My mum has turned into a racist, advice please

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

I suspect its because of the man she's now with, and she's easily led/a bit simple/believes posts from Britain First on FB/lives a fairly small life.

For context, I had a wonderful childhood and there was no hint of any racism at all. Its all come about after my Dad died a few years ago; she seems to have developed these views.

I find it disgusting, but also incredibly frustrating as she cant seem to think for herself (this unfortunately has been a lifelong trait, she seems to adopt views of people she spends a lot of time with and tends to be very changeable). My Dad was a very measured man, and racist views were never given any entertainment.

Im embarrassed to go out with her in public because of her remarks, its horrible. Im just so so sad about it all.

Does anyone have any advice please?

'Simple' isnt an ableist insult for crying out loud. Maybe stick to 'subtitles are racist' conversations on Twitter if the real world is a bit too much for you. Every. single. pissing. thread somebody flies in going off about 'SNs'.

'Dim-witted' is probably worse than 'simple'

FFS! Seriously OP, do you seriously think think dim-witted is any better. You would be better trying to educate yourself, before you start trying to call your mother out on her attitude.

Loving the apology, that isn’t actually an apology.
I’m sorry that you felt I hurt you when I kicked you, reads very differently from, I’m sorry I hurt you.

Wasnt saying that about you, OP

Every. single. pissing. thread somebody flies in going off about 'SNs'.

Are we only permitted to be offended by certain things? Would you like to post a list, so we know who we’re supposed to support? Those awful people, standing up for vulnerable members of society, how terribly inconsiderate of us to soil your fun.

Spoil*

what phrase would you like me to use?

@Letsallscreamatthesistene
Do get off your high horse. Ableist language is pretty ingrained to the point where it's often necessary to research etymology before you can safely use language that has been in every-day use for generations, and typically to describe someone being unintelligent or disingenuous other than as a slur.

I dont think someone who accidentally uses ableist language, not realizing it to be ableist, should be prohibited from calling out racism.

By all means educate but the rage, condemnation and purity tests are too much.

I don’t understand why people are having a go at the OP

Hands up, I didnt know “dim witted” had become unacceptable. Not terribly polite of course.

Anyway, OP, I feel for you. I would ask your mum where she gets her information. Is she on the Telegram app by any chance? I’ve broken off a friendship with someone who gets all sorts of shot from there. I’m not white and she’s so anti everyone it’s clearly just a matter of time before she dehumanises me.

Just realized I @'d the OP by mistake. Meant to direct that at @T0tallyFuckedUpFamily

So brave for protecting the world from words like 'simple'.

You can claim to be offended by whatever you like, dont get upset when people call you ridiculous. You arnt morally superior to anybody because of it.

Dim witted is fine. Some people have dim wits. Or is it now 'ableist' to recognise the basic fact some people are unintelligent?

Does that mean I can start using the racist, homophobic language that is pretty ingrained to the point where it's often necessary to research etymology before you can safely use language that has been in every-day use for generations? Is that ok with all of those that see no problem in using language that dehumanises those with SEN?

Moral superiority doesn’t come into it. Decency does. That obviously passes some posters by.

Yes Ablesist language is pretty ingrained. And attitudes. As someone who is disabled, with a disabled DD I see this on a regular basis.
So is sexist language - grow a pair, wearing the pants, ballsy, working mother, drama queen, catty, bitchy, fish-wife, dizzy, blonde, career woman, yummy mummy, little old lady, frumpy, mummy blogger, female engineer, and that's without the ones that are at least becoming more widely unacceptable like slut, trollop, big-girls blouse etc.
But for some of the older generation some racist language is ingrained and not recognised. Yes I think it's worth pointing it out when you see it, and explaining if someone doesn't understand and is willing to listen, but some older people genuinely don't get it. And yes I expect some don't want to. But I often see the 'word-police' coming down heavily on one kind of bigotry without even noticing another.

But I agree with BananaTaffy that the rage, condemnation and purity tests are too much.

Obviously some people from Western Asia can swim, but is it not the case that a very large proportion cannot?

I live in an area with a large West Asian population, and in the women only swimming sessions literally nobody swims. The women stand in the pool socialising.

I’m not criticising that - it’s a valid use of the pool, but it certainly gives the impression that the majority do not want to or cannot swim.

In mixed sessions there are some West Asian men who are attempting to teach themselves to swim, so I’m assuming many cannot.

Yeah go ahead, let people know you think using the word 'simple' is as bad as racism. Middle class white stupidity at its finest.

65 is not old and I dont think this age can excuse this behaviour
Quite! I'm nearly 65 and I would not tolerate this kind of remark.

“A bit simple”

To me means - Doesn’t look at issues closely. Takes things at face value. Easily led. Easily influenced. Low IQ

Sounds like the OP’s mother.

The racism is not listed as a feature of being “a bit simple”. However the fact that “easily influenced” is one of the features would likely make someone in a relationship with a racist, assume those views.

Absolutely nothing offensive in Op using “a bit simple”

Yes all racists are dim wits. They might think they’re not, might have degrees and VIP jobs and so try to justify their thicko views; but it takes a very thick sort of person to make comments like OP’s mum is and that probably won’t change. OP needs to consider whether it’s worth keeping in contact.

It interests me that people think ostracism is the answer to wrong-thinking. People with racist, homophobic, sexist, and any other unacceptable views will not change just because you refuse to speak to them. Shouldn’t we seek to illuminate and educate rather than dissociating ourselves altogether from people we disagree with?

* Shouldn’t we seek to illuminate and educate rather than dissociating ourselves altogether from people we disagree with?*

That is a big assumption - that a racist is open to be educated and illuminated!

“ Shouldn’t we seek to illuminate and educate rather than dissociating ourselves altogether from people we disagree with?”

This is really complex. I think maybe it depends how far gone you feel the person is. I had a couple of people say to me “your friend can’t really be racist because she’s friends with you” but I don’t agree, I think she’s going down a really scary path.

If it’s a parent and you’re close to them, then maybe worth a try but but maybe not...depends on so many things.

My sister in law is very racist and I find it hard to deal with. Says stuff like she agrees with Boris about his "letter box" comments regarding women in burqas. They shouldn't be allowed to wear them. Will leave a venue if she thinks there's too many Asians there, etc. Makes nasty comments about black people on the public eye.

If she was my Sister I would say something but as she's my SIL I don't feel I can.

viva will leave a venue? So if she’s bought a cinema ticket and doesn’t like the racial makeup of the audience...?!

Is there ever a pleasant way of saying that someone is not the brightest really.
I don't think there is.
But it's a fact that not everyone is academically intelligent, not everyone has 'common sense', & not everyone is emotionally intelligent.
Some people may be intelligent in one way but not another. Some of the cleverest people have no common sense.

However some people take everything they are told at face value & have no critical thinking skills. I think it sounds like OPs mum is like this.

I'm sorry to say I have at least two young colleagues like this. They cannot think critically as they have never been taught to do so. It's very frustrating. One of them shares Nazi shit on her FB so I unfollowed her.

Racists I find tend either to be 'not bright' & therefore easily influenced, or they tend to be very intelligent & good at influencing others.
Never fall into the trap of laughing at fascists & thinking they're all stupid because unfortunately they're not.

Re being 65 - my older colleagues in that age group all have to obey equal opportunities guidelines & get taught about diversity.
Being that age is NO excuse.