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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boys in ballet - really fucking annoyed

569 replies

Boyscandoballettoo · 09/01/2020 07:33

Please excuse the ranty tone of this thread - I have just had enough! Took my male toddler to a ballet class, and the number of negative comments or comments laughing about it from so-called family and friends has been overwhelming.

Please can people tell me AIBU to think it’s a bloody unisex sport?!? There have always been male ballet dancers! I do NOT understand the ignorance over it and even if it were a female sport traditionally, how dare people be so bloody sexist and make fun of a boy for joining in.

I don’t know why but it’s really pushing my buttons!

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 09/01/2020 09:36

You need to lighten up

That is the exact opposite of what she needs to do. This kind of bollocks about an 18 month old boy doing ballet or a similar aged girl doing football is way worse than it was even 20 yrs ago.

This extreme gendering of everything into "boys' stuff" or "girls' stuff" is bloody ridiculous and largely started as a marketing exercise. Its no wonder kids feel alienated in their own skins.

medb22 · 09/01/2020 09:38

Interesting that a few people have noted that in their experiences, boys in ballet classes have often progressed to a very high level. My childhood friend did dance (not ballet), and he became a minor 'star' in the field. He had a very successful career for a while travelling around dancing in a famous stage show. He acknowledged himself that it was much easier for him to progress, despite being less talented than many girls in his group. Perhaps your DS will end up being a primo ballerino! Though I don't know that there's a lot of cash in it, so maybe don't pin your retirement hopes on it :)

People who are commenting about ballet being 'forced' on the toddler to satisfy some want of the parent - isn't that the case for everything you do with babies and toddlers? Like, does your kid really want to go to baby massage/yoga/sensory play, or do you bring them because you think it's interesting and you want to get out of the house? My four year old constantly tells me she doesn't want to go to soft-play, or to the playground, or to swimming, but we go anyway and she enjoys it when she gets there and I think it's important that she does physical exercise.

To the OP: people criticising are being dicks, but people will be.

Welltroddenpath · 09/01/2020 09:39

I have three sons and I can’t stand football myself so would absolutely hate doing the soccer mum thing.

All my boys went to gymnastics which was mainly girls but defiantly not sneered at for boys.

Why shouldn’t a boy learn ballet? Men are needed in ballet for goodness sake! Not everyone wants their exercise in the rain and mud with a contact sport.

Tell people to go back to their caves or the Stone Age.

bobstersmum · 09/01/2020 09:40

There is nothing wrong with a boy doing ballet. Did your ds express interest in ballet or is it you that wants him to do it?

TheGreyInThisCity · 09/01/2020 09:41

And today's idiotic remark award goes to @stouffer* *

'As long as he chins a posh kid at the audition then it’s fine.'

Fairly confident that that was a joke, it’s what happens in Billy Elliot...

joystir59 · 09/01/2020 09:42

The world is sooooo sexist!!!! It's why so many children want to change sex.

ohprettybaby · 09/01/2020 09:42

He’s 18 months so not really able to decide - but he loves dance, and he has a few music books with the nutcracker and swan lake and LOVES those so i thought it would be enjoyable for him. It is.
That's good. I wonder whether your family would back off with their comments and laughter if they realised why you've taken him to ballet and that he enjoys it?

I don’t know how you can read anything about my “strong views about stereotype roles” from this one post!
Oh, come on. I'm really not having a go at you. There is nothing wrong with being against stereotyping of roles. It comes through very firmly in your post - you just may not be aware of it.

Straycatstrut · 09/01/2020 09:45

My DS did gymnastics for 3 years (before it suddenly became "cool" for boys) and I got a lot of this too. Same comments over his long hair and how pink is his favourite colour. Ooooo that's not the done thing how shocking I can't cope with that!!

You get used to it. I don't react anymore more I'm not wasting my time! their issue not mine or my little peoples.

GoldfishRampage · 09/01/2020 09:49

A friend teaches ballet. She doesn’t currently have any boys in her classes but it’s not for lack of trying. She’s beyond frustrated trying to advertise the fact boys do ballet too, and in fact are necessary in most shows!

I think the way beginner ballet is done can be a massive problem. It’s more about being a ‘pretend’ princess ballerina than about actual dance and movement. Why on earth do these beginner groups require pink fluffy tutus for the girls. It’s certainly not to do with learning to dance. If I were teaching ballet to little kids it would be all about listening and moving to the music not doing pretend pirouettes! I’d also drop the leotards and tutus.

SimonJT · 09/01/2020 09:51

My son is 4 and has started ballet, he really enjoys it so far, he also attends rugby tots. Boys get it when they do ‘girls’ things, girls get it when they do ‘boys’ things. It’s plain old ignorance.

One of my friends is a ballet dancer, he was on SAS who dares wins and physically and mentally outperformed a lot of the men on there.

