Homophobia

[Whatisthisfuckery]

Inspired by the racism thread, although not a taat I don’t think:

Do people think homophobia is still a problem in the UK? I’m genuinely interested in people’s responses.

I very much do as I experience it myself, although by no means everybody is homophobic, in fact not even most people, but a significant number nonetheless. AIBU?

Though before s28, it's not like teachers were happily saying it's OK to be gay! Had to disabuse some young colleagues of this recently, bless them.

The contrast between now and the 90s in acceptance of gay (and less so, bisexual) people is huge, which in some ways makes it more of a shock if you do encounter homophobia or biphobia. And especially in places you think of as safe. It's odd to think of now, but I probably wouldn't have moved to London in the 90s if I were straight - but getting attacked in the Midlands for holding my girlfriend's hand meant I was looking for somewhere we could be under the radar.

Yes and I dont think its right to compare abuse lesbian and Gay men get. They are both terrible in the same and different ways.
I live in a place where there are number of gay and lesbian people, many will walk around hand in hand.
I think its quite lovely and make me feel reassured and happy that I live in a place which is so open.
Saying that there is still along way to go and there are still a number of couples who shy away from showing affection due to inbuilt safety response.

@Thatagain

What point are you trying to make exactly?

The ? Is does homophobia still exist? I think it was a man made word to section people. Ie to put people into different categories. People who are abusive to people in same sex relationships are skum and are uneducated. I personally do not like to think that people have a phobia towards another human. That's the point.

A man made word

Earlier you said homophobia isn't a real thing; now you're saying you don't like to think of it as a real thing but people who are abusive to people in same sex (ie homophobes abusing homosexuals) are 'skum'.

So do you believe homophobia is real or not?

I’m a lesbian and suppose look like one would imagine a lesbian should look. Before I was out I received loads of horrible homophobia and I wasn’t even a ‘known’ lesbian then! Now it’s mostly the continual boredom of coming out to people, my wife being assumed to be my mum or sister, men whistling and crotch grabbing and casual homophobia in the workplace which I’m not supposed to be offended about as people mean no harm. Apparently.

@GeraldineFangedVagine oh that's alright then, if they mean no harm.

I'm sorry you have to put up with shit heads.

It's a massive problem OP. Erasure is discrimination in itself. As pps have said, lesbians are shunned now for not wanting females with penises (me included). Also the constant taunts from men that I'll change my mind or 'Haven't had the right dick'.

Some members of my family dont believe me and when I had a partner she wasn't allowed to family events. She was butch and described as 'difficult to look at' by them. I find the ignorance shocking. Including the question to be honest although I would be unreasonable to place the blame on OP for asking it.

Oh and lesbianism aside, I went to a fast food/buffet type restaurant recently with my gay male friends and a group of guys outside began coming onto me, asked if I was with them and then somehow figured it out and called them 'a pair of fucking faggots'.

I think you're asking quite a lot for something to go from illegal/forbidden to 'unremarkable' in one generation. People don't notice mild pdas in straight couples but do in gay couples, so think they are just telling the truth when they say they don't like any pdas.

And the religious issue is not totally straightforward, either. I know religious people who were uncomfortable about the redefinition of marriage to include gay couples, for the same reason as we are unhappy with the redefinition of woman to include trans woman. They weren't unhappy about civil partnerships, just the use of the word marriage.

It will take a while for things to become truly everyday normal.

Strangely younger people don't seem to see the dissonance of using gay as an insult while not being intentionally homophobic.

Didn't the boys on the bus harass those women and go on at them to kiss for them?

And no, we weren't taught about homosexuality in school, I learned about it from my mum and from reading.

Yes, homophobia is still an issue.

Yes, you only have to look at some of the nasty things said and written to Rev Richard Coles when his husband died

Exactly- made me so sad, he's such a lovely bloke.

I'm also a bit disappointed by the mysogyny ive seen within the gay community.

Yes it is a massive problem.My teenage has suffered a huge amount of homophobic bullying and language at school and outside. It’s like shovelling snow in a snowstorm. I think it’s worse for teenage boys than girls, that is the opinion of my secondary school teacher friends too.

I think it needs to be cracked down on even harder.

It’s still a big problem. Easy to think on the basis of living in London that it’s diminished.

But small town England on a Saturday night? Try holding hands and see how long you last.

It is mostly straight men who opine - clearly deciding they are life’s enforcers of the straight and narrow. Why they feel so concerned is anybody’s guess - rarely are they so attractive that man or woman of any sexuality would go;

Why you are right, brave stranger! I do need a good seeing too/am fucking poof etc

LexMitior

SimonJT should have made it clear I was responding to Thatagain's ridiculous claim that everyone was disgusted by homosexuality before 2005.

