Is this tight for a wedding?

[MiseryChastain27]

Dp and I have been engaged for over a year but haven't made any plans for a wedding yet. This is mostly due to me finding the whole decision making process very stressful and having a wide circle of friends who all expect to be involved.

I don't really want a big wedding. We earn enough to do it but the thought of spending thousands on one day when we could do so much more with the money kind of makes me feel a bit ill! I feel that these days people judge weddings so much more from the food to the venue to the theme. The stress of it all is putting me off planning so...

I'm thinking of having a very small ceremony with family only. Probably only around 10 people. Mid afternoon. Followed by a meal with said family. Then a party at night time. Ideally all at the same venue - there are local pub venues that can do this. It would lower the pressure on me and avoid all the expense and agro of guest lists, speeches, choosing bridesmaids and so on but I'd still get to celebrate with all my friends in the evening.

But is it tight to deprive guests of a day time meal? Would you be happy with a night do only wedding or find it a bit naff? Interested in thoughts :)

You are describing my dream wedding! My DP wants the whole shabang so we're going for it, but if I had my way I'd do exactly what you are describing. Go for it!

What about a late afternoon wedding then straight into an evening buffet? Then you can invite everyone to everything. You can always have a sit down meal with family before the wedding or the day before if you want one.

May I suggest if you’re going to do a very small wedding breakfast then keep it very small. If you just have immediate family and no friends then you’re less likely to offend. Not that you should have to justify yourself anyway.

Or elope on a family holiday and get married. You can always come home and have a knees up at the pub.

Some of the wedding venues near me (South East) do Friday evening weddings, I think that's a lovely idea especially in the the summer, no one misses out on the ceremony then straight into buffet and dancing.

It sounds lovely, it's your day, do what you want :) You shouldn't care if it's tight or not and what other people will think, it's a lot of money and you shouldn't feel pressured to spend it on one day!

We planned a wedding with projected costs escalating by the minute, I lost my nerve, uninvited everyone (the horror!), eloped abroad, had a fantastic time, and promised to have a party when we come back, never did, didn't lose any friends over it, everybody understood the reasons, and I'm so happy that we didn't get into debt to just have a party!

I think it's a great idea! Saves you the stress and the extravagance which you don't want. Only advice is be prepared for people to put in their 2 cents worth & get upset BUT remember this is your day about you and your partner getting married and not what everybody, their aunt and their bloody dog wants!
Congratulations!

It's your wedding.
Do exactly what you want.
I think it sounds good.

Sounds a great plan.

Or have a weekend away somewhere picturesque and pay for hotel rooms for the 10 of you. Get married. Have a chilled weekend then have a party the next weekend.

This sounds like a great idea and something we toyed with lots. I wasn't personally brave enough (caved to the guilty peer pressure of those moaning that they wanted to see the ceremony etc and how upset they'd be blah blah) but if I had been braver I would have done the same as you OP.

Sounds fine to me. We had a family and close friends service at the local registry office. Tea and cakes after and then we went to a long planned event that evening. Some of our guests were there because of the social circle the event came from. Was bloody awesome and saved us so much hassle.

OP I am in the exact same position as you, even down to delaying organising anything because of the anxiety (found every excuse under the sun!). We are looking to elope with immediate family only, to keep the stresses down. I think your wedding sounds lovely and I hope you have a great day.

Myself and DP are getting married soon, wedding is at 3pm, with only close family and a few friends, approx 15 people. Straight to the venue for the "evening" do, where we'll have a few drinks before having a hot food buffet. all other guests have been invited to arrive from 4pm so they can be included in the food as well, and then we'll party on until god knows when.
it may not suit everyone, but it suits us and what we wanted.

Do what pleases you, and what makes you happy x

Do it! It's your money, your wedding, you can do whatever the hell you like and people will have to get over themselves!

My friend did something similar last year - it was great!

Do what suits you and ignore anyone else. Though my thinking is almost the reverse of yours, I would choose a church wedding anyone can attend with drinks and cake at the back of the church then only a few close family go off for dinner. I doubt I will remarry but it's the witnessing of vows that matter not the party ... I actually took mine seriously unlike my ex

I think it's fine but I'd do the party on a different day. Small wedding and lunch/evening meal with family only is fine.

Then a big party to 'celebrate the fact we got married recently' on another day. On the day, it makes the 'You weren't invited to the wedding but join us later' factor more acute.

@WhatToDo999's plan sounds perfect to me.
Enjoy your day.

We did the same with a small ceremony, immediate family only then massive party and bbq in the evening. It was still going strong at 4am in the morning when we left and people still talk about it 20yrs on.

Sounds similar to us. Both our second wedding and after pay for 5 lots of ivf we now have our daughter and wanted a low cost wedding

We are getting married at 430 with family and close friends

Pics and a drink on us

Then 7pm evening guests arrive

And 8 ish a buffet for all

It was the easiest cheapest option to feed everyone once

Sounds great.

OP we're doing exactly the same. Small family wedding at 2pm followed by a small family meal, and then a big knees up at 6pm.

We've even put on the evening invites "Following a small family wedding...."

No-one is bothered or offended and seem to be looking forward to it.

We did exactly this. We had just very close friends/family at the ceremony and meal and a big party at night. We had no cars, no cake and no photographer as we didn't care about them but did have it in a nice venue and hired a great band. We also asked for charitable donations instead of gifts as we had everything we needed and it felt wrong. We had been together a long time and had gone through some tough things and we wanted a party. I know that we annoyed some family but we genuinely didn't care as it was OUR wedding. This to me is the thing to remember- it is your day and the two of you get to choose. It is everyone else's job to be happy for you. End of.

@Wingedharpy thank you

My only regret was not inviting more friends to the meal and ceremony in a (small) effort to mollify family

Sounds absolutely perfect.

Your original plan sounds perfect. Do it! You don’t owe your wide circle of friends a wedding! A party will be great, much less stressful and soooo much cheaper. Your wedding, your choice.