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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend shoplifts. Wwyd?

173 replies

recklessruby · 09/01/2020 10:57

My friend is 40 and works part time at our local school. I also work there and we need to have clean criminal records (DBS check every few years).
Recently she has been coming into work with small things like cakes and chocolates which she happily says she stole from a local supermarket. She brags about how easy it is to do. It s like it makes her so happy to get this stuff for free even though her salary is not bad and she has savings. She admits she can afford it.
I m getting really worried that her luck is going to run out and she will be caught but she wont listen and says she knows where all the cameras are!
I m not going to report her or anything, she s a good friend but wwyd ?

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 09/01/2020 21:46

It’s pretty ridiculous to shoplift when you don’t need to too.

AlwaysThinkingOfNames · 09/01/2020 22:08

Just because she steals from shops doesn’t mean she will steal friends/colleagues personal belongings!
That’s ridiculous to connect the two! It’s totally different.

Of course it's not. A thief is a thief and can not be trusted around other peoples possessions.

Dustarr73 · 10/01/2020 14:00

Just because she steals from shops doesn’t mean she will steal friends/colleagues personal belongings!

I wouldnt be chancing it anyway

Equanimitas · 10/01/2020 14:01

Would you want to risk your personal belongings round someone with these standards of honesty, @Wowwe?

Somanysocks · 10/01/2020 16:44

Someone who happily steals from shops has very blurred moral lines so she probably would steal from anyone if it gave her a thrill.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 10/01/2020 16:54

maybe call and say they need to be on the watch for thieves as we think there have been incidents involving people from our school?

The shop would surely assume that you’re referencing school pupils rather than staff. Also if she doesn’t wear a uniform or anything that relates her to the school, how is the shop supposed to know where she works and therefore be on the lookout? They’ll just assume she’s any random woman.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 10/01/2020 16:55

I also wouldn’t trust a known shoplifter around my belongings, theft is theft

BlaueLagune · 10/01/2020 17:06

I disagree. Shoplifting is considered to be a victimless crime, the shops can afford it etc.

Stealing from a colleague or friend is far more personal.

I don't think you can make the leap at all.

BlaueLagune · 10/01/2020 17:08

Why do you think she should have any involvement in teaching children

She's not teaching the children to shoplift. Don't be so sanctimonious. That attitude is precisely why I am against full DBS checks. They should only show up violent/sexual crime for schools. The fact that someone has been dishonest does not affect their ability to teach or work with children and we need people in work not claiming benefits because of sanctimony.

redbullgivesyouflings · 10/01/2020 17:14

I disagree. Shoplifting is considered to be a victimless crime, the shops can afford it etc.

I disagree. Not all shops are major retailers and there are many family or local run businesses that are already struggling in this current climate of online shopping and chain stores.

AlwaysThinkingOfNames · 10/01/2020 17:15

*I disagree. Shoplifting is considered to be a victimless crime, the shops can afford it etc.

Stealing from a colleague or friend is far more personal.

I don't think you can make the leap at all.*

Shoplifting is not a victimless crime. It pushes up the prices and affects us all. And the mindset of all stealing is the same: This does not belong to me but I am entitled to take it anyway.

redbullgivesyouflings · 10/01/2020 17:16

The fact that someone has been dishonest does not affect their ability to teach or work with children and we need people in work not claiming benefits because of sanctimony.

Wow talk about low bars!

Somanysocks · 10/01/2020 17:19

I disagree. Shoplifting is considered to be a victimless crime, the shops can afford it etc.

Hardly victimless as we all pay for a shop's losses in higher prices. That seems to be conveniently glossed over by thieves.

Somanysocks · 10/01/2020 17:21

Am amazed at people defending common thieves.

redbullgivesyouflings · 10/01/2020 17:24

Am amazed at people defending common thieves.

I once read a post on here ages ago where someone said that shoplifting is okay because these are people making a profit from goods that are necessary to survive! You cannot make this shit up.

redbullgivesyouflings · 10/01/2020 17:24

*necessary for survival

HollowTalk · 10/01/2020 17:29

Someone I know got caught in Asda a long time ago. She was stopped at the till (she had put a reduced ticket price onto something) - apparently they'd been watching her go around the store. Security guards came to the till and walked her through the store (that's what she found the most embarrassing thing as she didn't know whether people she knew would see her.)

They then called the police. She was offered a caution but kept denying she'd done anything wrong. In the end she was taken to the police station, put into a cell. She was interviewed again and she was given the recording, which I heard later. Eventually she admitted she'd taken the sticker off one thing and stuck it onto another - immediately the interview ended and she was charged.

This was about 20+ years ago and with the fine and the solicitor's fees it cost her £750. The item's value was about £3.50. There was a little piece about her in the local paper, too.

Your friend really needs to look at the consequences of getting caught - word gets around so quickly. Does she really want people to see her as a thief?

NeurotrashWarrior · 10/01/2020 17:31

I'd actually view her as a potential safeguarding risk working with children as she has the capacity to cross boundaries and also lie. Even if she's lying about the stealing, that's an issue.

I'd mention it in confidence to your safeguarding lead (probably the head). You don't know if any other issues have come to light and it might be relevant.

You need to do this unfortunately as you are culpable now you know this, if there was ever something more serious to happen involving her. You might be asked to give a character reference.

NeurotrashWarrior · 10/01/2020 17:34

I'd also view this as her intimidating you as you feel uncomfortable and clearly are not sure what to do with this knowledge. She's enjoying the power she has over your morals.

managedmis · 10/01/2020 17:34

I used to nick toast from school

DoreenSamuel · 10/01/2020 17:35

If you are a true friend you will not inform her employers. Many comments on here do not show any insight into kleptomania.

She is certainly no more likely to be of any risk surrounding you or the children compared to any other colleague.

NeurotrashWarrior · 10/01/2020 17:37

(I'm a teacher. We've had some training around issues like this as weak boundaries and difficult/ unusual / dominating attitudes to things can cause a whole school culture within which there can be the potential for actual safeguarding issues that harm children arising.)

NeurotrashWarrior · 10/01/2020 17:39

If she was a true friend she wouldn't be putting the op in this situation.

Luckystar777 · 10/01/2020 17:41

She'll eventually get caught. Wherever she does it, they are probably already suspicious of her. She must be really dumb.

NeurotrashWarrior · 10/01/2020 17:46

And I need to add that your employer could discuss the fact that this could be a mental health issue, in which case she needs support. On training things like suspecting alcoholism were discussed.

This isn't necessarily shopping her to the police, it's about protecting yourself, getting help for her and assuring that safeguarding rules are followed.