Is this tight for a wedding?

[MiseryChastain27]

Dp and I have been engaged for over a year but haven't made any plans for a wedding yet. This is mostly due to me finding the whole decision making process very stressful and having a wide circle of friends who all expect to be involved.

I don't really want a big wedding. We earn enough to do it but the thought of spending thousands on one day when we could do so much more with the money kind of makes me feel a bit ill! I feel that these days people judge weddings so much more from the food to the venue to the theme. The stress of it all is putting me off planning so...

I'm thinking of having a very small ceremony with family only. Probably only around 10 people. Mid afternoon. Followed by a meal with said family. Then a party at night time. Ideally all at the same venue - there are local pub venues that can do this. It would lower the pressure on me and avoid all the expense and agro of guest lists, speeches, choosing bridesmaids and so on but I'd still get to celebrate with all my friends in the evening.

But is it tight to deprive guests of a day time meal? Would you be happy with a night do only wedding or find it a bit naff? Interested in thoughts :)

@picklemepopcorn yes I did think that. But I'm planning a wedding at about 2-3pm so it would be a long old wait for the family to eat at around 8 or 9. I would like to have a lovely sit down meal with them and then maybe organise a cheaper food option for the night guests - pizza, buffet, hog roast type thing.

Sounds lovely. Could you ask the pub to provide mid/late- night snacks? E.g nachos, mezze platters, Indian snacks, whatever the pub's usual options are. Your guests might have an early dinner at home, and something to soak up the alcohol might be appreciated?

Sorry, just seem your last post where you said you'll arrange food!

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions - very reassuring. Yes there will definitely be food for the night guests but not a sit down dinner.

There are a few friends I would like to be part of the day but it's so hard to invite one and not the other and then another and another. It just spirals. It's either all or nothing. So I think it's safer to keep it as family only. It will massively cut costs. The biggest expense I've found is feeding people during the day. When you have 80+ guests which is what we'd be looking at it's an absolute fortune.

Why not just elope and then arrange a do for everyone when you're back? A blessing at the same time if you want some feel of "officialdom" about it?

It’s sounds perfect. It’s such a waste to spend thousands and thousands on one day. I’ve been to 2 of these type of weddings (just the party part) and it was lovely. The only thing is that I don’t know if people would travel from far away and pay for expensive hotels for it.

I don't understand why you feel you 'owe' people a shindig.

It's your wedding, your day, and you are entitled to do exactly as you wish.

My friend got married on her summer holiday and saved a fortune . They flew out and had the ceremony 3 days later & arranged a pub reception when they got back.

I'd be fine with it. I've only really seen people get offended by evening-only wedding invites on MN. Bear in mind though:
*If you are asking people to travel long distances (several hours' journey) to come to your wedding, they might be less keen if it's only for the evening.
*Do lay on plenty of food for your evening guests, even if you've had a big meal in the afternoon.
*If you don't want kids there, say that explicitly, don't rely on people taking the hint from the fact its in the evening.

100% do it!. If I could have my time again I'd have the wedding WE wanted not what everyone else expected. A small gathering at a pub with a party sound perfect.

Why don't you have an afternoon tea with your family (can include bubbles if you like) and a bbq/hog roast/chilli for everyone in the evening. That way everyone gets fed well without breaking the budget.

Sounds perfect. We had a small wedding, about 28, with a buffet lunch - no speeches etc, then everyone who was able to came back to our house and had bubbly, steak and salad in the evening. All very laid back.

I am more than happy to be invited just to an evening do. The best one I’ve been to served hot dogs and burgers at about 9.00. People invited to an evening do won’t be expecting a full meal.

Most importantly - do what you both want, it’s your day!

Sounds fine to me. You could make the evening party really fun.
If you're happy, your guests should be too!

As long as you and your fiance are happy, and there is no dispute about who is "family", then this sounds perfect.
You just invite people in the evening, saying "We're having a tiny, private wedding with immediate family only but would like to celebrate our marriage with family and friends by throwing a party to which you are invited"
Sounds lovely.

This sounds exactly like what we did. We spent solong going round in circles trying to plan the "perfect" wedding, in the end we thought "sod it" and booked the registry office. Close family and a few of our very best friends were invited to the ceremony and meal, and a mass invite was sent out to our wider circle inviting them to a party at the night time (we hired out part of a posh bar in our hometown).

