He likes vulnerable women - should I be worried

[Freshstart2020]

Hi all

Am recently separated and kind of seeing a guy, 15year age gap, he txt's me constantly, have gone on a handful of dates. Due to my separation (ex refused to tell family so wasnt public even though separated a year) we have had to be discreet.

Txting last night, silly conversation, he is also saying I am stunning but he isnt into me for my looks, I asked him what it actually is about me that he likes. His response was 'probably how vulnerable you are as a person, I'm attracted to vulnerable women as they need something'.

I was stunned.

Should I run?

He’s a creep. He’s grooming you.
Stay well away

I see through his job and what I know of him, he puts everyone except himself first

This will be the job that only he has told you about, just like the "putting everyone first" selflessness that you only know aboiut because ... he sold it to you?

Sure, why not believe a man who you 'never see'? Sounds like a good basis for a relationship based on reality & srong boundaries ...

@Freshstart2020

Do you believe, in some way, that finding the right man will bring you the happiness that has seemed to elude you?

Do you have a yearning to be known and understood deeply by someone?

Do you feel lost when you're alone?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions (if not all of them), then start living into your name: make 2020 a fresh start by learning to give all of this to yourself first. Sounds awful, doesn't it? Then there's no better reason.

Run for the hills, block him, do whatever you need to escape his clutches.

A past relationship started very similar op. I had dc and had left an abusive marriage.
He pretended to use condoms but didn't and I got pregnant. Took me 8 years to break away.

Very early on I made a comment about feeling I was drowning most days and he said I am a great swimmer. I see both sides

You're right, it's a match made in heaven.

Forget about the grooming, the age gap, the requirement for you to be 'vulnerable', the fact that you 'never meet' but 'text all the time'.
This man has a facility for trite phraseology - he can extend a metaphor at the drop of a hat - never mind his "dark side", he must be The One!

I’ve been where you are OP. Hold out for the real thing, it’ll be worth it, I promise

He has said he cannot allow himself to get too involved emotionally yet as he doesnt want to b crushed

Of course he doesn't. That's YOUR role.

AFistfulofDolores1

Do you have a yearning to be known and understood deeply by someone? - absolutely 100%

@Freshstart2020, well that will be brilliant for him!
Someone to mould to his whims and who will pay for him to sit around all day.
Run!

yes I agree everything is on his terms. He has a high flying job, CEO type.

Yeah, right.
There are an awful lot of threads about predatory men preparing to abuse vulnerable young women this morning.
Funny, that. Maybe you should read them all, OP.

Forestwitch

He has a major job, completely independent and not looking for someone to pay for him!!

Not sure if makes a difference and posters will probably say so similar to 50 shades but he is also adopted

messolini9

No idea what you mean here

Run like the fucking wind.

It's certainly a new red flag on me.

Most decent mature men like women who are strong and capable and adult.

He doesn't want to get too emotionally involved and yet expects you to put total trust in him in order to indulge his fetish?
Yea no thanks.

Sounds like a narcissist, always lovely and considerate at first, will get you to fall for him then slowly wear you down, and eventually ghost you and ditch you
Take advice from people on here
It will be like being with Jekyl and Hyde
Which is the real one?
Run while you can, before you get too attached

Major red flag 🚩. Run op and keep running.

Freshstart that is what my narc told me, adopted then abused then abandoned, same old story

This sort of thing makes me snort with laughter before blocking but then again I'm in no way vulnerable or naive.

Wow, he's a man of many parts.

He has said he would love to transform me, that I have no confidence when I have it all and should be confident.

From Christian Grey to Svengali!

Hurrah! Because what every woman need is some random Edgelord informing her what her character is going to be like, as she is not a complete human being without his input.

You must be a tad concerned or you wouldn’t be asking the question. I agree with the others, run

Block, delete, no contact.

Gross!
I agree with pp, he's grooming you.
If he was upfront about how weird or horrid or abuse he was, you'd block him. He's biding his time, however be under no illusion, he's still a weirdo/horrid/abuser

@Freshstart2020, please stick to your plan not to return his texts. Block him. He will undoubtedly keep trying to reach you, acting hurt/broken-hearted that you've cut contact.

Every extra detail you post about him makes him sound worse and worse - it's made me feel sick and anxious just reading the shit he's hitting you with and your openness to a possible relationship with him.

Please read and re-read the wise advice you've received on this thread. Don't get into anything with this man. Be on your own for a bit, read the recommended books, get therapy - whatever you need to do. Until you're happier in your own skin and able to make relationship choices from a position of strength, you're in grave danger of making bad decisions you will come to regret.