Homophobia

[Whatisthisfuckery]

Inspired by the racism thread, although not a taat I don’t think:

Do people think homophobia is still a problem in the UK? I’m genuinely interested in people’s responses.

I very much do as I experience it myself, although by no means everybody is homophobic, in fact not even most people, but a significant number nonetheless. AIBU?

Aw SimonJT your post broke my heart about not being able to do all these normal things you mention, may I ask where you live? It sounds awful.

My brother is gay and he says that the amount of people that talk about gay men being paedophiles is sickening, it’s as if you come out as gay and all of a sudden then you must be into children, do gay men get this a lot?

My brother got picked on a little at school due to being gay and had only lassie pals but he went to high school in a little place outside of Edinburgh and lots of them were backwards.

He wouldn’t take any shit now though and sticks up for himself well and I think this is because of being bullied at school.

He was on a night out once and this chavvy type of guy started on my brother, you know the type, and due to the fact my brother was gay then this guy assumed he wouldn’t stick up for himself (lots of folks think this) and went to hit him, well he got the shock of his life when my brother took off his belt and threatened to shag him if he didn’t fuck off and the guy went white and backed down like the coward he was and for a laugh my brother chased him whilst he was holding his belt in one hand and keeping his jeans up with the other and his friends were poorless!

Yes. I'm bi and I was never out in my last job. My colleagues were the kind of people who claimed they didn't have a problem with gays, they just didn't like it being shoved down their throats. I have straightness shoved down my throat all the time, I don't complain about it. I mean, even casually mentioning it or holding your partner's fucking hand is 'shoving it down people's throats'. Gay characters appear on TV and it's 'shoving it down people's throats'. There are no out gay male footballers in the top divisions. I know we're not as bad as Iran or Saudi Arabia, but we're not quite there yet.

@SimonJT I'm so sorry. My cousin came out as gay recently and both his family and mine are fine with us, but we're lucky. I've heard some horror stories from friends, I've met people who've been disowned for coming out as gay or bi.

I'm a fan of Space and the band members throw the words 'queer' (in a derogatory sense) and 'faggot' around freely, and it upset me a lot but I felt like I couldn't call it out. I had their singer asking me if I was hitting on his daughter as well and making weird comments about lesbians. That hurt. I'm not a paedophile.

Yes all the casual homophobia is about this 'shoving it down the throat thing'. And then they always quantify it by saying 'but I don't like to see any PDAs doesn't matter if they're gay or straight'. Oh right so you don't like to see straight couples holding hands or giving each other a peck on the lips? You don't like to see a woman with her hand rested on her husbands leg or a man with his arm round his gf? All of these things which I have seen you do a million times ? Come on don't give me that fucking bullshit!
Infuriates me.

As a straight person I think you hear all the low level bullshit that the casual homophobe would never say to somebody's face. Simon your post makes me so sad. I have a lot of gay family members and when they're out in public they act like they're just mates with their SOs. How is that an equal society?

Men have the biggest proportion of homophobics I would say, anyone agree?

I think everybody experiences who experiences discrimination experiences it differently.
In my experience gay men are likely to be more accepted by women in friendship groups then some lesbians but are more likely to have violence against them.

Women can get overly sexualised
My partner is fairly "butch" so gets more of the shouting in street type and wild assumptions made
Im a fairly femme so i have to "come out" frequently to all sorts of people and get to see how their interaction with me changes.

Recently i had to use crutches, i would like to think im fairly aufait with disablity access. What really shocked me was all the things i suddenly saw. Before hand i saw my building as accessible after all it had ramps etc, however use crutches made me see a whole host of small things that added up to make in general our building not accessible eg. The toilet doors dont open the right way, the way our security doors work. It reminded me that i never know the challenges people face. We can only listen to the people who do experience them and remedy them when possible

I really do think when people with lived experience tell us we need to listen

I'm straight, white, male.

I'll assume homophobia is a problem until gay people tell me otherwise.
I'll assume misogyny is a problem until women tell me otherwise.
I'll assume racism is a problem until BAME folk tell me otherwise.

Obviously, there's sadly enough of all three for it to be evident without me needing to be told. But honestly from the privilege perch the subtler and more ingrained examples are sometimes hard to see. It's shameful to admit it but it's true.

Men have the biggest proportion of homophobics I would say, anyone agree?

Disagree. Women just hide it better and/or save it for when they think no one gay is present.

Men are far more likely to be violent to gay guys though, it always makes me wonder what their real issue is...

My DD2 is gay. She and her gf do not feel safe to hold hands in our town. That says it all, really.