People often bang on about class but since unless you are minted your are working this is pointless. What is very revealing is an attitude to homosexuality. It tells you a lot about how people are raised when they express “views”.

Principally it’s pretty useful in knowing who to avoid. Anyone over invested in what other people do with their genitalia and has to tell you is not good company.

"I think transphobia is the new homophobia. Trans people are treated as gay people were twenty years ago."

How were gay people treated in 2000?

Well gay people had to put up with going to hella sexy nightclubs and dancing our arses off.

It’s not all weeping over Ellen and taking to cats or waxing your chest and despair you know

@Inappropriatefemale Shoreditch, so gay central Shoreditch, so gay central. It’s another thing most people don’t have to consider as much, but when you rent/buy somewhere one of the many questions you have to ask yourself is ‘will I be safe here?’ But you ask it of yourself all the time, I like rugby and played for Kings Cross Steelers until fairly recently, I had played for ‘straight’ clubs before, but was very much excluded from socialising and it was made clear that if anyone found out they would probably drop me as they couldn’t afford to lose ticket sales.

@Indella Yeah, I have had “which one of you is the girl?” Or “which is the bottom?” Yet they wouldn’t ask a straight person “do you suck dick?” I get “well you don’t look gay” or my favourite used to be “are you allowed in the showers after rugby?” I’m gay, not a rapist you ignorant twat.

My ex made a little documentary type thing about the impact of being gay, it’s worth a watch and puts a few things in perspective that gay men face.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p057nfy7

I honestly didn't think it was until recently. I really thought everyone just accepted it now without a problem.
But then I became aware of the cotton ceiling. Which appalled me. But thought it was a small number of people pushing that agenda. Though I'm amazed how many people can't see why it's a problem.
Then I cut my hair very short and a man I know, who I've never heard say anything like this before made a joke about me looking like a 'dyke'. (I'm straight and just smiled and said 'thank you' if anyone is wondering - my default response when anyone says something jerkish and I cba).
Yesterday a female aquaintance, that I've known for years, posted a poll on twitter of 'gay men you'd like to turn'.
I've also seen a gay male friend making disparaging jokes about straight people recently.
I swear it really is on the increase again. I can see that Brexit has fuelled racism. But what is fuelling this?
It just seems there's a rise in all forms of bigotry and tribalism while at the same time accusations of hatred being thrown around where it's not warranted.

Yes. I'm bi and I was never out in my last job. My colleagues were the kind of people who claimed they didn't have a problem with gays, they just didn't like it being shoved down their throats. I have straightness shoved down my throat all the time, I don't complain about it. I mean, even casually mentioning it or holding your partner's fucking hand is 'shoving it down people's throats'. Gay characters appear on TV and it's 'shoving it down people's throats'.

I think this post sums up a lot of the issues around homophobia today. The perception in some quarters is that homophobia has to mean physical or verbal abuse. There’s a whole area of ‘low level’ homophobia that gets ignored or even tolerated. The ‘I’ve got no problem with it; just don’t shove it in my face’ my brigade seem to believe they’re being genuinely magnanimous by ‘letting’ people get on with it.

On the TV characters point - I’m a big Corrie fan and regularly see comments I
online along the lines of ‘I’ve got no issue with gay people but there are too many gay characters now; unrealistic on one tiny terraced street’. Three women on that tiny street are widows of serial killers. There are currently four reunited divorced couples together - one where they have been divorced twice and have had a further broken engagement, and another where the male half has married two different women twice. Two characters were switched at birth and another discovered he was abandoned in a library and stolen. But a handful of gay people in a 21st Century Manchester suburb? THAT’S a realism issue.

How were gay people treated in 2000?

Gay people had only just been ‘approved’ to serve in the military. An equal age of consent was still a year away. Civil partnerships were five years away. Marriage was 14 years away (20 in NI). Adoption rights were five years away (13 in Scotland). Protection from discrimination in employment was 10 years away.

That enough for you, or are you still ?

I think biphobia is far more common. Bisexuals are openly treated as delusional or attention seekers by both straight and gay people and are horrendously misrepresented in the media. It annoys me so much when a previous "straight" character gets with a man and is "suddenly gay" as if bisexuality doesn't exist!

We do face crap from both sides. Can't be trusted, impossible for us to be monogamous, we'll sleep with anyone, we just want to use lesbians and will dump them for a man, up for threesomes. Not sure I'd say it's more common though, it's just different.

I've also been told I can't be bi because I've not had sex with a woman. It's not from a lack of wanting to, I just had a difficult time fitting in to the LGB (as it was back then) scene as I was too 'straight looking'. Couldn't be arsed with that at all. Then I met a man, he was fine with me being bi, fine with who I am. We eventually married, and somehow I've managed to stay faithful