Is this tight for a wedding?

[MiseryChastain27]

Dp and I have been engaged for over a year but haven't made any plans for a wedding yet. This is mostly due to me finding the whole decision making process very stressful and having a wide circle of friends who all expect to be involved.

I don't really want a big wedding. We earn enough to do it but the thought of spending thousands on one day when we could do so much more with the money kind of makes me feel a bit ill! I feel that these days people judge weddings so much more from the food to the venue to the theme. The stress of it all is putting me off planning so...

I'm thinking of having a very small ceremony with family only. Probably only around 10 people. Mid afternoon. Followed by a meal with said family. Then a party at night time. Ideally all at the same venue - there are local pub venues that can do this. It would lower the pressure on me and avoid all the expense and agro of guest lists, speeches, choosing bridesmaids and so on but I'd still get to celebrate with all my friends in the evening.

But is it tight to deprive guests of a day time meal? Would you be happy with a night do only wedding or find it a bit naff? Interested in thoughts :)

Sounds perfect.
YOUR day so you do what you want.
If I had my time again, that's how I would do it!

Sounds perfect but don't feel pressured to having the evening party at all if you don't really want to. Your wedding isn't about what other people want or expect.

You should do what's right for you and your fiancé. We are getting married abroad, just the two of us. No parents, friends, family or his kids. Then we're having a huge party when we get back home.

As in making your own decisions and doing what is best for you, not as in being selfish.

Tight? - you sound extravagant compared to how we did it. Morning registry ceremony, two close friends and their spouses (no family) as witnesses, the six of us out for lunch, then round ours for a relaxed extended buffet/drinkies all afternoon and into the evening.

We did do a party a few months later for family and friends, but we treated that as a separate event - which is much easier than trying to do everything at the same time.

Getting married is about you, not anyone else. Do what you want.

It’s not tight at all. It sounds like a great plan. I’d tell people not to bring any gifts though.

I’d have the wedding one day and the party the following weekend. It would be more relaxing.

Sounds fab and I'd do something similar if I do it again.

I'd never waste all that money again. It was a 'nice' day, but it was just another expensive wedding and planning it was a nightmare. People are a nightmare.

It's almost exactly what we did, except no patty. We had ceremony with 10 guests, champagne and cake after, then evening meal at a restaurant. It was lovely and we all had such a nice time.

And to add - Focus on what is important to YOU and don't scrimp on those things. For me - I didn't care about the venue or dancing or gifts (we said no gifts). The things that were important to me were the cake and food and good wine and beer, so these things are what we spent the most money on.

I think your plans sound fine OP. However, personally I would have your smaller family wedding and the party on different days. People get really funny about "I'm evening only" it seems... having different days cuts all that out. You also get to wear the dress again assuming you will have one.

Sounds like several weddings I've been to. Perfectly fine. Enjoy your day!

Party* not patty!

Sounds perfect and you are doing more than we will be ! . We have registrar coming to our lovely venue, there will be about 16 of us for the small, simple ceremony then a stylish lunch in a private room there. Guests go home, we stay at a lovely hotel that night and that's it 😀. We didn't want a massive do, it was difficult to balance guests from both sides of the families (he has siblings, nieces/nephews, I don't) and this felt perfect for us. I'm still worried that we will offend people who invited us to their weddings but we really need to stick to what we want.

Congratulations OP, have a fabulous day

Thank you all! So reassuring to see people think that it's a great idea although I know I will have a few friends who will be pissed off disappointed not to be at the ceremony. It's tough though. As you said, it's our day and our choice.

I definitely do want the night time party as I would feel sad not to celebrate to some extent with our close friends. And on our wedding day too. The idea of having them on separate days would probably be more relaxing but I think I'd rather get it all done in one go!!!!!

This is what i did for my wedding - we had only family at the ceremony & meal - then evening guests came at about 7pm and we had a big party with a dj - it was so fun we were dancing until 4am! No food for evening as it was on late enough that people could have their dinner before coming !

I guess I’ll be the sole voice of dissent and say why have the evening party? I can’t exactly articulate why, but I find it a bit odd being invited to celebrate a wedding that you weren’t invited to. Having said that, I absolutely don’t think that you should have a massive expensive wedding either.

I just think there are other ways of having a wedding that don’t involve spending masses of money, yet let everyone share the important bit which is, after all, the ceremony itself. In the past, I’ve worked quite a few large afternoon tea weddings (by far the cheapest way to feed a lot of people) with no evening do, or couples who got married as late as possible so the evening do was the wedding reception. Also plenty of small weddings with just a sit down lunch for immediate family and then that was it.

@gingersausage I don't agree -we had 150 friends & extended family attend our evening and everyone was happy to be there! we had a great dj and it was a brilliant party - people have told us it was the best wedding they ever went to! Nobody had to take a day off work, it was in the city centre and easy for everyone to reach and get a taxi home later.

Why should she leave it at just the small family event and not hae an evening do to party and have fun with her friends?

@gingersausage yes that is a good point. The ceremony is the important bit and it does feel a bit strange to invite people to a 'wedding' party that hasn't actually involved seeing the wedding - although I guess that's what evening guests only experience? I would like some elements of the wedding included in the party - cake cutting and a first dance perhaps.

By limiting numbers to the day time ceremony I am also cutting back on having to feed loads of people during the day and on the stress and politics of things such as choosing bridesmaids and arranging seating plans.

You're basically describing my BIL's wedding... and it was perfect. We all met in the pub over the road from the registry office first so the families could chat (we hadn't met her side of the family before), and nerves were calmed. Then all back to a small hotel for a late lunch (15 ish of us), then a DJ and buffet in the evening for 80 or so. It was a lovely day.

We are doing the exact same thing. Registry office with close family, something to eat and them a reception in a hotel at night for everyone else to come. Saving an absolute fortune. I just cant justify the expense for something me and my partner don't want just to be the same as everyone else.

Sounds like a wedding I went to. Close family only at the ceremony followed by a nice lunchtime meal and then a big pub party in the evening. The evening party was in a different venue and with enough of a gap that actually we were hungry again!!

Brilliant idea. It's a party. I might not come if I had to travel a long way....

Yu see for me the wedding itself is most boring par. Yes it is the important it for those are getting married. And very close family. But as a friend? Having a party to celebrate sounds much more fun and relevant

I think I've typed this a million times but the only 2 people you need to worry about are you and the person you are marrying and the vows you take in front of the official presiding over the ceremony. The rest doesn't need to happen at all so look on everything else as a bonus.

Good luck and well done for not buying into the ridiculous notion that you need all the bells and whistles to make it special.

Sounds like a great plan. Book it for a Friday you'll get a better choice of venues and everyone will thank you for not making them take a day off work.