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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boys in ballet - really fucking annoyed

569 replies

Boyscandoballettoo · 09/01/2020 07:33

Please excuse the ranty tone of this thread - I have just had enough! Took my male toddler to a ballet class, and the number of negative comments or comments laughing about it from so-called family and friends has been overwhelming.

Please can people tell me AIBU to think it’s a bloody unisex sport?!? There have always been male ballet dancers! I do NOT understand the ignorance over it and even if it were a female sport traditionally, how dare people be so bloody sexist and make fun of a boy for joining in.

I don’t know why but it’s really pushing my buttons!

OP posts:
ThisIsMeOrIsIt · 09/01/2020 08:24

My DS is only 1 but I fully intend to take him along to try ballet when he can walk properly. I did ballet from the age of 3, ended up with a dance degree, I've known many male dancers and they've all been strong and athletic.

Ignore the laughers, OP. They're just showing their own narrow mindedness about this.

myself2020 · 09/01/2020 08:25

Most private schools have ballet lessons for boys and girls- for good reasons! its excellent exercise and great for body awareness.
Loads of negative comments from other parents (not private school), along the lines of “elitist “, “boys should be boys” (well, boys and girls do tag rugby too, most enjoy both).
just ignore the idiots

SarahTancredi · 09/01/2020 08:26

Fuck them all op

All kids should be able to try all sports and arts

You will face this alot but all we can do is try and raise our kids to not give a crap.

I'm.a woman I couldnt do ballet fir shit. Desperately wanted to do rugby judo and football. I will never forget not being allowed to.

Alot of sportsmen did ballet and gymnastics jts good for balance coordination and discipline.

When dd did football she kept correcting the coatch to say "person of the match, there are girls here"

Monty27 · 09/01/2020 08:26

Ballet is not a sport. It's an art and beautiful. It should not be gender specific surely? Wtf
You carry on OP and don't be swayed. As long as DS is happy be happy Smile

Original poster
Boyscandoballettoo · 09/01/2020 08:27

@LIZS

Hahahahaha i was rude?! But you calling me precious wasnt?!

My point is that ballet isn’t just for girls and people who think so are ignorant schmucks. Point stands regardless of DS’ age.

OP posts:
WatcherintheRye · 09/01/2020 08:29

YANBU to think ballet is unisex.

YABU to call ballet a sport (have never heard this before and it just sounds....odd)

Sport: an activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment.

Parker231 · 09/01/2020 08:30

DD did football - she was good. Better than DS. The comments of ballet being for girls and football for boys is similar to peoples insisting that it’s pink for girls and blue for boys.

StCharlotte · 09/01/2020 08:30

Darts, pool and crown green bowling are sports Grin

There are dozens, if not hundreds, of better examples you could have used (unless I missed the irony?)

Besides, I would argue that darts and pool are games...

Anyway OP, ballet needs boys of course.

Original poster
Boyscandoballettoo · 09/01/2020 08:31

@WatcherintheRye

As I said in a previous comment, and a dancer has come along to add to - it’s a long-standing debate whether it’s an art or sport. On balance is an art, but the huge amounts of physical exertion make it appear more of a sport to me.

But it’s not the point of the thread.

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/01/2020 08:33

You posted in aibu - yabu to describe a toddler dance class as "ballet"! Regardless of gender of your child. Good toes, naughty toes is just the very beginning. Once your son gets older he would develop artistic and physical skills, assuming he continues, but that is not a sport. The type of male ballet you mention developed from classical ballet.

Mummyeyes · 09/01/2020 08:33

Bruce Springsteen writes about being one of the only boys who dance in his autobiography, and Patrick Swayze grew up in his mum's ballet school. Read their books, they are both so warm and heartening, will give you strength.

speakout · 09/01/2020 08:34

The problem is your friends.

If my friends laughed at the idea of my son doing ballet the friendship would be cut.

Piffle11 · 09/01/2020 08:36

Op, did you see the Good Morning America segment, where one of their presenters said something about Prince George doing ballet, which upset a lot of male dancers? They met up in Times Square outside the GMA studios and did a ballet routine … it was great! I think the guy who helped arrange it is called Travis Wall - it's on his IG, around the end of August. It was great to see so many dancers of all ages supporting each other. I follow a guy called Eric Underwood on IG: he was a soloist with the Royal Ballet - the things that man can do with his body … he's incredible! And did you see Carlos Acosta on Strictly? He was amazing - made the professional Strictly dancers look like they were beginners. The people making negative comments to you are ignorant at best and downright rude at worst.

