Is this tight for a wedding?

[MiseryChastain27]

Dp and I have been engaged for over a year but haven't made any plans for a wedding yet. This is mostly due to me finding the whole decision making process very stressful and having a wide circle of friends who all expect to be involved.

I don't really want a big wedding. We earn enough to do it but the thought of spending thousands on one day when we could do so much more with the money kind of makes me feel a bit ill! I feel that these days people judge weddings so much more from the food to the venue to the theme. The stress of it all is putting me off planning so...

I'm thinking of having a very small ceremony with family only. Probably only around 10 people. Mid afternoon. Followed by a meal with said family. Then a party at night time. Ideally all at the same venue - there are local pub venues that can do this. It would lower the pressure on me and avoid all the expense and agro of guest lists, speeches, choosing bridesmaids and so on but I'd still get to celebrate with all my friends in the evening.

But is it tight to deprive guests of a day time meal? Would you be happy with a night do only wedding or find it a bit naff? Interested in thoughts :)

It sounds fine, make sure you have a good buffet for your evening guests and perhaps a drink on arrival

The evening do it everyone's favourite bit!!! That sounds perfect, and your wedding should be how you wanted it to be! Me and my husband wanted to go abroad, but I have a very big very over involved family and it was made clear to me it wasn't an option!! And no!! Not tight at all, it's probably going to relieve quite a few guests with regards to finances, all day childcare etc. as being a wedding guest can come with a huge pricetag

Also if you're finding planning stressful just ask your fiance to do it

you could always separate out the two. Have the wedding/meal for family on one day then have a post wedding celebration party for friends,family,colleagues on a completely different day at the same or a different venue. You might enjoy the party more since the pressure of being the bride will be eased.

Sorry posted before finished

Loved the simplicity of it.
Basically people could come church or just the party the decision was theirs.

We still had speeches in the evening, best man bridesmaids etc but it was a lot cheaper as only an evening buffet to pay for.

Tight is proportional to what you expect of people.

So, say your wedding is 'bring a dish', it would be tight (not to mention impractical) to request black-tie as a dress code.

Say your wedding is abroad - it's tight to then cheap out on food.

As you're only expecting people to join you for the evening, you're taking out a whole load of obligation for them.

You don't have to have a party if you don't want to .. Could just do your family and ceremony..
We had a comparatively small celebration...but would do even smaller if again... as was still more stressful than needed

I have spoken to my partner about exactly this. We're not planning on getting married yet (if at all), but if we do, we have agreed that the ceremony will be just us and witnesses (preferably random ones to avoid issues about who we ask), and then a party in the evening with a buffet, and anyone who wants to can come to that.

I hate seeing threads on here where other people make your wedding hell, moaning about being invited, where they're sitting, what they've been asked to give as gifts .. I just cannot be arsed. Marriage isn't about that for me. In fact, I'd happily go without the party side of things at all, but I do think it would be nice to get everyone together to celebrate in some way, even if it is relatively low key (no first dance, cake, speeches etc). Literally just food, drink and a DJ.

Sounds lovely. I'd love to be invited to the party, and I wouldn't be at all offended. A friend did something like this and it was great. It didn't feel much like a wedding (she had the party on a different day) but everyone had a great time and I certainly didn't mind not being invited to the wedding.

We did exactly what you are thinking of. We had a family only wedding, a lovely lunch and then a party for everyone else in the evening. We didn't tell any of the guests that we were getting married just that we were having a party. There were no expectations, no one had time to be upset that they weren't invited to a wedding and we didn't ask for or receive presents so no great expense for the guests. We had a brilliant time on a low budget.

I think that sounds like a wonderful wedding: small and intimate ceremony with people who are there because they are genuinely closely involved with you and a party afterwards to celebrate. I no longer go to big showy weddings. Too many times I've felt as if I've had to pay a lot of money to perform as an extra in someone else's fantasy. Do yours differently.

Sounds absolutely fine and lovely

Hi op! Go for it! We have just booked to do the same! Get married later this year, with 15 day guests and 100 evening guests! Sounds perfect to me! Like you the thought of spending ridiculous amounts made me feel sick!
Then I thought, so many people get married abroad these days with close family only and then throw a big party when they arrive home, so why not just go with that anyway, without going abroad! sounds fab!

Sounds entirely reasonable to me - small wedding with larger party to celebrate later.

Do what you want, don't be guilted into an overblown moneypit of a wedding when it isn't what you want.

Sounds perfect and just like something I would want. Like hell am I going to spend £££ feeding and trying to impress people when I could be putting it towards a bigger house or my Son's future.

My friend's wedding was almost identical to this, they were so happy, they are both quiet people and it was perfect for them. It is your wedding, you must do it how you want.

Who cares if people think it's naff? Do it to please you! It's your day!

We will be having a simple ceremony followed by a meal in a restaurant. That's it! Couldn't care less if others think this is strange, we'll all be together and everyone will have food and drink. Sorted!

Do it. We had a Monday afternoon registry office wedding with just us, our 3 adult DC and their partners, and DH's dad (all other parents deceased).

Took them for a meal afterwards which we paid for.

We then had a massive party for about 150 at a local club the following Saturday. Everyone welcome, bring who you like. No formal meal, just a cold buffet of sandwiches, wraps, quiche etc.

It worked fine, we got to do the actual marriage thing with minimum fuss AND party with all our nearest and dearest.

If it's what you want then go for it.

Do what you want. Good practice for being an adult.

Do what's right for you.

We had a very informal wedding. It was big as we wanted to invite lots of people. But we did it day time only. We did a buffet lunch, some of which we made ourselves. We invited people to join us at a local bar/restaurant for dinner after if they wanted, at their expense. Some people chose to join us.

Do you actually want the evening party?

That'd be my perfect wedding to attend!
None of the usual bullshit

Go for it

This is YOUR wedding and marriage, so do what YOU want. Anyone who gets offended by not having a slap-up free meal with all the trimmings isn't a friend. I'm horrified by how much people are prepared to pay for weddings these days. It's so unnecessary.

Sounds good to me, and TBH I'd prefer to be invited to just a nice, relaxed evening party than go to a service and do all the usual waiting around while photos are done etc etc.

That is a fantastic idea! We did something similar and got married at the courthouse with his parents and my best friend in attendance, formal lunch after and then had a "wedding celebration" aka PARTY 6 months later. We included a mock ceremony so we could say our own vows and I wore casual clothes with a veil comb in my hair. It was perfect and perfectly "us".