We had it booked, planned and done in just over two weeks! It was amazing, so laid back and no stress at all! So many of our guests have said that it is one of the best weddings that they have ever been to. If I had my time again I would do exactly the same, I wouldn't change a thing.

Getting married in just over a week. Registry office, his son and my daughter are witnesses. Apart from one close friend we’ve told no one apart from our parents. We’re going out for a meal in the evening (myself, DH2b, witnesses and friend). That’s it - just couldn’t be bothered with all the fuss and expense. Saved the money towards our holiday (honeymoon) in June. It’s your day, dowhatever pleases you

That's exactly what we did. Had a close family only registry office wedding, there were 16 of us in total... went for lunch in a restaurant afterwards, no speeches or anything.
Had a party in the evning for all friends and extended family... about 100 people.

Great idea, if you did a buffet/hog roast/BBQ and free drinks in the evening I think people would be very happy with just coming to the evening do.

My fiancé and I are doing something very similar this October - feel free to PM if you need any advice! Spending about 5K in total, but this is central London

Some friends got married in a church in the late afternoon, had fizz and cake for everyone that came. Then an meal in a restaurant for 15-20 people finishing about 9pm. It was truly lovely.
Just do what you will enjoy and leave out all the stuff you don’t want. I say this as someone who had a massive wedding! To each their own.

As a wedding photographer I'm frequently asked to photograph small weddings.One of the wonderful things is that you can go really high budget and have very special meals in 5 star hotels etc.Many of them will provide private rooms for the meal.I covered a wedding for 16 guests in a 5 star hotel with a harpist and small band in the evening.They had high tea after the service and a wonderful meal in a private part of the restaurant industry in the evening.They were a quiet couple who came from 2 very different religions and it was a great solution.Both families stayed in the hotel that night and it was a lovely relaxed day.

It's fine. Friends of ours are getting married in church, having a very small group of family and friends, no best man, bridesmaids etc and they're going to a hotel for a two course meal. In the evening they're having a party at the hotel for lots of guests. They've been together 24 years!

We got married at 5pm in a church and had a party afterwards, been with husband since school and didn't want the faff of a sit down meal.

Church was full, everyone clapped and cheered when the pronounced us man and wife and it still makes me smile when i think of it now.

It was a great party and i looked the simplicity of it

We got married with just us and 2 witnesses (my dsis and dh's dbro and their spouses and an informal meal with champagne after (my sil bought us a surprise mini/tiny two tier wedding cake which the restaurant brought out after the meal with a huge knife to cut which was funny and really thoughtful!). Never told anyone else in advance. Family and friends accepted the idea we "eloped" instead of taking offence at not being invited.

We didn't plan a party, but due to "pressure"/requests to celebrate the event, about a month after we had an informal big BBQ at a family members home (they have more space and we could play some background music there) to celebrate with around 40 people (and 6 borrowed BBQ's on the go!!).

Having the "party" on a day separate from the registry office bit helped avoid that 2 tier wedding feeling.

There were no formal invites, those invited were told no presents and that it would be simple sausages, burgers, chicken kebabs, salad bits, buns, paper plates, plastic glasses, snacks and free Budweiser/rose wine/generic spirits/mixers, but there would be a load of BBQs and they were welcome to bring any food to stick on BBQ/drink (garden chairs!) they wanted. We had the option for 1 of the BBQs to be vegetarian if necessary, the vegetarians I know are not precious about a bit of cross contamination so all ended up used for meat.

If you do a bigger party at a venue, invites with a request for no presents your presence is enough, informal dress code, a couple of free drinks and a buffet later would be lovely to celebrate with you.

In my opinion, @MiseryChastain27, the only people you have to please when planning a wedding are the bride and groom. Other people will have opinions, but what matters is that you and your dp have a wedding that suits you and makes you happy.

One of my closest friends had a very small wedding - about 20 of us at the Registry Office, and then back to theirs for a party in the garden - and the food was a buffet they had made themselves. It was a perfect day for them, and as their guests we were happy to see them happy. It was a lovely, relaxed event