to think that DH should be able to sleep with me having my bedside light on?

[DataColour]

Or AIBU?

DH wants all bedroom lights off by 11pm on the dot. Whereas I sometimes wish to have my bedside light on and read for awhile longer. He says he is too tired to stay up later, which is fine, but AIBU to think that he should be able to sleep even if I've got my bedside light on?
If I am as tired as he claims to be I can just go to sleep by turning my bedside light off, even if he has his light on. He got me one of those lights that fix on to your book, but apparently even that light is too bright. He won't even tolerate my phone light (I might occassionally use my phone if he doesn't want my bedside light on).

Some days I'm just not tired enough to just turn the lights off and go to sleep at 11pm. He thinks if I want to read I should be doing that downstairs, but that's just not the same.

I imagine I am being unreasonable, but I just don't get that much of time to myself (don't get to relax till gone 9.30, with kids and housework etc).
We both wake up at about the same time...7.15ish.

I can't sleep with a light on either. I sympathise with him.

Audio book?
Read downstairs until he is asleep then slink into bed and read for the last 10 minutes on a kindle or with the book light?

Even when I'm exhausted I cant sleep properly with any kind of light on and neither can my OH, if it was like 8pm then I'd say no my light can stay on a bit it's not late (unless he is on a 4am start the next day then I would go down stairs and let him sleep) but at 11pm if I wanted light on a bit longer I'd go downstairs or in another room as I wouldn't want to be kept up after 11pm if I was tired and working the next morning. Maybe if it's that late, you go have a little read in another room and let him get to sleep. It works for us and neither is kept awake

I can't sleep with any light, but I also can't sleep in silence, so I got imitation airpods and listen to an audio book or meditation session from Insight Timer. Suggest an eye mask but if that is a no go, just go up before him to read

Can’t you read/look at phone in a comfy chair elsewhere and then go to bed when you’re ready to go to sleep?

As has been pointed out, the problem with that is that you get nice and sleepy whilst reading, then wake up in the process of going to bed.

You should stay downstairs until you’re ready.

Get a book light or even better a lighted kindle and stop being rude.

@PurpleArtichoke, it might be polite to bother to read the OP's first post properly - you know, the one where she says she's tried a book light without success.

I think his 11pm strict lights out is ott but I can’t sleep unless completely darkness either so a yabu and he is being Ott .

I really think you should read somewhere else. Unless your husband is a house husband, he needs his rest to relax, refresh and recharge. After 11pm, there should be no light on at all. Total darkness and its accompanying OFF signal helps promote deep sleep. A good night's sleep helps fight off dementia and promotes good mental health.

When you're exposed to light at night, your body's circadian rhythm is thrown off. ... Light exposure before or during bedtime can make it difficult to fall and stay asleep because your brain won't make enough sleep-inducing melatonin.

11 Sep 2019

Sleeping with the Lights On: What It Could Mean for Your Health
www.healthline.com › health › sleeping-with-the-lights-on

www.sleep.org/articles/using-a-nightlight/

OK, he's not exposed to light the whole night, but psychologically, he's not at total relaxation because of what you're doing.

I must say, I'm going to go home and apologise to DH for under-appreciating him. He sleeps happily despite me beside him reading, typing , messing around and watching TV programmes on the laptop - though I do use earphones for TV programmes. The man's obviously a saint.

iem028, how does the absolute ban on light work at 4.30 a.m. in June?

I have blackout blinds and blackout curtains, which help in the summer. Also I'm not trying to fall asleep.

I hate the summer though, and the light evenings is one reason.

I can't sleep when DH is reading with the side light on unfortunately

YABU, beds are for sleeping.

It might not the light as such though he may think it is. It could be he finds it difficult to sleep because he knows your not and are still mentally active so he can't quite 'turn off'.

That might sound a little odd but if you think of it as 2 people who are attuned to each other it makes more sense.

The man's obviously a saint.

.......or he just can sleep through alot?

Yabu

Equanimitas You've got a SAINT here. I have heavy duty curtains. I even stitched a piece of dark material inside my curtains. My son said we should move with them. LOL! My curtain rails fell down quite a few times. I managed to used some filler to make sure the nails stay in place!

Perhaps a book light would work www.amazon.co.uk/Book-Bookmark-Booklights-Birthday-Christmas/dp/B01N2NOMB2?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

YABU

Your husband needs his sleep so you need to read somewhere else if you having the light on keeps him awake!

but a light would bother me. It stimulates melatonin which is a hormone that tells your body to stay awake.
No melatonin is a hormone that tells your body to sleep.

He sleeps happily despite me beside him reading, typing , messing around and watching TV programmes on the laptop - though I do use earphones for TV programmes. The man's obviously a saint.

My DH does the same. It doesn't make him a saint though, he's just very lucky not to struggle with poor sleep. He's asleep within seconds of his head hitting the pillow every night, can sleep on the sofa with the TV blaring, will sleep in the garden no matter how loud or hot it is.

That's just who he is. He's not a saint because of it, he's just lucky!

I think if you do sleep easily then you can find it hard to appreciate that not everyone is the same way.

Equanimitas I must say, I'm going to go home and apologise to DH for under-appreciating him. He sleeps happily despite me beside him reading, typing , messing around and watching TV programmes on the laptop - though I do use earphones for TV programmes. The man's obviously a saint.

Same here, although I probably won't as he will be confused as to why it is worthy of such high praise.

Lights bother me but more if I can’t sleep in the middle of the night. If I’m tired at night it doesn’t matter unless it’s in my eyeline.

This is one if the reasons my parents sleep in different rooms.