to think that DH should be able to sleep with me having my bedside light on?

[DataColour]

Or AIBU?

DH wants all bedroom lights off by 11pm on the dot. Whereas I sometimes wish to have my bedside light on and read for awhile longer. He says he is too tired to stay up later, which is fine, but AIBU to think that he should be able to sleep even if I've got my bedside light on?
If I am as tired as he claims to be I can just go to sleep by turning my bedside light off, even if he has his light on. He got me one of those lights that fix on to your book, but apparently even that light is too bright. He won't even tolerate my phone light (I might occassionally use my phone if he doesn't want my bedside light on).

Some days I'm just not tired enough to just turn the lights off and go to sleep at 11pm. He thinks if I want to read I should be doing that downstairs, but that's just not the same.

I imagine I am being unreasonable, but I just don't get that much of time to myself (don't get to relax till gone 9.30, with kids and housework etc).
We both wake up at about the same time...7.15ish.

I find it hard to sleep with the light on. Ideally DH would have the TV on too but I put a stop to that! I bought him a reading light which has a really dim setting which isn't too bad.
I understand your frustration though as I love reading in bed too.

Making your husband go to sleep with a pillow over his head so you can watch TV is far more selfish! That's awful!

YANBU - I think your DH is being selfish. My DH puts his pillow over his head because I watch TV in bed to help me sleep (because of the light). My compromise is to turn the sound off and just have subtitles. Marriage should be compromise on both sides in an ideal world.

OP read that and you'll be certain YABU.
What kind of person makes their DH go to sleep with a pillow on their head as a 'compromise'?

Get a bloody plug in night light if you need light that badly.

@CosmoK - For your information my husband started putting the pillow over his head himself. He likes it, he says he gets to sleep in no time and finds it comforting.
Don't jump to conclusions.

It's still so selfish. No need to jump to conclusions.

@GiveHerHellFromUs - What the actual fuck?? "What kind of person makes their DH go to sleep with a pillow on their head as a 'compromise'?"
I DON'T make my DH do anything, he does it of his own accord. If the TV being on with no sound disturbed him he would soon tell me. End of story.

@CosmoK - You are jumping to conclusions. I've just explained our situation, it's up to you if you want to listen.

I'm flabbergasted by the responses on this thread and how many people claim they can only sleep in pitch darkness and/or silence. Really? Do you all live in the depths of the countryside?

Lots of people just seriously struggle to sleep. I used to use earplugs but they caused me huge problems with impacted wax and ear infections/temporary deafness so they're no longer an option. We also had to buy expensive blackout blinds for our bedroom because the streetlights/car lights/sun kept me awake/woke me up on a daily basis.

Occasionally I stay at my parents due to work and I never sleep as well there as they don't have blackout blinds and the natural light wakes me up - it's worse in summer and I often only get 5-6 hours sleep, which is fine for one night, but when it happens regularly it has a real negative impact on my health.

I've struggled with poor sleep my entire life. I've tried everything - gravity blankets, cutting out caffeine, more exercise, less exercise, reading before bed, no TV/phones before bed, sleep apps, audio books - the lot. They often work for a night or two, then become ineffective and I'm back to square one.

At the moment I can get a decent night's sleep with two covers (gravity blanket plus regular duvet) and a blackout blind but it's still not perfect and it doesn't always work either.

If you're lucky enough to be able to fall asleep with light/sound/distractions then count yourself very lucky! Going without sleep because minor things like that keep you awake is horrible.

Well it clearly is disturbing him because he’s putting a pillow on his head

@paranoidmum2 - Re: The pillow over the head thing. Trust me it's no big deal.
To make it clear:
DH has done this for years, it's also to block out any noise in the house I.e. creaky floorboards, any noises whatsoever when he is drifting off to sleep bother him so it is for this reason too.
My DH knows his own mind and does what he wants, he is not being told to do the pillow thing, it's his choice. That's it. End of. Let's all move on and concentrate on OP's post.

I put a pillow over my head to get back to sleep on the mornings I get a lie in so I don't hear the noise of the children - makes me fall asleep really deeply, quite nice.

@Natsku - Thank you, it's not unheard of then! Plus it is your own choice just like my DH. He does it all the time even when I'm not in bed I.e. if he goes for a nap.

Well if Mr PillowHead is doing it because he likes it, it's not a compromise then. And it doesn't make Mr LightsOut selfish for not doing it.

I can't sleep wiht a light on.
Fortunately dh can, as I tend to read later.
I also love to relax in bed with my book, and would hate to go downstairs.

But I think that if he can't manage anything, not even yoru phone light, and but implication not even a kindle, then you have no choice bu to read elsewhere.

My OH was like this - claimed he couldn’t sleep with even the red standby light from the TV! ( but he would happily fall asleep downstairs on the sofa watching a film!!)

After many years he has now realised that he can actually fall asleep with the tv/light etc on in the bedroom it was just how he was conditioned to fall asleep as a child making him think he couldn’t .

I hot around it by using audio books and earphones. DH can sleep with lights on. I cant the slightest thing and I'm awake and although he says it's fine I always turn the light out.

I'm flabbergasted by the responses on this thread and how many people claim they can only sleep in pitch darkness and/or silence. Really? Do you all live in the depths of the countryside?

no, busy town, but we have double galzing, and good curtains. There is a huge difference between a bit of light leaking round good curtains and a light switched on by though!

And in the summer, I pretty much wake up when the sun comes up, I find it really hard to sleep on once it is light.

This is why we have separate rooms, sharing always leads to someone being pissed off!
But sleep trumps reading, sorry!

Stars? Moon? Sun coming up early in summer?

Well stars can only be seen properly when we have dark skies - it's why there are now designated dark sky areas. You have to be looking up at them to see them. On a clear night it can still be dark enough that human eyes can't effectively see anything, certainly not by the light the stars give off.

Moonlight varies quite a bit according to cloud cover and mainly moon phase. I struggle to sleep when there is a full moon. Historically we travelled more when there was moonlight because it does help, but it's still little compared to the sun. The article I linked to a way back states 'On a sunny summer day, your environment might be in the range of 150,000 lux. ... At night when darkness falls, lux values plummet. The moon generates values under a single lux.'

And as I and others have explained, historically we slept more in winter when it's darker, less in the summer.

I'm flabbergasted by the responses on this thread and how many people claim they can only sleep in pitch darkness and/or silence. Really? Do you all live in the depths of the countryside?.
Yes.

I get light induced migraines if my room isn’t pitch black. I use sleeping masks, but they often come off in the night. I have true blackout shades on my windows. No light gets into my room at night. I recently splurged and had new motorized shades installed like in the movie The Holiday because I was tired of my room being a cave during the day since opening the blackout curtains was a pain.

When I travel I stay in big hotels which almost always have very thick curtains and I bring clips to seal any cracks.

So yes, my room really is totally dark.

I cannot sleep with any light on. I remember dh once came to bed with his laptop when we had a newborn I was getting up with.
I went mad. Even in that exhausted state, I couldn’t sleep with any light.

I use a kindle or a clip on reading light for actual books if dh wants to sleep.

Drives me nuts when my DH does this... you can read kindle on your phone with the background black and the text white... so let's out much less light....
DH reads with a headlight too ... and falls asleep, turns towards me and the thing is then full on in my face and that's the end of me sleeping for the night.... I'm up 2-3 hours before him...

Could you read in the bath? My hour in a bubble bath with a book just before bed is my favourite part of the day!

YABU. Buy him and eyemask. Insist he gives it a couple of weeks to get used to it. If that's no good, then you'll have to read elsewhere. Or sleep separately.