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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My friend shoplifts. Wwyd?

173 replies

recklessruby · 09/01/2020 10:57

My friend is 40 and works part time at our local school. I also work there and we need to have clean criminal records (DBS check every few years).
Recently she has been coming into work with small things like cakes and chocolates which she happily says she stole from a local supermarket. She brags about how easy it is to do. It s like it makes her so happy to get this stuff for free even though her salary is not bad and she has savings. She admits she can afford it.
I m getting really worried that her luck is going to run out and she will be caught but she wont listen and says she knows where all the cameras are!
I m not going to report her or anything, she s a good friend but wwyd ?

OP posts:

goldenorbspider · 09/01/2020 12:13

Supermarket cctv can tell if your paid with a 1p coin. She'll soon get caught out. Sometimes they bide their time to build up a case

AFistfulofDolores1 · 09/01/2020 12:13

It's probably kleptomania; and if it is, she'll need help to stop. If she even wants help, that is, because it doesn't sound like she does.

Original poster

recklessruby · 09/01/2020 12:14

She is a TA. I have never thought anything of leaving my bag in the staffroom. All it s usually got in is a few pounds of change and my car keys (no she cant drive).

OP posts:

ChocolateTeapots1 · 09/01/2020 12:14

It sounds like she needs help to be honest and before she gets caught and loses her job. It's a mental illness isn't it being addicted to shoplifting (when you don't actually need the items/can afford to pay). I'm not really sure how you suggest she gets help but I think it'd be bad to sit back and wait for her to get caught even if you aren't keen on her as a person. She really could ruin her life here, all for some £1 cupcakes!

FishCanFly · 09/01/2020 12:16

It's quite widely known that many women approaching middle-age/menopause take to shop-lifting,. Might even be a "syndrome". The general belief is, it's for the excitement missing in their lives - in some way it is "winning" when society seems to have written you off.

My close friend has severe MH issues. Kleptomania is one of them. She's under professional care. She always carries a letter with her, so whenever she gets caught, they don't bother with police, just tell her to drop the crap and shoo.

UYScuti · 09/01/2020 12:17

Very weird, I would just keep well away from her in case she tried to implicate me in something

aSofaNearYou · 09/01/2020 12:17

Tbh I wouldn't do anything about this if it's just minor stuff. Not great but not something I would be personally bothered by.

mummaaw · 09/01/2020 12:20

Does she wear a uniform when she does it ?

AmazingGreats · 09/01/2020 12:20

Sometimes the security guards do notice but not worth grabbing somebody over small inconsequential items, then as they get cockier and steal bigger things they build a CCTV based case so that when they do get them it's with multiple cases of bigger items and can actually be convicted, either probation or sent to prison, and not just a slap on the wrist. I met somebody once who thought she could steal perfumes all the time (she was trying to sell my some or see if my friends wanted some) anyway she ended up in prison for about a year, every time she was about to be released they'd send her back to court due to facial recognition and CCTV. I think if the items under a certain amount the police wouldn't be interested, it would just be a ban from the store, but if it's over that amount then it's an imprisonable offence.

As I've heard on here before, please don't deny her her rock bottom . She probably needs to get caught to change

SuperMeerkat · 09/01/2020 12:21

I’m so embarrassed to admit this but my son used to shoplift in Sainsbury’s. It was only sweets and chocolate but he eventually got caught and is now banned even though he thought he knew where the cameras are. I suppose he got complacent. He’s banned from the shop now. They didn’t take further action thank goodness as he was only 15 but the store manager, his headmaster, my husband and I and his grandma all gave him a huge telling off.

SuperMeerkat · 09/01/2020 12:22

She WILL get caught.

Original poster

recklessruby · 09/01/2020 12:23

Thing is I do actually like her a lot. She can be a fun person and a good laugh.
It s only recently she s been doing it and she seems proud of it. She s not listening that it s wrong. She just says oh they wont miss a packet of cakes. It s just two pounds etc.

OP posts:

UYScuti · 09/01/2020 12:25

Tell her straight that she is taking a stupid risk and you don't want to discuss it with her anymore. If she mentions it shut her down and change the subject.

Original poster

recklessruby · 09/01/2020 12:26

@mummaw no she doesn't have a uniform. We wear lanyards with our name and job title with the school logo but she wouldn't be wearing it out of school.

OP posts:

IfThingsComeInThreesWhyThisNow · 09/01/2020 12:28

She WILL get caught. With sticky fingers depending on the cake

BrightYellowDaffodil · 09/01/2020 12:29

I’d leave her to it. You’ve told her that it’s wrong and what she risks, and she’s chosen to ignore you. You can’t help her unless she wants to be helped - there’s nothing to be gained by you worrying about her.

UYScuti · 09/01/2020 12:32

She will start off saying they won't miss a packet of biscuits at only £2 and then she will gradually escalate because getting away with it is obviously a thrill for her, she will become emboldened and she will want a bigger and bigger buzz...

FourTeaFallOut · 09/01/2020 12:33

Just leave her to it. She'll either get caught or she won't or she is lying anyway - you don't have to fix any of the above.

Supersimkin2 · 09/01/2020 12:34

You can bet your bottom dollar the shop knows she is a thief. They're just waiting to get enough on tape to catch her and take her to court.

StillWeRise · 09/01/2020 12:41

she's a TA? so in a position of trust? with access to children?
what are you thinking OP this person shouldn't be in the job she has. Speak to your line manager.

CakeandCustard28 · 09/01/2020 12:43

So you work in a school and she’s bringing in stolen goods? I’d be having a word with someone higher up. It might be two pounds but that soon adds up if she’s doing it regularly!

Original poster

recklessruby · 09/01/2020 12:46

Stillwerise its only over the holidays and the first week of term she s been saying it and showing me the things (and I have worked with her for years).

OP posts:

Bluetrews25 · 09/01/2020 12:48

Is she nicking anything from the school?
Any chance of her getting hands on any of the money that parents pay? Creaming a little off into her account? They might not miss it...

Devereux1 · 09/01/2020 12:49

I'd ask her why she thinks what she's doing is right.
I'd ask her why she wants to increase the costs of good that you pay for, because of her.
I'd ask her what kind of example does she think this behaviour sets for her own children (if she has them) or the pupils at the school where she works.

Original poster

recklessruby · 09/01/2020 12:53

She has no access to school money (that's dealt with in admin office which is always staffed or locked).
She has no dc.

OP posts:

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