Being asked to make meals for new mums

[Paquitalaflor]

Feel free to crucify me but I am irked. I have been added to a Whats app group by someone local in my village, along with about 16 other people, asking us to make meals (fresh, freezable, etc) for some new first time mums in the village. I have been asked this before and mentioned that with a full time job, two kids of my own and regularly being on my own as my husband travels a lot, I struggle to cook meals for my own family, let alone someone else's. I offered up a bag of chicken dippers and everyone laughed at my drollness.

BUT ACTUALLY.... JUST MAKE YOUR OWN FECKING FOOD!!! It isn't hard! When I had a newborn and a two year old and my husband was working away and I could hardly walk due to a nasty c-section that woudn't heal, I made my own food! I had food delivered to my house, some of it was fresh ingredients, some of it was ready meals, some of it was delivered on a moped. Literally no one in the village offered me food and if they did, I would feel a bit weird about it.

In this day and age, it isn't hard to source food. Will you be tired?! Yes. Will your other children eat fewer vegetables than they should? Probably yes. But christ alive, that is what parenting and motherhood is..... I would rather be offered food now when there is work and school and activities, rather than when they slept most of the day and we all had nothing else to do. AIBU?

I'm not even sure I'd want to eat food prepared by some strange randommers.

DS is 7 weeks and has a cold so can't be put down or he gets upset. I would be delighted if someone would make my dinner but nobody I know has the time. I think depending on where you live it might be nice for some people who have some time or maybe if they're cooking anyway they could box a desperate portion. Obviously as you're busy with your own family YANU to say no and leave the group.

@goingtoneedabiggercar if you're North Wales I could bring something round Sorry to hear about your DS.

going same here - shout if you're in south London!

Thanks @EssentialHummus and @Insaneinthemembury that's so kind of you both. I'm away up in Scotland I'm afraid. He's just a poor wee sniffly boy.

I think the OP sounds a bit grumpy to be honest. You can simply be a grown up and “just say no”. Helping others like this doesn’t mean folk are “goodie two shoe saints”. It’s just a nice helpful thing to do.
I live in London and I am part of a community that offer meals to those is us having a challenging time, including new babies or bereavement. I think it’s lovely and I have benefited being on the receiving end. Yes, it’s a hassle sometimes to be the one providing the meal but I see that as a necessary part of life.

I wonder whether any of the people who said they wouldn’t eat food cooked by ‘randomers’ (not a word) have ever ordered a takeaway?

StillCoughingandLaughing I check the hygiene rating from any takeaway I order from!

The rating is only as good as the last inspection. What are they; annual?

I agree - they always take an apple pie!

Op you say you have no idea who the women are? Who on earth added you to this WhatsApp group?! How well do you know the person who added you? I'd find that really odd if it happened to me, I'd only expect to be added to that kind of group asking me to be part of a meal train by friends and the meals being for mutual friends!

I remember something went viral a year or 2 ago about an American couple asking local people for very specific food items after having their baby, with recipe suggestions, ingredients, instructions on where to leave the food etc, a lot of people slated them and others said it's quite normal in America.

I wouldn't do this and I wouldn't want to receive the food either. Theres nothing wrong with the idea itself I suppose although it smacks of Lady Bountiful patronising behaviour and I suspect there are more deserving people to benefit such as elderly or ill people, or maybe a single mother struggling but there are so many variables to consider. Allergies, hygiene tastes etc I wouldn't want people to waste time and money preparing things that end up getting thrown out.

For truly needy people it would be better to provide vouchers for meals out or shopping for ready meals. There is potential for offence if someone turns up on a strangers doorstep uninvited with food unasked for. Without warning I think I'd find it very weird.

YANBU.
Sounds quite wankerish to me.

The wan who came up with the idea wants to be seen as The Big Man, meanwhile every other sucker except her is actually doing the grunt work.
block and ignore the Worthy Cow.

*I suspect there are more deserving people to benefit such as elderly or ill people, or maybe a single mother struggling but there are so many variables to consider. Allergies, hygiene tastes etc I wouldn't want people to waste time and money preparing things that end up getting thrown out.

For truly needy people it would be better to provide vouchers for meals out or shopping for ready meals. There is potential for offence if someone turns up on a strangers doorstep uninvited with food unasked for. Without warning I think I'd find it very weird.*

What makes you think the person who organises it doesn't do it for others who might be more deserving? Maybe there is a rota for single mums/sick/elderly too?
Why do people who oppose the idea think some stranger is going to randomly turn up on the doorstep with unwanted food? It's very likely they will have asked the recipient (who is also at liberty to turn down the offer) whether they would like food and arranged with them if/when is suitable to drop it off.