The ballet boyz are very good.

annualleavepurchase · 09/01/2020 09:51

Why on earth do these beginner groups require pink fluffy tutus for the girls.

I suspect it's to do with the fact that the little girls parents want to see them all dressed up and the dance schools know that so market to the masses to get more business.

Piglet89 · 09/01/2020 09:55

My little boy is only 4 and a half months but since birth everyone has commented on how strong he is, and he loves to “stand” with his legs stiff and knees locked while I hold him!

I think he might be well-suited to ballet and why not?! If any of the in enlightened make comments, I shall just ignore.

livingthegoodlife · 09/01/2020 09:55

We are fairly fortunate at our dance school that we have 2-3 boys per class which over the whole school makes for a good number. They also run boys only classes one day a week to focus on male technique.

I wouldn't say my son is a passionate dancer but he enjoys the shows and meeting his friends. He goes willingly and tries hard. He will almost certainly never be a professional but just a kid who enjoyed an after school activity. He is aged 8.

Piglet89 · 09/01/2020 09:56

*unenlightened

Seriously @mnhq get your tech folk on to building an edit button! People have been crying out for it for ages!

Straycatstrut · 09/01/2020 09:58

"Is it you or is it him who wants to do it?"

Oh come on. My DS didn't want to go to gymnastics at first - I took him because (like me) he enjoyed watching it on the Olympics, and also because his balance and strength were pointed out as being very behind by the HV.

By the 3rd session he was absolutely loving it, and after 2 years he got up to badge 4. He then packed it all in because he wants to do swimming and keyboard instead. These apparently are 'unisex' ?!

AgeLikeWine · 09/01/2020 09:59

Ballet is not a sport. Neither is any other form of dance.

It is, however, an activity in which both boys and girls can participate. Rio Ferdinand did quite a lot of ballet training as a kid, and he found it very beneficial.

Saker · 09/01/2020 10:00

I am shocked that people are making such comments in this day and age and that people here are then telling you not to be surprised or irritated. Try to ignore it and don't let it put you off.

My Ds1 did ballroom and Latin for years and in general people were fine about it, but I wonder if that's because Strictly had made it acceptable for men to do that kind of dancing. But I want to encourage you also about the advantages of doing it - my Ds1 is so happy that he learned to dance. Although he was never going to do it as a career it has had loads of benefits - it has meant that he now has lovely posture and moves really well (in spite of not being particularly sporty in general) and he gained confidence in being able to walk out in front of an audience with everyone looking at him. People are now pleasantly surprised when they learn that he has a hidden skill because he's more on the academic side than the sporty side, and they didn't expect it.

I'm not at all dismissing ballet, because it is an amazing discipline, and at his age, any kind of music and movement will be similar. But I would recommend Ballroom and Latin as something to consider if he continues to enjoy dancing - just because it's something that's probably easier to continue to enjoy all through your life - and there is a competitive element if you want it. Also there's always a shortage of boys!

BrickTop999 · 09/01/2020 10:00

Ballet dancers are absolutely incredibly fit. What a great start in life for your little one to develop such coordination and stamina. Im jealous now - always wanted to be a ballet dancer

schoolcats · 09/01/2020 10:03

My little boy is only 4 and a half months but since birth everyone has commented on how strong he is, and he loves to “stand” with his legs stiff and knees locked while I hold him!

My three all enjoyed that.

I think he might be well-suited to ballet and why not?! If any of the in enlightened make comments, I shall just ignore.

Yes, do ignore them. But, really, you can't judge if a baby of 4 months is going to be well suited to ballet because she/he seems to like being upright.

BobTheDuvet · 09/01/2020 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherrysoup · 09/01/2020 10:10

Show them Joquin Cortes, Spanish flamenco and ballet dancer-super hot. Nureyev-needs no further explanation.

Point out Tom Holland-Spiderman-he started off as a dancer, hell of a mover, super fit, stupidly rich in his 20s.

I bet these idiots are also using words like gay? Duh!

FVFrog · 09/01/2020 10:10

Just ignore! Focus on positive male dance images for your son so he knows he’s not alone (even if he’s the only boy in his class!). My DS is 18 and has been dancing since he was 12, ballet his his main love although he dances all other styles as well.

CosmoK · 09/01/2020 10:10

Yes this makes me incredibly angry. I teach dancing ( not Ballet but a type of dance that requires very similar strength and athleticism) and my DS has attended since he was a newborn and he now joins in and loves it. We get occasional comments but most people have learned not to challenge me on this one. I feel very strongly about it.

My DS also had pink pained nails all Xmas and I had strangers pass comment!

CosmoK · 09/01/2020 10:11

*painted

blueruin · 09/01/2020 10:13

Art v sport ? I'd say ballet is art performed at top level by elite sportspeople/athletes.