Is this tight for a wedding?

[MiseryChastain27]

Dp and I have been engaged for over a year but haven't made any plans for a wedding yet. This is mostly due to me finding the whole decision making process very stressful and having a wide circle of friends who all expect to be involved.

I don't really want a big wedding. We earn enough to do it but the thought of spending thousands on one day when we could do so much more with the money kind of makes me feel a bit ill! I feel that these days people judge weddings so much more from the food to the venue to the theme. The stress of it all is putting me off planning so...

I'm thinking of having a very small ceremony with family only. Probably only around 10 people. Mid afternoon. Followed by a meal with said family. Then a party at night time. Ideally all at the same venue - there are local pub venues that can do this. It would lower the pressure on me and avoid all the expense and agro of guest lists, speeches, choosing bridesmaids and so on but I'd still get to celebrate with all my friends in the evening.

But is it tight to deprive guests of a day time meal? Would you be happy with a night do only wedding or find it a bit naff? Interested in thoughts :)

I wouldn't mind. It sounds perfectly sensible to me. But apparently you wl have two tier guests and people will be frightfully offended. Bonus points of you dare not to invite friends children who you have never met...

Won’t be much of a party in the evening with 10 guests.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves another benefit of an evening only wedding is no kids....

Sounds fine, like a simple, low key wedding

Great idea and I would be delighted to go to the party. I'm going to a wedding like this in the summer. Official wedding is at a registry office at 11am, immediate family only, think theres 12 of them all together, and then big fat party for everyone starting at 4pm.

@misspiggy19 sorry I wasn't clear, I meant a party to include everyone in the evening so friends, colleagues and so on would come for a night time party only. The day time ceremony and meal would just be the 10 family.

We had a registry ceremony. Home where chef ds cooked a selection of mains and desserts. Only about a 12 /15 of us including my dc. Had a lovely day!!
No evening do at all! We went of to a swish hotel and left the dc behind!!

Your marriage your choice.

We only invited our two children as witnesses, no meals, no party.

Don't let others pressure you. A small do with guests for an evening party is fine, common place even. I've been invited to the evening part of many a wedding. Sometimes with a buffet laid on.

YANBU you don't owe anyone a wedding. Make it clear you're not expecting big gifts (maybe suggest everyone gives you a book or similar so there's no pressure) and make it clear people don't have to travel if they don't want to (obviously only relevant if you'll be inviting people who live far away). Lots of people will probably be glad of a more relaxed approach.

I think you should do exactly what you suggest and keep it very low key. Life is too short to get so stressed and also to do things just to please others.
My DH and I got married abroad just us two because I could not deal with the thought of being looked at by a room of people and paying thousands for the privilege. Luckily my DH didn't mind either way and it worked out brilliantly for us. We had a wonderful holiday/wedding/honeymoon and it was exactly right for us. It was much cheaper too!
Good luck with your choice, do what is right for you two, don't let others pressurise or stress you out.

Sounds great to me!

" I feel that these days people judge weddings so much more from the food to the venue to the theme."

Arseholes like that aren't worth a moment of your time .

I think it sounds a great idea. I did very similar for my 2nd wedding. My first cost over £30k and while it was a nice day it’s just stress and cost that is unnecessary if it’s not your thing.

P.s. I'd be more than happy with a night time invite as a guest and would totally appreciate that you were trying to include everybody in what is your day.

It doesn't matter whether friends and wider family will be happy. It matters that you are. I think it is fine.

I am getting married this year and I understand the pressure. You want to put on a massive day for others when it should be about yourself and partner getting married!
Do exactly what you want it's your special day and the people that care will understand not being invited to the ceremony. If they don't then tough! Enjoy planning it, do what you and your partner want to do I would be more than happy to attend a wedding format like that x

Wouldn’t bother me at all. Would prob enjoy it more!

Be warned, you'll get posts stating that unless you have Marco Pierre White cooking the food and free champagne by the bucket load and invite every single person you've ever met it won't be a proper wedding....Ignore!!!
Your wedding plans sound really lovely, a low-key ceremony with your nearest and dearest then a celebration party at night, what's not to love about that?

The key here is it's your wedding. When your big circle of friends have there's, they won't expect to be told what to do by you, so why should they put the same pressure on you and your DP?
We got engaged at Christmas, and I have made it abundantly clear that it's our wedding, our way. I'm not spending thousands of pounds, in my mind it's a party!
I did DPs 50th last year, and he loved it, I kept it simple, it was in our fave local pub, it wasn't all singing and dancing and a great time was had by all.
I do get the whole pressure to show off thing- I've joined a few wedding and bride to be groups and some of the women on there stress themselves over wedding insurance and grands on dresses and place settings. To my mind, if it becomes more about showing off, it becomes less about the original idea of being in love with someone and making a commitment and allowing a chosen bunch to share in that.

Do it your way!

I think it sounds perfect. It's yours and your DH-to-be's special day. Do what makes you happy - whatever your reasons :-)

Your day - do what YOU want. Sounds fine to me.

You don't need two meals- the people who had the first meal won't be interested in the second. Better to have the wedding with the closest people, then a break with bubbles and cake, then the evening celebration with decent food for bigger numbers.

That way you avoid two tiers, you have wedding people and wedding celebration people. Much less stressful and tiring for you, too.

We got married on our own, no guests at all, it was perfect!
We intended to have a separate party for friends and family, that was nearly 6 years ago and still not happened

Have the wedding you want, it can be any format, sod what anyone thinks. You do not need to have anything that you don’t want. The marriage matters, the event is just bollocks frankly.

Do it. We did very small similar to yours but without the evening bit. No one gets offended if it's just immediate family, it's when it gets to some cousins,work people, college friends and all that it gets harder. No one has an issue with just family(and if they do it's their issue). Only possible bit being a bit off is asking people to travel if they've to stay over for the evening bit. Make sure they're fed too and be clear it's not a dinner!!

I've been to a couple of weddings like this recently, they seem to be gaining in popularity. One was a cousin with a huge family, one was a second marriage.

My mum was a bit about my cousin's wedding (she is his aunt after all) but I really didn't think twice about either set up. I attended both and had a great time.

Things to bear in mind:
I probably wouldn't have travelled very far, both weddings were very close to where I live. So if you have people that you really want to be there, consider inviting them to the meal part of the day.

Food is important, don't skip the food just because it's 'a party'. It can be really simple though - cuz had bacon butties and pal had bowls of chilli.

Don't be tempted to cut costs further by going mid-week - this kind of do really needs to be on a Saturday night, people just won't come otherwise.