I was on the tram back from the airport last year and there was a straight couple practically eating each other's faces on the tram, they were constantly snogging, hands all over each other, and if they'd been a same sex couple they'd have NEVER got away with acting like that outside Canal Street. My colleagues talked about their husbands all the time but if I'd had a girlfriend, I'd never have talked about it. One of them had gay friends and she'd whisper the word 'lesbians' like it was a swear word.

And even in Canal Street, you get homophobes. Like the hen parties who think they can turn gay men or creepy straight men perving on lesbians/bi women.

I have an 11 year old and 15 year old
DS has expressed some homophobia previously but I think that’s because the majority of his friends are from a community where being gay is not acceptable. We have discussed it with him and he says he does argue back now
Dd has friends from the same community but there seems to be little or no homophobia in her peer group, from what I can see due to a variety of circumstances her friends are less devout in general

Yes.

At my BIL over Christmas, they were talking about if their 2 year old boy would be going to the same stage school his two older sisters go to.

BIL : he can’t go there, it’ll turn him gay.

Me : going to stage school does not turn someone gay.

SIL : no, but it’s all part of the conditioning

They quite clearly forgot that my sister is gay! Wish I’d reminded them & watched them squirm.

Yes. But weirdly, as well as coming from the religious right (who can fuck right off) it's coming from the cultural left (who can also fuck off).

Homophobia is never acceptable, no matter where it comes from.

As a lesbian I’ve luckily never really experienced that much homophobia, the worst experience I had was when me and my ex were harassed by a group of men in a pub because they realised we’re a couple, as such I don’t go to a certain chain of pubs any more. My mum definitely had an issue with me being gay for a long time, she’s since apologised, but I know deep down she is uncomfortable with my “gayness”. I think the worse thing I experience on the regular, which isn’t that bad, is people trying to constantly reassure me they don’t care that I’m gay, it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me or that secretly they do have a problem with it.

I also strongly disagree with people saying lesbians experience worse homophobia than gay men, gay men by far get the most hate and face the most violence, usually by “straight men”, my own dad ridicules gay men and use the word “poof” despite having a gay daughter which he’s never ever had an issue with. I read something a while ago which said some straight men fear and dislike gay men because they think they will treat them the way straight men treat women, and I think that’s so true.

Inappropriatefemale. Yes I think it’s true. Men are way more verbal about it and much more likely to act on their hatred in terms of actual physical attack.
Women are generally more agreeable creatures and more prone to keep things peaceful.

I had people assume I was gay because my best friend in Year 7 was a butch girl and I had short hair. Another guy in my year had everyone think he was gay because he was a bit camp and didn't do sports (he's straight). I didn't come out until I was in Sixth Form and even then, I only told a few people.

In regards to males/females being worse... ive found im more likely to be heckled by men but by far the more emotionally hurtful stuff like exclusion from social groups and general mean comments, and lack of inclusion has come from women.

Lots of these women think that what they are doing doesnt count or as long as they arent shouting its okay.

I'm bi, not particularly out because I'm in a committed relationship with a man (and it's always so much fun being told how promiscuous I must be).

Yeah, homophobia is everywhere. A work colleague in a previous job had to put up with a lot of crap from customers because it was assumed he was gay, not even known, just assumed. Prominent gay characters on TV programmes still wind people up by their very existence. Homophobic slurs are still used.

Regarding the bus lesbians: they were beaten up because they started a fight. One of the ladies got up and started punching one of the boys. Check the CCTV.

I'm not denying what the teenagers did was bad. The ladies claim they threw coins. Nevertheless, facts matter.

Unfortunately, yes. I knew a couple who were a GP and a nurse - both females. They had been together for many years, and raised children, but the GP couldn't let on to her patients that she was in a same sex relationship, as that would risk her job. They were a wonderful couple - still very much in love - and I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to have to hide your relationship. I agree with a PP that for some reason, homosexuality is still associated with deviancy - people seem to be less comfortable with people in same sex relationships being in a position that includes contact with children. I genuinely thought that we'd be further on than this by now.

My DS1 is gay and the only homophobia he experiences is from my mother. She thinks her age gives her the right to say whatever she wants . She is by no means representative of all older people (80 plus) but I think many older people do have a problem with it because it was hidden away years ago.

I am not sure homophobia exists. Isn't it a word made up. For people who don't know or refuse to accept homosexuality? Or is it a word to describe a homosexual who likes to be referred to as GAY. Or do people generally have phobias towards another human? As for a homosexual calling someone who has no time to understand their lifestive a homophobic doesn't make sense to me. It causes discontent.

Someone who attacks someone who is homosexual isn't necessarily homophobic. It's a nasty violent person. I also think people who have a tendency to be violent will and are violent to anyone.

Thatagain

Your post does not make sense to me. The word television is made up. Does that mean there is no such thing as a television?

It means someone who is prejudiced against people who are same-sex attracted, and I suspect you know that quite well.