Being asked to make meals for new mums

[Paquitalaflor]

Feel free to crucify me but I am irked. I have been added to a Whats app group by someone local in my village, along with about 16 other people, asking us to make meals (fresh, freezable, etc) for some new first time mums in the village. I have been asked this before and mentioned that with a full time job, two kids of my own and regularly being on my own as my husband travels a lot, I struggle to cook meals for my own family, let alone someone else's. I offered up a bag of chicken dippers and everyone laughed at my drollness.

BUT ACTUALLY.... JUST MAKE YOUR OWN FECKING FOOD!!! It isn't hard! When I had a newborn and a two year old and my husband was working away and I could hardly walk due to a nasty c-section that woudn't heal, I made my own food! I had food delivered to my house, some of it was fresh ingredients, some of it was ready meals, some of it was delivered on a moped. Literally no one in the village offered me food and if they did, I would feel a bit weird about it.

In this day and age, it isn't hard to source food. Will you be tired?! Yes. Will your other children eat fewer vegetables than they should? Probably yes. But christ alive, that is what parenting and motherhood is..... I would rather be offered food now when there is work and school and activities, rather than when they slept most of the day and we all had nothing else to do. AIBU?

This would really peee me off. Don’t volunteer me for anything without my permission!. These people have no idea what struggles or commitments you might have of your own, like I have an elderly mother to look after. Just leave the group without comment and ignore.

I've done this for family and friends and am very pro the idea in a close relationship. But would be bemused to be asked for people I dont know well. Or to receive food in those circumstances!

The thought of village watts ap group makes me shudder a little bit. I try to avoid these groups at all costs though!
YANBU to not take part, we don't have to do what others have decided is a good idea, no matter how well intentioned they are.
YANBU to decline

I think its great as a nice gesture from a friend etc but otherwise I'd feel really uncomfortable with the 'new mums' aspect , as there are elderly people etc or those who rely on food banks who need it more. I grew up in a village & no one was 'in need' food wise, the nature of house prices there meant occupants were mainly comfortably off. I'd suspect the village charity maven is bored & looking for kudos & something to do & doesn't order her foodshop online. In your place I'd make a swift retreat from the group. If you suggest a more in need group of recipients you'll be labelled the trouble maker.

YANBU. It's fine if some people want to do this but not fine for them to expect everyone else to do it just because they think it's a good idea. I would have hated random people showing up with food when I was a new mum! Not least because as another poster says, who knows what their hygiene standards are like. It's not that difficult to make food!

Maybe if you had horrible experience as a new mum you'd get it you have zero idea of what my birth or months after giving birth were like. Fact is a new mum title ALONE does not make some one a charity case

This ^ We have no idea of the situations of the new mums for whom this is intended (I wonder if the organiser even does) and have no reason to presume they are having or have had a bad experience.
New mum is not synonymous with invalid.

I don't really get why new parents find it so hard to make dinner - we just did easy things like stir fry, filled pasta, quiche and salad etc. Even with a baby who didn't like being put down that was perfectly doable with two of us. If I had been a single parent would have been much harder

These threads keep me ‘real’ whenever I’m thinking how lovely it would be to live in a proper little village. I’d suffocate in no time.

FFS it's not being a charity case, get that chip of your shoulder will you. It's being kind and showing a bit of support. Might not be the best one, but the idea is not a bad one.

You know you can be friendly and helpful to people without actually looking down at them? Much better than being one of these martyr prattling on about doing it all on their own but bitterly resenting doing it.

no one is saying a new mother is an invalid or useless, you must have serious issues if you take it that way.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH CHICKEN DIPPERS!

Okay - I've said it.

Now crucify me!

YANBU. With my first I was a single mum and managed to cook and eat. I had to. With my second I had a a c-section and a 4 year old. Admittedly I wasn’t a single parent but never expected anyone to provide food for us.

It’s a kind thought but seriously?! You have your own life, a job and kids. It’s hard enough as parents as it is!!

I find cooking harder now they are older in all honestly.

