How many funerals have you been to

[grimreaper1]

First off, I'm aware this is morbid and I don't want to upset anyone, but I'm currently studying grief and loss and becoming aware of how much bereavement I have experienced.

I'm 35 years old and I've lost 6 family members, a close friend, a teenage neighbour, accompanied two close relations to funerals of people I also knew and have had a pregnancy loss. So 10 funerals and a miscarriage.

I was just wondering if others had experienced the same or less or more? I don't know if it's changed my experience of death.

AIBU in thinking it's a lot for someone my age?

From large Irish family too - I've lost count of the number of funerals I've been to. But I also wouldn't equate funerals with bereavement. I've been to some funerals where I'd never met the person who died, but I was there supporting someone else who was close to them. And I've lost people who i grieved for, but didn't go to their funeral. I'd say I've suffered 5 big bereavements and I'm 45. They include both of my parents.

I’m in my early twenties and I’ve been to six. Four of them were elderly relatives, one was a colleague, the other was a school friend as a teenager.

57
DM , DF, DMIL
Uncle and 2x Aunts
2x Friends
1 work colleague
So 9 but didnt go to my first one until I was 32 which was my uncle. Didnt go to GPs funerals

I’m a bit younger than you, I’ve been to 4. Great auntie, great uncle, neighbour and my Nanna.

Sorry 5, my best friends elderly mother too

By the time I was 21 I had been to 11. 7 family members (3 extremely close ones), 3 family friends and 1 close friend who died young.

I am now 31 and this decade been to another 4 (3 family and 1 neighbour).

I have a lot of elderly aunts and uncles so not looking forward to the coming years.

I’m 32
Sister
Mum
Grandma
Grandad
3 friends
1 boyfriend
6 - close friends parents/spouse/child

Grandmother
An uncle I was very close to
Couple of work colleagues
Friend’s father

A few where I was singing as part of choir but knew family a bit
Various people at church

I'm 40, if I discount the ones from my work (I worked in elderly care and end of life care for a time)
I've been to around 10 and I've been to one already this year.
3 were grandparents and the rest friends or relatives (great aunts/uncles etc)
I have also lost 2 other gp's and an uncle but they were in Australia and I didn't attend the funerals (I had 8 gp's due to my parents splitting and remarrying but never knew 2 of them as they died before I was born)
The closest losses were my maternal gp's who I lived with until I was 6 and had a very close relationship with.

Grandad's brother
Grandad
Friend's dad

School friend during year 11 at school
DH's uncle
DH's grandad

Quite a few.
I haven't been to every funeral due to logistics but in my lifetime (42 years) I've lost 7 aunts/uncles, 2 grandparents (other 2 passed before I was born) a cousin (aged 11).
Attended funeral of colleague's child, friend's husband and friend's dad.

In the last 4 years I've lost my fil, both of my parents and a friend (aged 35).

There might be more that aren't coming to mind right now.

I’m 47 and I’ve been to 16.

2x grandparents
Dad
Sister
Sister in law
Auntie
Uncle
2 x Cousins
5 x friends
2 x friends’ parents

I think it really depends on family size. As I have been to so many but my nan was one of 13 children, each of those had 2-4 children. So we have a huge family and we are very close. Most of the ones I have been to were family. Whereas my husband has a tiny family, is a year older than me and went to his first funeral at 31 (now been to 2).

I'm 46.

Grandfather (Age 84, Cancer)
Boyfriend's Cousin (aged 32, cause kept secret, but actually HIV from heroin addiction)
Boyfriend's Great Uncle (Late 70s, Old age/heart failure)
Boyfriend's Mum's Neighbour #1's Mum (Age 86, Old Age)
Boyfriend's Mum's Neighbour #2 (Age 72, Cancer)
XP's Grandmother (Age 82, Old Age/Dementia)
Neighbour (Sepsis following liver disease/alcoholism - traveller funeral)
Another Boyfriend's Father (Age 63, Heart Failure/COPD)
My brother (Age 63, head injury from stupid cunt who was on Instagram whilst driving across a pedestrian crossing)

If I had been told about other ones that 'mattered', there would have been

Grandmother (74, cancer)
Father, (55, Cardiomyopathy)
Uncle (74, heart attack)
Aunt (72, cancer)
Best friend at school (26, RTA)
Other friend at school (16, Driving Like a Twat)
Boy in class at school (13, accidental asphyxia when messing about drunk)
Boy in class at school (15, Suicide)

And lots of miscarriages. Mercifully early ones, but they were all desperately sad.

I figure that death is an intrinsic part of life and it's right to mark it some way than pretend it's not happening. It's not weird to have been to one, or five, or fifteen. It's weird, in my opinion, to pretend that death doesn't happen, as then when it does and can't be ignored, it is far harder to handle.

I'm sure there will be another couple in the next year or so, if not more. It's what happens.

I’m 37 and I’ve been to 7.

Three GPs, the other died before I was born.

2 friends

XH’s mother, who I was quite close to.

DPs dad. I was present when he died.

Not really desperate to go to any more. I think 5 took place within about 2 years.

I am 48 and all four of my grandparents are dead - two died before I was born. The other two both died in the same year when I was about 21. I went to both their funerals. My uncle-by-marriage also died that year but I didn't go to his funeral. Another uncle-by-marriage died when I was about 29 and I went to his.

More recently I've been to my own father's funeral, an (older) friend, a family friend, my uncle and my aunt. And my FIL and BIL.

So about 10 in total.

But there are other people relatively close to me who have died but for various reasons I didn't go to their funerals, an ex-bf who died in his late 30s, a friend from university who I'd lost touch with and sadly died when he was only about 42, and my father's three sisters.

I'm 35 and I've attended hundreds of service users funerals over the years.

Only 5 Personal funerals:

2 Grandparents (1 funeral, they died within two days of each other)
1 young cousin
1 friends baby
Mil
Fil

By my mid thirties I had attended 9 funerals (5 family including my DM, although my GPs died when I was v young and I didnt go to their funerals) I am 40 now and both my parents have died.

I think around 20.
That includes grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, friends and neighbours. Also the parent of a pupil at school.

Doesn't really matter how many - it's still too many.

My son who was stillborn , my brother, a friend age 16, a few work colleagues and maybe 8 older relatives.

Too many (I'm 41)

That doesn't seem like a huge amount tbh

As well as funerals of my own relatives/in laws/friends I've also attended several funerals for stillborn babies (I'm a community midwife)

I am also mid-thirties.

3 grandparents
About 10 siblings/sibling-spouses of grandparents
Aunt, uncle, uncle-in-law
Countless elderly friends of family/neighbours, one teacher
4 young people from school and uni I was acquaintances with or friends (but not close).
RIP

I moved away from home (Ireland) at 18, if I still lived there would have attended loads more. I have missed some I wished to attend but we only get a day or two notice for a funeral. It averages about 1 a year now.

I often think I’m so, so lucky to have had no tragedies in my very immediate family, still have all siblings, parents and my own nuclear family.

(Actually it’s probably only one every 2-3 years now)

47 and I've been to a about 19. My grandma and quite a lot of great aunts and uncles died when I was in my 30's.
I went to three in 2018 and three in 2019.

Hoping for a funeral free 2020!

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