too much then use your words and tell them it's time to go home.

You’re already that parent

It's up to you really but don't expect people to rush to visit once you make the announcement that your baby arrived two weeks previously!

Wouldn’t it be easier to tell people in advance that you’re not planning any visitors for the two weeks after birth? Then a reminder when you tell them baby has arrived?

You might change your mind...having your parents or a best friend visit to share your joy & be useful is really not the same as letting half the office pop in & exhaust you

I went ‘missing’ for 24 hours. Half 7 the following morning babies had just arrived (within 20 mins or so) and the hospital had a call from my sister,which my husband went to answer.

I think you’ll struggle to hide the fact

&Snubbing you’re family is hardly a great start to parenthood.*

Definitely this. Why would you do this to your families unless they’re abusive?

This is a joke, surely ?

Here are the problems with this:

1. Worried parents. If me or my dh didn’t contact our parents for 2 weeks they would think we had died and send the police round. (And I am not even that close to them and live in a different country).

2. Neighbours. my next door neighbour was the first visitor DD1 met. How are you going to smuggle a newborn in a Car seat around.

3. Other pregnant friends. You will not be able to avoid dr surgeries and midwife visits the first two weeks and could easily bump into someone from your local community who will then spread the news.

I agree you don’t have to have visitors (although that may be easier If you gave an OH to help the first two weeks, but it is very unusual to not tell anyone).

I don't really understand why you would do that. Is it the alternative to being honest and saying "we would like a bit of time to get used to everything, we will let you know when we are ready for visitors"?

If someone I was close to went completely off the radar around the time their baby was due, I would be genuinely worried that their baby might have been stillborn. Why would you put the people who love and care about you through that for no reason?

So are you going to have contact with family and friends during this time over phone/text etc and just not mention it? What if they specifically ask you - will you lie to them? I think most people would find it very hurtful.

Do you plan on staying indoors for the two weeks - won't you at least want to go out for a walk? What if you're seen? Even after a c-section I went out for a slow, short walk after a week, I just needed to get out.

It's fine to ask people not to visit until you're ready, but tread carefully if you really plan on keeping the news to yourselves. Also remember that newborns can actually be quite boring, and mainly eat and sleep. You may well get bored and want to see people!

That's going to take an awful lot of lying, planning, and explaining when discovered.

How will you explain their birthday date in future years.

Seems like an awful lot of negative energy for a little bit of supposed peace.
Plan a simpler way to get the peace and space you want.

Like have just close family in the first day or two ask them not to stay too long and then say you're just going to hibernate and moon over your baby for a few days and you'll be in touch again soon.
You know, like most people manage to do

Just give them a picture and schedule in the first visit with GPs for week two, then to everyone else you can say GPs are meeting them first.

You do not really know how you will feel, who you will want to tell etc.

I'm going to go with YANBU. I never told the exact due dates of my children and I certainly didn't accept visitors until I was ready. My parents didn't meet my oldest until he was 4 ( we were in Japan), didn't meet my 2nd until he was 3 (lived in UK),third son they at a month (lived local) and my last they didn't meet until she was 3 months (lived local but babe was in NICU and I was at the RMDH. Nobody was mad and no one's relationship was affected by it. My children are thick as thieves with their grandparents