to think that DH should be able to sleep with me having my bedside light on?

[DataColour]

Or AIBU?

DH wants all bedroom lights off by 11pm on the dot. Whereas I sometimes wish to have my bedside light on and read for awhile longer. He says he is too tired to stay up later, which is fine, but AIBU to think that he should be able to sleep even if I've got my bedside light on?
If I am as tired as he claims to be I can just go to sleep by turning my bedside light off, even if he has his light on. He got me one of those lights that fix on to your book, but apparently even that light is too bright. He won't even tolerate my phone light (I might occassionally use my phone if he doesn't want my bedside light on).

Some days I'm just not tired enough to just turn the lights off and go to sleep at 11pm. He thinks if I want to read I should be doing that downstairs, but that's just not the same.

I imagine I am being unreasonable, but I just don't get that much of time to myself (don't get to relax till gone 9.30, with kids and housework etc).
We both wake up at about the same time...7.15ish.

Get him to buy you a backlit kindle

Or, you know, buy one yourself

Last time I wore an eye mask I found it annoying. Is it something that you get used to?

No - I never did

I find it almost impossible to sleep without it being very dark and very quiet. My partner and I don’t share a room because he likes to go to bed late and read for a while. I need the light off by 11 and quiet. Can’t you read/look at phone in a comfy chair elsewhere and then go to bed when you’re ready to go to sleep?

You can read elsewhere. Do that and let him sleep.

Why is everyone missing the bit where she said she only reads a couple of times a week? That means she doesn't need it to fall asleep.
He needs darkness to fall asleep every day.

He's not going to be on garden leave forever, either. It makes sense to stay in a routine until he's back at work or he'll really struggle when he goes back

I'm also with your husband, I couldn't fall asleep with the light on.

He may be unreasonable in other ways, but in this one it's you. Buy a kindle or read downstairs.

I’d be really annoyed with you and I think you should sleep in another room if you want the light on. I had the best sleep ever in Iceland when it was pitch black and felt so relaxed. Why should you keep him awake?

You could try an eye mask but if that doesn't work or he can't sleep with it on (I couldn't) then you need to go elsewhere. I really struggle to fall asleep. My husband is out like a light. He can't fall asleep at your behest just by will power. It will either bother him or it won't. If he can't sleep and needs to you need to respect that and read elsewhere. Sleep is the main building block of good health and needs to be respected. Not allowing someone to sleep is used as torture for a reason! And not allowing your partner to sleep could be considered abusive. You should never disrupt someone's sleep.

Myself and my partner sleep in separate rooms as he snores and I struggle to sleep. Could you do that on occasion as you can then read and he can sleep when he wants.

Are you Meghan Markle btw, sounds like something she’d do to that sad sap Harry?!!

I had exactly this problem. We have spent the last year in separate rooms which is bliss!

I was sick to death of being told to turn the light off. Reading is part of my wind down and most enjoyable part of my day. He should not dictate if you can read or not and likewise he should be allowed darkness if he really can't cope with the glow of a kindle. I also hated the fact my husband would routinely 'toilet' at 4 am and double flush the loo (as if this was less irritating than a side light?!)

Totally incompatible to be in the same room - lucky we had a spare room.....so I took the initiative to move out.

I cannot sleep with lights around. If you want to read before you sleep (or use the phone in my DP's case), he gets under the covers about an hour earlier so we can all sleep when it's time to sleep.

Sorry OP but this would drive me mad. You don't need to read in bed - let him sleep and read downstairs instead.

I can't sleep unless it is totally dark. I also can't sleep on 'planes, sitting up, in the middle of the day, in somewhere new. I am absolutely shit at sleeping and yet I need loads of it!

I have an eye mask (which took some getting used to as it felt quite claustrophobic at first) and I have blackout blinds and curtains. The eye mask is great once you get used to it as it's portable so I can take it on holiday or when I stay in hotels for work.

I'm currently suffering from hot flashes and night anxiety which is causing me to wake several times in the night and means I want to go to sleep even earlier to try and get enough sleep at the moment! DP only seems to need about 5 hours sleep whereas I like at least 7 (8 would be lovely )

We need to swap husbands - I have EXACTLY the same issue - I too have paper thin eyelids, even with my eyes closed I can see the flashing light on the toothbrush as it charges. it is no fun, in my case I suffer with insomnia too so something that makes it even harder to get to sleep gives me the rage.

I like to read for 10 minutes every night - I have a kindle paperwhite on a low setting and lie on my side and DH finds that ok.

This is why when I move in with my partner I'm going to have my own room. I'm the reader. I can't just go to bed. Sometimes I'll be dropping off on the sofa and by the time I've done my teeth etc I'm awake again so reading downstairs wouldn't work for me.

What the heck is "gardening leave"?

I love my Kindle Paperlight for this reason.

What the heck is "gardening leave"?

Paid work suspension to prevent the person from having access to the company's data or to prevent them from being able to make decisions.

I'm quite bemused by all the people who need total darkness to sleep

Perhaps as bemused as I am by the people who cannot sleep unless they read to sleep

@Durgasarrow garden leave - when you hand your notice in to leave your job your employer can decide they don't want you there for your notice period so you basically don't work your notice period but can't work for any one else either. You get paid full pay.

I'm quite bemused by all the people who need total darkness to sleep. How do you manage in houses or hotels on roads with streetlamps? How do you manage when it starts getting light at 4 am?

@Equanimitas

Speaking from personal experience, I massively struggle and sleep much less in the summer months. It's no fun. Sleeping tablets help but my GP is reluctant to prescribe them regularly because of how addictive they are. I do take zopiclone when it gets bad though.

I also struggle to sleep in strange places - especially hotels or holiday cottages, especially if they don't have decent blinds or curtains over the windows.

It's shit and I'd do anything to just be able to sleep regardless, but in 31 years that's never happened! That's the reality for lots of people who struggle to sleep, unfortunately.

Oh phones at night - that weird changing disruptive glow that is more disturbing even than a low sidelight.

Perfectly reasonable to ask for lights out. If you want to read, go downstairs!

Why is everyone missing the bit where she said she only reads a couple of times a week? That means she doesn't need it to fall asleep.

No, it means she sometimes needs it to fall asleep. Sometimes I'm stress free and can fall asleep easily. Sometimes things are churning in my mind and I need a way to wind down before I fall asleep.