Being asked to make meals for new mums

[Paquitalaflor]

Feel free to crucify me but I am irked. I have been added to a Whats app group by someone local in my village, along with about 16 other people, asking us to make meals (fresh, freezable, etc) for some new first time mums in the village. I have been asked this before and mentioned that with a full time job, two kids of my own and regularly being on my own as my husband travels a lot, I struggle to cook meals for my own family, let alone someone else's. I offered up a bag of chicken dippers and everyone laughed at my drollness.

BUT ACTUALLY.... JUST MAKE YOUR OWN FECKING FOOD!!! It isn't hard! When I had a newborn and a two year old and my husband was working away and I could hardly walk due to a nasty c-section that woudn't heal, I made my own food! I had food delivered to my house, some of it was fresh ingredients, some of it was ready meals, some of it was delivered on a moped. Literally no one in the village offered me food and if they did, I would feel a bit weird about it.

In this day and age, it isn't hard to source food. Will you be tired?! Yes. Will your other children eat fewer vegetables than they should? Probably yes. But christ alive, that is what parenting and motherhood is..... I would rather be offered food now when there is work and school and activities, rather than when they slept most of the day and we all had nothing else to do. AIBU?

YANBU
When I had my son I was grateful for family and close friends who bought food but I wouldn’t expect people are where I lived to make me food!
I mainly lived on cakes and biscuits in the early days anyway ! But no, not unreasonable at all!

It seems a bit odd to me that you know how hard it can be, but you want it to be hard for her too?

On the other hand she doesn’t need 16 people making her meals. There will be people on the list who want to do it, so just leave the group.

Actually I’ve just remembered the reason I wanted to Do this for a neighbour is because someone did it for me, and I was really impressed. I guess if you hadn’t had that motivating you , you are less likely to want to, so cancel my first paragraph.

*wouldn't expect people around the area where I live to make me food.

When I’ve been part of this sort of thing, someone has asked what sort of food the family like. People have shared what they’re making so no one ends up with sixteen cottage pies.

I’m surprised people would be actively annoyed by someone doing something nice.

No body helped you, but would you have appreciated the help? These might also go to mums who use food banks and really couldn’t afford to have shopping delivered never mind takeaways.

If I was to do it I’d just make an extra few portions of what we were eating.. not batch cook for an army.

Yanbu to not want to do it. I guess it's a kind thought, but generally most people get on with it bar exceptional circumstances.

Yabu to use the phrase 'source food' though. Unless you live in a village a million miles away from shops and you all need to collectively farm/scrump/dumpster dive for your dinner.

Not unreasonable in the slightest. There’s takeaways, and I’m sure they have their own friends and family who can cook for them if it’s that bad.

I live in a family of vegetarians and vegans.After a hospitalisation a lovely lady appeared with a lasagne and I had to re-home it asap, taking it out of its beautiful Royal Worcester dish. Life's a bit more complex nowadays and I wouldn't get involved in anything like this.

I'd have felt terribly pressured if people had turned up on my doorstep with food, I'd have hated it.

YANBU. My friend made us food when Ds was born. However, I wouldn't have wanted food from some random people in the village. If I got a message such as you did I'd simply remove myself from the group chat straight away. I wouldn't give a shite what people thought. I doubt you'll be the only one declining to cook.

I would try and cook a big pot of whatever I was making to have a spare batch but YANBU. I certainly do not have funds for too many extra meals. I would maybe be able to do one a week.

I am probably massively UR but I wouldn’t want to eat something that someone I didn’t know had randomly made me. Cake/biscuits - brilliant thank you so much! But for actual meals How would I know how clean their kitchen is, or whether they’d cooked through the chicken properly or how long ago they’d made it? My in-laws are lovely but eat food that’s been sitting in their fridge a week over the sell by date and were still trying to give us puddings made with fresh cream that they’d served on Xmas day, after new year. So I personally would be totally overwhelmed and not in a good way if people I didn’t really know descended on me with a whole load of food I’d not chosen. Ready meals from Cook? Thank you so much

and I’m sure they have their own friends and family who can cook for them if it’s that bad.

Well the op clearly didn't, did she?

YABU. It's a kind thought. It's nice when people want to help others.

If you don't want to get involved, don't. No one is holding a gun to your head.

Both.

YANBU to refuse, it simply doesn't work for you, why should you.
YANBU to be a bit miffed that no one offered you help when you had little ones.

YABU to play the martyr and pretend it's not a kind thing to do. I always drop up food to my friends when they have a newborn. It's always been appreciated, at least a couple of them hadn't even heard of cook before.

it comes from a good place, you should suggest better alternative, you don't have to join, but YABU to pretend it's pointless.

If the new mum is MNneter, there will be no issue with finding space in a freezer since no one here seems to be willing to put someone else's homemade food anywhere near their mouth😂

You were asked, you said you couldn't which in your circumstances is not unreasonable, I daresay others couldn't do it., some with more time were able to. I don't see why you are so irate about it, frankly. Whoever thought of it was kind, tho' most of us managed on our own it would have been a treat had someone given a cottage pie or lasagne. There are many who would really appreciate a hand.

It never happened around where I lived, we didn't have internet in those days anyway but I can imagine it would have been a lovely surprise treat had someone made a meal for us. I think I would have happily done it while I was at home: after all if you're making one one-pot dish, you can make two. When I was back at work I doubt I'd have had the time or been sufficiently organised - fair enough - but certainly being asked would not have bothered me.

We do this for new mums at church. I always order dominos when it’s my turn:)

I have no idea of who the women are!
I am not really snarky about no one making me food - I think that is quite normal.... I wouldn't have expected strangers to pop up with an unrequested meal. Would have found it quite odd.
I would be MUCH more inclined to make food for an elderly person who couldn't get to the shops or fangle the internet or even lift heavy saucepans. Much more interested in that... wonder if there is a village group for that sort of thing. Will find out.

Duck out of it. I wouldn’t do it and I wouldn’t eat anything some random person had made in a possibly unhygienic kitchen, either. A whip round for Cook delivery vouchers might be more appreciated, then these folk can choose what they want, have it delivered and know it conforms to basic hygiene standards.

Doesn’t have the same ‘rosey-cheeked Lovely Person, popping round with a wicker basket full of home made marvellousness’ air about it though, granted.

I'd think perhaps elderly people would be more in need of this than new mums. But either way, if you don't want to be involved, just leave the group. No harm done :).

Tbh if I was a new mum (or any kind of person, actually), I wouldn't want people turning up with meals. You never know where the ingredients have come from, if they were in date, if they're fresh, how they've been stored, if they were cooked using proper hygiene standards .. but then again I do have anxiety, so possibly most people don't think like this.

Yabu if you can't then you can't. Just leave the group.
I had people cook and drop off food that I didn't know that well. They did it because someone had done it for them. I'll now do it for others as it was super helpful.

wtf kind of request is this....what whattsapp group is it?

Hell no!!!!!!!! next they will ask you to take in ironing....

TBH id be a bit annoyed at a load of people turning up with food I hadnt asked for, or maybe didnt like.

Id be irritated by it too, but id happily cook a meal for a friend

I would say yanbu depending on circs. Lots of vulnerable people could use a service like this, not necessarily just new (and second/third-time) parents who may have enough money and family help. I speak from experience on this one, church recently organised a two-week rota to cook for a family who have a cleaner and family already scheduled to help . It’s a lovely thought but possibly could be directing community energy to people who don’t actually need it.