Ooooooh op, I feel like an evil person...but I think YANBU.

I was asked the same a while ago and I thought the same as you.

I find cooking harder now they are older in all honestly

Yes I think a working mum with several older dc who need ferrying to after school activities is probably far more in need of a lasagne than a new mum with one baby at home all day.

Aw, it's a pity that family are too busy to help out, and new mums are looking to community to help.
Society is just interested in being busy, making money, and buying stuff.

In my culture the men stay away from the home after the birth and live with the men, the women, including sisters, mum, mil, mum, cousins, aunties, etc all attend to the new mum.
It's really lovely, and this continues throughout life, the man works and the women take care of the family.
The women are the strongest sex and rule the roost, strange that society seems to see this as backward, I'm all for women being in charge, not the poor creatures today, having to work, and do most at home, it must be so depressing and no life.

YANBU to not join in but YABU to sound so bitter about it. Your experience of parenting and motherhood sounds a bit grim, it's not your job to make motherhood nicer for strangers but why shouldn't someone else do it if they feel like? I do hope you are nicer to your own DD when she has children though? Some mothers have family and friends to step in when they really need help, just as some old people do, and some mothers don't, just as some old people don't. If you'd rather help old people them fine, do what interests you, it's all a contribution. But no need to piss on everyone else's chips. Maybe there are already better social contacts and support groups for elderly people in your village than there are for young families.

Laughing a bit at the poster who suggested early on that being incapacitated by giving birth is a new thing. MIL spent a week in cottage hospital type place in the 70s with baby looked after in a nursery room while she slept. In earlier centuries women who could afford it would have had lying in periods and most women would have had a larger network of nearby relatives and friends to help (obviously not everyone lived in an episode of Call the Midwife so some would be on their own). I would say it's the new thing that we are expected to be on our feet and sorting ready meals the same day as having a baby.

Despite internet shopping and ready meals some women do still need help after both and in the right circumstances this system could help.

However, I think OP is not unreasonable because in this case it seems she doesn't know the new mums or be particularly close to the other people in the WhatsApp group. It seems to work best in existing groups/communities such as church congregations where it is properly organised and the recipients are aware of the system.

I wouldn't do it. I also would feel really weird about excepting food from people who weren't actually my friends or family. It's a nice gesture tho, just not my cup of tea.

I know it sounds horrid, but there is no way I'd eat food prepared by strangers from homes I knew nothing about, just because they lived close by.
Some of those houses will be dirty, messy and the 'chefs' will have dubious hygiene standards. Cat and dog hairs, no hands washed after toilets, kids licking spoons.......
No thanks!

It’s the ‘do gooding, sainted mummies" brigade of the village which is what pisses me off

Meow....... What a nasty, sweeping generalisation. Says so much more about you, OP, than them.

The women are the strongest sex and rule the roost, strange that society seems to see this as backward, I'm all for women being in charge, not the poor creatures today, having to work, and do most at home, it must be so depressing and no life.

What culture do you come from, where the men make all the money, the women stay at home and look after the children (theirs or not), and yet are “in charge”? In charge of what?

In my culture the men stay away from the home after the birth and live with the men, the women, including sisters, mum, mil, mum, cousins, aunties, etc all attend to the new mum. It's really lovely, and this continues throughout life, the man works and the women take care of the family

Sounds utterly archaic and misogynistic!

@JasperRising

Omg yes, I remember my gran saying, when I had dc1, that I should stay in hospital aa long as possible because "at least there someone takes the baby at night so you can sleep". I think I briefly laughed in her face, before I recovered my composure. Sorry gran . And she was a nurse.

In charge of what? you know the laundry and stuff

How bizarre. I could have done with some meals when I was a single mum with nowhere to live but even then would have felt a bit weird about it.

OnlyFoolsnMothers

Now, now - don’t underestimate the importance of a clean pair of knickers! 😂 Let Trump and the Ayatollah fight it out between them; at least my pants are spotless and the holes in my stockings darned!