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AIBU?

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Original poster

My friend shoplifts. Wwyd?

173 replies

recklessruby · 09/01/2020 10:57

My friend is 40 and works part time at our local school. I also work there and we need to have clean criminal records (DBS check every few years).
Recently she has been coming into work with small things like cakes and chocolates which she happily says she stole from a local supermarket. She brags about how easy it is to do. It s like it makes her so happy to get this stuff for free even though her salary is not bad and she has savings. She admits she can afford it.
I m getting really worried that her luck is going to run out and she will be caught but she wont listen and says she knows where all the cameras are!
I m not going to report her or anything, she s a good friend but wwyd ?

OP posts:
Original poster
recklessruby · 09/01/2020 13:43

Definitely not a reverse. I pointed out DBS checks as it s relevant to school work.
I have said I dont agree with it and she will get into trouble and lose everything. That was when she said about the cameras.
I guess any attention is good if you re looking for it? Even bad attention.

OP posts:
Jumpingforgin · 09/01/2020 13:43

Exactly what @amazinggreats says.... I work in a shop, and we have a lot of "regulars" who do petty theft. The security guard builds up a profile for each of them and notes down everything they take over a longer period, and then when they are finally questioned after there's enough "evidence", as it's multiple incidents equating to a vast sum, the police will act, usually resulting in a ban, fine, and criminal record. We've even had the odd one end up imprisoned and on community service. Likelyhood is the shop are already aware of her, they're just playing the long game to get her in more serious trouble, and hopefully get her banned from the shop. I have no time for thieves. People think it doesn't effect them, but actually, it's the number one reason your shopping bill goes up each year. The shops profits take such a huge hit from petty thefts, and the way in which they recover that, is by passing the cost onto the honest shoppers such as you and me. I'd report her now, so she gets caught with a slap on the wrist before she's in worse more severe trouble tbh.

TheFaerieQueene · 09/01/2020 13:44

@didofido can you credit the study or report you have read to back up your position, or is it just a bit of ageist nonsense?

memberofseven · 09/01/2020 13:50

My mum did this very briefly when going through the menopause. My dad and I were so worried about her as it was so out of character - she would have given anyone her dinner or the clothes off her back and I never knew her to be anything other than scrupulously honest). I think she just felt overlooked in life and wanted something for nothing as she was always a giver (if that makes sense). It didn't last long (and was only ever small cheap things). I think your friend sounds like she needs some help.

Dustarr73 · 09/01/2020 13:52

Its not only about cameras,shop workers may have seen her and reported her to security.

They are just waiting to get her.And she will lose everything,over some poxy cake or some crap.

When i worked in a supermarket,we knew who the thieves where.Shes not invisible.SOmeone has seen her.

Jumpingforgin · 09/01/2020 13:54

Or you could lie just to shit her up a bit... say something like "I went in Sainsburys/Tesco/Morrisons (input shop she steals from) Monday morning, and an employee asked if I knew you... they knew your name. I said yes, thinking they must know you, but then they asked where you worked, and if I worked with you... I think they've seen what you've been doing and are trying to get you in trouble. I obviously didn't say where you worked and just left, but you really need to stop this as they're obviously watching you and someone must have told them your name" then scowly face, and hopefully she'll be scared enough to stop, the thought of them trying to find out who employs her etc might shake her up enough to realise how much is on the line here.

YasssKween · 09/01/2020 13:59

"Ugh don't tell me about it any more or I'll worry about the consequences for you and I've got enough on my plate"

--Though not if your plate is full of cake and she is nearby

Repeat that kind of line if she discusses with you.

She's a TA so she's obviously an otherwise intelligent sensible person who must know the risks.

She's choosing to take those risks. Not your problem, just repeat to her you are worried she will get in trouble. It's easier than giving her a morality speech because she knows it's wrong already, she just doesn't give a shit!

Sorry OP this kind of thing is awkward but you're giving it more headspace than she is by the sounds of it.

If she gets in trouble it's on her.

mencken · 09/01/2020 13:59

not sure why it is necessary to pussyfoot around scum. Perhaps take her purse and chuck it in the nearest canal, see how she likes it.

BlueRussianCat · 09/01/2020 14:03

I wouldn't do anything.

TeachesOfPeaches · 09/01/2020 14:11

She might be lying about stealing , just for attention also OP

BobbyBlueCat · 09/01/2020 14:16

She's a liar and a thief. And committing ILLEGAL acts.