@Sewrainbow I was sent the 2 week meal plan on the takethemameal website.
I could turn down any foods I didnt like abe any allergies were taken into account.

The app also allows you to see who is bringing the food when.

In my case I got a delivery every 3 or so days, as one friend would bring several made by lots of people so you didnt have a constant stream of visitors.

Some people stayed (I invited them in and was glad of the company as I felt very lonely and low) and helped with chores/held the baby

Some literally just dropped the food off wished me well and disappeared.

YANBU we all have to feed ourselves after giving birth ffs just get on with it.

@goingtoneedabiggercar I’m north east Scotland if you’re local to me? Happy to drop off milk / pizza / calpol / whatever if you are!

@iamadalek2 some people cant just get on with cooking nutritious meals with their circumstances.
It's great that you could, but I really needed help. Surely mumsnet is a place where we encourage helping new Mums?

@Insaneinthemembury i agree it is a place to encourage people however I'm responding to the OP who had asked AIBU. Also the OP is also a mum and sounds like she's been put under pressure to make meals for other mums when she already has her hands full. Therefore I am being supportive to the OP.

Why? If you wanted to - lovely But absolutely NO reason why you couldn’t have done an online order, or your partner cook (or if you didn’t have a difficult recovery... walk to the shops or cook yourself!)

For fuck’s sake, are you really looking down on people who felt overwhelmed when dealing with a newborn baby? ‘You could walk to the shops’ - yeah, after spending an age getting everything a newborn needs together. ‘Your partner could cook’ - yes, but he’s also bloody knackered having gone back to work after just two weeks paternity leave and not having had any sleep.

It’s really tacky to kick someone who is being honest enough to say she’d have been really grateful for a bit of help at an incredibly tough time.

And you felt comfortable eating dishes prepared by people you’d never met? Absolutely no idea of their kitchen standard, how sloppy they were with hand washing, cooking with meat etc etc

Do you really think the kind of people who have kitchens overrun with mice and caked in filth are the kind of people volunteering to cook for others?

@imadalek I was supportive of the OP as well and said if she couldnt then she really shouldn't feel pressured.

It was the Ffs just get on with it in your post that made me feel quite useless, that as a brand new Mum that I needed help . According to your post I should be able to get on with it.
I thoughts mumsnet was about supporting each other.

@Insaneinthemembury I'm sorry you feel quite useless. I'm all for helping one another in the community but what the OP has described sounds bonkers abc she shouldn't be put under pressure to cook for strangers. I agree with other posters too. It's not 1985 and we can get deliveries to the house. I had complications abc infections Post birth and managed through Tesco deliveries.

I agree that the OP shouldn't be made to feel like she should help.

Even with a tesco delivery I would still need to meal plan, order the food, make the meals, that's the issue. I couldn't! I also was in a poor way emotionally/mentally so the kindness of someone coming to the house delivering freshly prepared nutritious meals (that required no preparation from me), meant the world to me!

It's a regular thing at my church. All new mums and dads are offered it and not one has turned it down. We all found being a new parent bloody hard.
It's great people on this thread didnt, but we did.

I remember something went viral a year or 2 ago about an American couple asking local people for very specific food items after having their baby, with recipe suggestions, ingredients, instructions on where to leave the food etc, a lot of people slated them and others said it's quite normal in America.

Yes I remember that.

What they asked for wasn't 'normal in America'. They listed complicated recipes for meals and snacks they wanted, and also listed all the jobs they'd like people to do for them.

In my years of living in the US I've never seen that happen.

First of all, people don't usually ask for help - but someone around them notices that help would be welcomed.

It's not just new parents, but the elderly, recently bereaved, injured, recent surgery, ill... all sorts of people might appreciate help.

The website gives them a space to mention things they can't eat, allergies, things they do like - they'd never specify exact ingredients.

You get to list which day(s) you'd like to deliver a meal, and what meal you'll deliver, so they're not getting dozens of meals at once, or the same meal multiple times.

That's what I'd call American. It's practical and helpful.

If you don't want to take part that's fine. No one's sitting on high judging you.

There's no Lady Bountiful or "I'm The Big Man" about it.