My mum has turned into a racist, advice please

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

I suspect its because of the man she's now with, and she's easily led/a bit simple/believes posts from Britain First on FB/lives a fairly small life.

For context, I had a wonderful childhood and there was no hint of any racism at all. Its all come about after my Dad died a few years ago; she seems to have developed these views.

I find it disgusting, but also incredibly frustrating as she cant seem to think for herself (this unfortunately has been a lifelong trait, she seems to adopt views of people she spends a lot of time with and tends to be very changeable). My Dad was a very measured man, and racist views were never given any entertainment.

Im embarrassed to go out with her in public because of her remarks, its horrible. Im just so so sad about it all.

Does anyone have any advice please?

Middle class white stupidity at its finest.

That’s very presumptuous and narrow minded of you, to think that posters who don’t like the use of dehumanising language historically used towards people with SEN, are white and middle classed. I have not suggested that using the word 'simple' is as bad as racism I have suggested that it is offensive, but you’re the one making comparisons. I thought we were trying to encourage respectful, dignified and equal treatment for all, but as usual people with SEN get sent right to the bottom of the list, on MN.

@LilyJade

You have a colleague that posts Nazi support on her FB page?

That is an offence and you should report to HR

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily what's your agenda exactly?

Yeah, I dont know how to search post histories but a simple google search shows @T0tallyFuckedUpFamily posting in threads, with titles containing the words 'dumb" or 'stupid' without raising the issue of ableist language.

Coming down very hard on an OP that's being critical of racism though...

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily what's your agenda exactly?

I don’t have an agenda. Don’t be ridiculous. I simply don’t like terms being expressed, that have been traditionally used to dehumanise people with SEN. Why would that suggest I have an agenda? You might as well ask those that think such terms are so ingrained in language, why they’re so keen to excuse ableist terms? Do you think they have an agenda? We have a difference of opinions, I doubt there’s and agenda on either side.

I hate racism and I would never excuse it, but that doesn’t mean I should then accept those other offensive terms. I don’t feel I’m superior to anyone, including the OP, but I’m not going to let that language slide.

Coming down very hard on an OP that's being critical of racism though Since you’ve been so offended by my pointing out ableist language, that you’ve searched my posting history, could you please point out where I’ve ever implied or suggested racism is acceptable. I’m happy to wait.

It's just strange that you're coming down very hard on this particular OP for using ableist language whereas, on other threads, you dont appear to bat an eyelid.

Never mind. I’ve explained why I feel the way I do, but some of you are determined to twist that into being an ‘agenda’ and are now going down the route of suggesting that I’m racist, even though I’ve been made it plain I don’t accept racism in any form. I’ve not once made excuses for the OP’s mother. However some of you are incapable of thinking that a person can think that both racism and ableism unacceptable. I’m just repeating myself at this stage. I’ll leave you all to it. You can continue patting each other on the back now that you’ve convinced each other that ableist language is none existent on this thread.

I think they've been very clear in asking why you've come down so hard here where as on previous threads you dont seem to have minded so much.

You havent answered that, so you wouldnt be repeating yourself.

It's just strange that you're coming down very hard on this particular OP for using ableist language whereas, on other threads, you dont appear to bat an eyelid

Don’t make excuses for trying to suggest I have some racist agenda. As anyone can see, I’m a prolific poster and I don’t name change, so you’d be doing well to search my many posts. You’re not actually interested in looking through my posts to see if I’ve asked people to stop using ableist language because that doesn’t fit your agenda.

I don't believe you have a racist agenda, but I also dont believe you're anything approaching consistent in calling out ableist language, yet you've decided to make a big issue of it in this thread.

I also think your comment that the OP needs to better educate herself about language which might be considered ableist before she dares call out her mother's racism is ridiculous. Must we all pass some sort of language-use purity test before we dare challenge overt and intentional racism?

Well I haven't read through any of @T0tallyFuckedUpFamily other posts and frankly I cant be bothered to. But I dont see it as unreasonable or having an agenda to call someone out for their inappropriate use of language when the OP is all about the inappropriate use of language used by her mother

That's if you dont see any distinction between repeatedly and deliberately making offensive and prejudicial statements and accidentally using language that some consider outdated.

To revive the example from the last page, its line saying Beyonce shouldn't be allowed to call out racism because she used the word 'Crazy' in a song title and that's ableist language.

Well no, i'm talking about my mothers racist attitude. The language she uses is a symptom of this.

The language I used offended some, but I am in no way bigoted or prejudiced against those with SEN. So my language is not symptom of my beliefs. Whereas my mothers is.

I feel theres a big difference here.

@lovemenorca
It's difficult because she (my colleague) basically posted a speech by the leader of the German afd party about Brexit.
My colleague is a Brexiter.
I wrote under the post do you realise the afd are the new German Nazi party & are linked to the actual old Nazis?
She replied, I don't care, I agree with what they say about Brexit.

Now, she's FB friends with our managers as well as all my other colleagues.
I don't want to fall out with her despite hating her ideas, because I have to work in a close team with her.
So, I just unfollowed her.
If she posts any more shite by Nazis I won't know so it won't upset me.

If our managers have a problem with it they can report her to HR.
Problem is they are not politically knowledgeable either & when I spoke to one of them she'd never heard of the afd.
To be fair I doubt my Brexiter colleague had any idea whose speech she was sharing, all she knew was that she agreed with it.
Plus the afd party are legal in Germany so is sharing their stuff an offence anyway??

I think we digressed a bit into a general discussion on what is and isn't intentional racism in older people. Partly my fault, sorry.
Obviously the things your mum are saying at present are not on OP. But as you've said yourself she's easily influenced in thought, I would think if you explained to her why those things are a problem you should be able to influence her yourself.

I would say when challenging someone who is possibly parroting the belief system of someone else, without having thought it through, just challenging them won't help them think more clearly. Rather if you can calmly show her other perspectives as positive examples, that might work.
Also maybe get her to see it from someone else's perspective. If she says all Asian people smell like curry ask her how she feels about it being said that Westerners smell like sour milk because of eating dairy. (which I've heard said). What about the vegans or those that don't eat dairy for other reasons? Even if they do isn't it rude to point it out?