ToniHargis · 09/01/2020 08:37

Just ignore them. My son (who was huge from the minute he was born) did ballet as a child, then moved on to tap, (as well as being on all sorts of sports teams). I don't know what people said behind our backs but he was never teased about it, because he told them he wanted to be a rock musician and they needed to be able to dance. (He had watched the Michael Jackson "Beat it" video.)
He has just graduated with his Degree in Music and is now about to release an EP in the Spring. Not sure if he'll ever dance publicly, but he doesn't regret a thing!

blubelle7 · 09/01/2020 08:37

It's a sport that actually requires a lot of strength training. Pliès are no joke. My brother and I did ballet, we didn't stick it out though, we settled on other activities but my mum made sure we got to do a lot so we could discover what we liked and were good at.

DS1 does ballet as well. He used to get stick from people (not family) for being a black boy doing ballet and people accusing me of "turning him gay" whatever that means and being a coconut. Well I wasn't too impressed and laid into one such commentator. No problems since.

He is mazing and it does wonders for his posture, balance and confidence. People are twats. Stand up to them. Dont let anyone make fun of your son

theemmadilemma · 09/01/2020 08:39

Sergei Polunin was very enjoyable to watch first thing in the morning.

BottleOfJameson · 09/01/2020 08:41

YANBU why should be just accept that people are so sexist, especially towards toddlers.

LaMarschallin · 09/01/2020 08:41

Why did you decide on ballet as a class for him?
Were/are you or his father involved in dance in any way?
I'm just curious because ballet is still a less usual choice for a boy. As was rugby for girls when friends started taking their daughter 20 years ago. She's still playing as a hobby and is a really good player. But it was she who expressed the wish to try it out.

At 18 months I'm guessing that you've decided on this. Hence my question as to whether you or OH have an interest or is it that you've read it's an activity that's good for coordination, team work, exercise etc

(If my DH and had children - I have two from a previous marriage - they'd probably end up being taken to swimming, Tumble Tots and some sort of music-and-movement at 18 months. Later, DH would be yearning to take them to chess and I'd hope they had an eye for archery Smile But hopefully they'd find something they themselves wanted to do)

Inherdefence · 09/01/2020 08:44

The very fact that you are calling it sport not dance indicates that you also think that dance might be a bit too girly for a boy. That’s untrue at any age but for a toddler it’s really reinforcing the sexual stereotype that it’s ok for a male to do sport but not art or dance.

And for people saying dancers are athletes - are they really? They are as fit and strong as professional athletes but that doesn’t make them athletes. Again, it seems to be suggesting that just calling them dancers isn’t enough. You might as well call athletes dancers because they are as fit and strong as dancers. My dad was an incredibly fit, strong, hod carrier in his youth but it didn’t make him an athlete.

If you really struggle with calling ballet classes dance, perhaps you could compromise and call it exercise?

pigoons · 09/01/2020 08:44

This gender stereotyping pisses me off too. But I do think some of the dance classes / academies reinforce this by insisting that the girls wear pink etc. My DS (5) started off with 'ballet is for girls, football is for boys' line but to be fair to him - the dance class which takes place in the room next to football is full of girls wearing pink tutus, pink shoes and sparkly headgear. I had to youtube videos of male ballet dancers so that he could see that boys can do ballet too

ferrier · 09/01/2020 08:47

I wouldn't be surprised by comments like those from Neanderthals. Says more about them than the boys doing ballet. I'd just make them aware of their ignorance. Laugh at them probably.

alwaysdancing · 09/01/2020 08:48

Why are so many people saying it's not competitive?! Ex-dance teacher here who stopped teaching due to the massive amounts of time required to train students for competitions, plus giving up pretty much every Sunday for taking them to the competitions and/or judging there!

Anyway, dance is for everyone - very narrow-minded to think otherwise.

Original poster
Boyscandoballettoo · 09/01/2020 08:49

I have explained why we thought it would be a good class for him upthread.

@LIZS the class is called “baby ballet”. I’m not engaging with you and your bizarre pedantic comments anymore.

OP posts:
ferrier · 09/01/2020 08:50

Sport: an activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment.

This is only one person's definition and can be criticised on several levels.

Original poster
Boyscandoballettoo · 09/01/2020 08:51

The very fact that you are calling it sport not dance indicates that you also think that dance might be a bit too girly for a boy

Dance didn’t even cross my mind - 7am brain! Of course I have no problem calling it dance! I thought sport read quite well too. For me they are exceptionally talented And physical athletes. the muscles on them! But that’s just me - happy for other people to say otherwise; but I do see it as akin to a sport; given all the training; the physical aspect etc.

OP posts: