Is this tight for a wedding?

[MiseryChastain27]

Dp and I have been engaged for over a year but haven't made any plans for a wedding yet. This is mostly due to me finding the whole decision making process very stressful and having a wide circle of friends who all expect to be involved.

I don't really want a big wedding. We earn enough to do it but the thought of spending thousands on one day when we could do so much more with the money kind of makes me feel a bit ill! I feel that these days people judge weddings so much more from the food to the venue to the theme. The stress of it all is putting me off planning so...

I'm thinking of having a very small ceremony with family only. Probably only around 10 people. Mid afternoon. Followed by a meal with said family. Then a party at night time. Ideally all at the same venue - there are local pub venues that can do this. It would lower the pressure on me and avoid all the expense and agro of guest lists, speeches, choosing bridesmaids and so on but I'd still get to celebrate with all my friends in the evening.

But is it tight to deprive guests of a day time meal? Would you be happy with a night do only wedding or find it a bit naff? Interested in thoughts :)

Sounds fab. Do it. I had the wedding with 120 odd guests and I spent all my time saying hello and goodbye. If I ever get married again (though actual marriage still very much going strong) I would do this.

Wouldn't bother me, and I think you're quite right to do what you can to reduce the stress and expense.
However it would be bad form not to put on any food for your guests in the evening, even if just some buffet food.

As long as your start time allows people to get their own lunch beforehand (i.e not starting before about half 2) then I think it’s perfectly fine to only have one round of food.

Oops, sorry OP, have just read that you do indeed plan to do so.

Sounds great to me !

This or elope. A very close friend of mine did what you describe, only 10 people there (just mums dads and siblings). I was a bit sad not going as we had been all through school, college and uni together and were still close friends but I totally got why they wanted to do it this way, cost was mainly their motivation. Then my sister in law again did this too, I made the cut as I was counted as family, but there were only 10 people. It was a lovely wedding and we just had a meal at a restaurant nearby. They did a month later have a party at my in laws (house big enough for everyone), it was a bbq. Everyone was just happy she had finally married her long term partner and it was a lovely day the bbq. No one felt done out of a meal or a posh venue!

You do whatever suits you, not everyone else. You go to someone’s wedding and while you usually have a lovely (long) day it isn’t a day for you to treasure, it is your day, no one else’s!

I'm in 100% honest, if you were one of my best mates I'd be pretty sad if I wasn't invited to your wedding ceremony.

Having said that, it's entirely up to you - it's your day and completely your decision.

Go for it!

I think it sounds perfect!

I had a big wedding and while I dont regret any of the actual fay, I look at the amount of money we spent and I do think it was really quite daft. I am not a superficial person or the type of person who just wants her big day so I dont really know why we didnt do a small thing just for us. I will be telling my kids though to do it whatever way suits them best as a couple when the time arises!

A wedding is actually only about 2 people - your idea sounds just fine to me

Do it the way you and DP want, OP. Too many people waste thousands of pounds on a competitive performance, with so much stress that they don't end up enjoying the day.

We wanted all the fun of a big party with the two families mixing and old friends catching up with each other. But we kept everything simple, so it didn't cost much and importantly it wasn't a huge job to organise. Most of the money went on food and drinks; I bought a cheap dress I could wear again and everyone had a fantastic time.

We had a small family wedding, ceremony at 4pm and then drinks and canapés before dinner. It was perfect.

I think more and more people are realising what a huge waste of money a big wedding is, and everyone will be more than happy to just come to a party.

I actually hate being invited to the wedding itself, as you have to have a proper outfit (rather than just something comfortable that you could wear for a party) and sit through boring speeches etc etc.

Go for it!

We did something like this - what we did at the party was have free drinks (free wine and beer). Everyone is always so delighted with free booze that frankly I doubt they could have cared less had they been at the ceremony or not. If that seems excessive (DH comes from a culture where you have to have free booze at weddings) then pay for as much beer and wine and nice soft drinks as you can behind the bar and maybe don't wear a big massive meringue dress and tails (as that will imply there was a huge do earlier that evening guests missed) and don't get pissed before they arrive.

I have been to events like this and don't mind at all but then I think about 90% of the 'you MUST do it like this' stuff is bollocks.

I think that your idea is brilliant. I would not be bothered at all about other people,who you think would be put out by your plans. Other people's expectations don't matter in reality.

I would think it would be a relief to have a fairly simple wedding,without all the stress and planning for a big fancy one.

My daughter doing something similar...CLOSE family only at service...30 people then same people for a lunch in a lovely restaurant..private room ...then everyone else gets to come to disco and cheese n bread etc in the evening .

Oh and I know a couple of people who HAD to do it like this or else have family ructions, and we had our actual ceremony and everything in a different location due to family complexities so you should feel free to just sigh 'family reasons, you know how it is' and offer zero extra explanation to any one rude enough to demand why they're not at the ceremony. Everyone just nods wisely.

With a small wedding you don’t need an evening do. We had only immediate family, no one else. In the evening the guests went home and we had champagne and a takeaway in our hotel room. It was perfect - no stress and exactly what we wanted.

I clicked on the title thinking I was going to see a pic of a tight wedding dress!

We said we’d do a party with wider family and friends another time to keep everyone happy. 3 years later and the party still hasn’t been arranged because truth be told it was never what we wanted.

I got married a few years ago. We had 12 guests!

It was perfect!

This is exactly what I wanted to do but was put under pressure by everyone for a big do. I was quite young and didn't have the balls Indo now and unfortunately didn't enjoy it and cut out alot of the faff it still was hard work though. I'd definitely go for it it's your wedding and the people who actually care about you will not care about bells and whistles.

We only had my adult children at mine
It was great

We had a small wedding. The restaurant where we had the reception only seated about 60 people, so that kept the guest list down. It was lovely and we were able to afford a really fine meal for everyone.

Your plans sound lovely. The wedding is for you, not the guests.

Do it. There's nothing nicer than relaxed, low-key wedding.

You'll get a great turnout because you haven't made the guests fork out 8oo quid each for hotels and travel.

You'll all have a blast.