I'd be reporting her to the Police.
I'd report her to the store.
And I CERTAINLY would be telling the school that she's sat at work showing off items she has stolen.

Why do you think she should have any involvement in teaching children?

safariboot · 09/01/2020 14:20

I think I'd tell her she needs to stop that. And if she doesn't, then I think I'd be happy to gossip about it. Maybe not report it as such, but rather casually mentioned it like it's something that doesn't need to be kept secret. Word will spread around soon enough.

BlueRussianCat · 09/01/2020 14:34

I'd be reporting her to the Police.
I'd report her to the store.

Hardly a friend then

BobbyBlueCat · 09/01/2020 14:53

@BlueRussianCat

Nope. Definitely not a friend to someone like that. And proud of it.
Because she forfeited that right when she became a criminal.

Patsypie · 09/01/2020 15:08

Oooh I'd LOVE to know who the famous underwear thief is!

raspberrylipbalm · 09/01/2020 15:12

OP, be careful. This reminds me of a girl I was at school with, who would shoplift in this way, almost for the thrill of it. She wasn't a particular friend of mine but I knew her. Then during university vacations I got a job in a local restaurant, and found she had started working there too. One night the manager called all the bar staff together to say that money had been going missing from the till, and if it kept happening, she would let us all go. This was years ago, so no fancy tills, just ring up the orders and literally put the cash in (or take it out, as was happening). Luckily the warning worked and no more money went missing, but it brought it home to me how easily I could have lost my job, and I have to say I strongly suspected it was this girl. The problem for you OP is that if your friend starts taking stuff from your school, then you and all other staff fall under suspicion, which is not a nice situation to be in.

KarmaStar · 09/01/2020 15:41

She WILL get caught.
Ask her if she wants to lose her job,dbs clearance,respect of community and reputation in one day.
She is a thief,nobody likes a thief in their home or to go out shopping with because you don't know what they will do.the trust is gone.
Sounds like she is bored and looking for excitement.
She will get more than she bargained for.

UpfieldHatesWomen · 09/01/2020 17:17

I had a friend who did this for a while and she was actually a lovely person, but was going through a phase where she was feeling hard done to in her life, and the stealing of small items seemed to be a way of her getting her own back. She'd been though a messy divorce and had lost her job unfairly due to her boss being a bitch, I think she was feeling helpless and this somehow gave her a feeling of 'sticking it to the man'. Similarly, she seemed almost proud of herself in an immature way that she had gotten away with something. If she's worth your friendship, I'd try to make her think about what she's doing and prompt her to think if she couldn't get a sense of achievement some other, more positive way. If she's not worth it, perhaps just steer clear of her.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 09/01/2020 17:50

I’d distance myself as wouldn’t want a friend who thought theft was ok to do.

peekybootoyou · 09/01/2020 18:06

Op I work monitoring security camera's for a large high street chain.

She's not as clever as she thinks, she probably will get caught at some point. Just because she thinks she knows the blind spots doesn't mean she does and if they are, doesn't mean they'll be blind spots forever.

We're trained to be able to spot behaviours leading up to and post stealing too. It's not just the act itself we look for.

I'd talk to her, explain exactly what she's risking. She might stop, she might not. But she'll probably be caught eventually if she carries on.

Chloemol · 09/01/2020 18:21

It starts with something like cakes and moves onto other stuff. Her stealing is also impacting on everyone else as prices go up to cover those items stolen

I would be having a firm conversation along the lines of, i don’t want your stolen food to eat, I don’t expect to see any stolen food in future and will be asking to see receipts. I would also be calling in at the shop, not giving name or description but advising what she said about cameras etc. If she gets caught she gets caught it’s not your problem .

JKScot4 · 09/01/2020 19:00

Show her this thread maybe that’ll knock some sense into her. Ask her how she’d feel if other colleagues knew she was a thief.

Original poster
recklessruby · 09/01/2020 19:14

I m driving her home tonight as the weather s appalling here.
I m going to talk to her straight.
Thanks all for the advice

OP posts:
Mirandaqueenbee · 09/01/2020 20:31

Someone I know used to do this alot I stopped going shopping with them don't take anything from her

Wowwe · 09/01/2020 21:08

‘ Never leave your stuff unattended around her.’

That’s a bit extreme!!

Just because she steals from shops doesn’t mean she will steal friends/colleagues personal belongings!
That’s ridiculous to connect the two! It’s totally different.

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